Sister in law---why the competition. Could it be jealousy?

Question

My sister in law has recently let me know that she thinks I am not a good mother. I sat there and listened to everything she had to tell me without over reacting because I wanted to know why she felt that way. After giving it some thought and writing down all the things I do for my daughter and all the nice things we do together I realized I'm really not that bad of a mom. I don't know everything, I'm not the best mom in the whole wide world but I DO MY BEST. The thing is she spends a lot of time comparing her parent skills to mine. Example: I say "my girl has been a picky eater these past 2 days " she'll say "oh I nneeveeer have trouble with my son eating because I make sure blah blah blah." It seems like I'm the one with the child that sometimes doesn't want to take a bath or wants to wear pijamas to the grocery store. Its these little things that my sister in law uses to label me a bad mom because she nneever has to deal with this situation or that tantrum.

Answer 1

It does sound like competition....in fact she is trying to justify her self and her short comings she may actually be looking up to you and is hoping she is doing as good a job raising her child. She had nerve telling you that you are a bad parent, have you thought about a way to ask her why she did(does) this? You should and let her realize what she is doing is hurtful and that you are the best kind of parent you can be. Every parent is different as so is every child, so the we do our parenting is going to be different.
My 16 year old daughter still likes to wear her pajamas to the grocery store and I do let her ..LOL (they are decent and cover her). I have to yell and tell them to get out of the shower now...how things change as they grow up!! I have three children 20, 18 and soon to be 17 ..I am not perfect but show me a perfect parent....children don't come with instructions we learn as we go!!
~Best of Luck~

Answer 2

First, NEVER SAY NEVER...that's her mistake. She thinks she's little miss perfect when in all reality, she's very imperfect and doesn't want her image destroyed by some other woman and her family. She's very insecure about her parenting skills, or overly confident. Noone who has children can do the perfect thing all the time. And everyone's kids are different and have to be handled different. This sis-in-law needs to accept that fact and quit comparing your two children. There is no comparison, you each have your own households, which are both ran very differently....which one seems happiest? That's really all that matters. If your kids respect you and are happy, you should be proud! Don't doubt yourself based on the crap she throws at you. Like I said, she probably has her own insecurities and by expressing her mothering "skills" to you, it makes her feel better. Just praise her, and tell her you're glad she does whatever it is she does to have such a perfect child (smile though, don't make it sound sarcastic, (as it is)). She'll back off and realize she's the one who looks stupid, not you and how you're doing with your own. Feel confident in how you're raising your child. Tips and tricks may help, but ALL kids are different and should be treated as such!

Answer 3

I wouldn't worry about your sister-in-law. From personal experience I believe she is just jealous of you and the things you do for your daughter. I am going through the same things but it is with my sister. I have learned to just let everything she says go in one ear and out the other. She is only saying those things because she wishes she could be just like you. She is jealous of the close relationship you and your daughter has. So the next time she starts in on you just tell her to keep her opinions to herself because you and your daughter are doing just fine. As long as you and your daughter are happy that is all that matters. Just continue giving your daughter the love and support she needs and don't worry about what other people think or says. Hold your head high and be the best mom you can be. Because I'm sure your sister-in-law is not the Mother of The year......

Answer 4

Let those without sin cast the first stone. Hey! Unbelievable you were able to be so cool. If someone picked apart my parenting skills. I'd tear them a new one. Children do not come with owner manuals. They are all different just as we are.
You will see in the end she be owing you a huge apology. (You'll probably never get) Because her child has grown up with no real consequences for his actions, grows up thinking the world will bend to his every whim and lose every job he has, or poor social skills because he hasn't been taught you can't always get what you want.
Where to heck was the "Time out chair" , talking and lack of discipline when we were growing up. Your doing your best and no one has the right to expect more. Kudos to you.

Answer 5

Some (many) people are like that. If it's just chatting don't listen to it and forget it, she probably even doesn't understand that she harms you. Some people are (in their own opinion) always better than anyone else...

If she is doing worse (saying such things to the child, to you friends, neighbors, ...), talk to your husband. As a father having also a sister, if my sister would say such things I would ask her to please stop it.

BTW my 3 yo daughter is like yours ;-). Sometimes doesn't want to eat much. Take bath. Etc. Make her understand that some things can be negociated, some cannot.

Don't believe her about her son eating always good. Either she forgot (most probable), or she was very lucky.

Answer 6

Do the best you can do and don't worry about what her "grand" opinions are. She is just full of herself. I am sure you are a great mom! Don't let her fool you - NO FAMILY IS PERFECT.
Just watch, it'll be her son arrested for the hidden meth lab when he grows up and your daughter president of her own law firm. It's always those pristine white picket fence families that end up having the biggest problems surface years later because they were to busy telling everyone how great they were and ignoring their own family issues.

Don't worry about it and try and avoid situations with her where she might put you down or play her parenting techniques up (which means no more asking her for advise or complaining about the kids while she is around).

Good Luck!

Answer 7

This isn't jealousy.

This is INSECURITY! And it's only going to get worse as your kids get older. I'm sorry for your sister in law, because NO kids are perfect in that way. they are KIDS! And I am sure hers have fits and misbehave sometimes. She just doesn't want anyone to KNOW! She is insecure about her own parenting skills and is hiding behind it.

you continue to do the best job you know how, and feel pity for her. She has serious issues!! I just hope as your kids get older, her kids don't pick up on her attitude of competition and start behaving like they are superior to your kids. It could make for a rough relationship between these cousins.

Answer 8

Where do these people get off pretending they're mother-of-the year? Every child is a little bit of a handful, because that's how children are. Nothing wrong with that.
At least your children have a happy normal life and don't have a psycho for a mom like your sister in law is.

Answer 9

jealousy is basically organic, how u act on it truly is all the version.. each body feels it and in the adventure that they say they dont then both there mendacity or they basically dont pay interest to it.. sister and sister in regulation? im ganna asume with the shortcoming of information u gave that ur probaly the surely female... or perhaps the golden out of u and ur sister(s) yet maximum in all probability the surely one.. ur thoughts im gaana say are that theres someone new on ur field and in view that u didnt say any certin topic im guessin that shes pritty sturdy all round, now insted of appearing or giving those jealous feeling the time of day, take it for what that's, shes basically as sturdy as u.. i imagine ud both bennafit from being sturdy friends, a pair that could be not straightforward to interrupt.. supply me more desirable information if i hit the concern incorrect.. chin up and shoulders back

Answer 10

The first thing you need to do is IGNORE her. Then you need to stop discussing these things with her. Some people are always going to pick up someone else's perceived inadequacies to make themselves feel better. Some people seem to believe that anybody who does things differently, or thinks differently from them is obviously wrong and they spend a lot of time and energy trying to convey that message. Whatever you do, DO NOT let her get to you. Because as long as she thinks she can, she will.