I have one child and I know I do not want any more. My husband on the other hand says he may in the future. I feel horrible because should he come to me and say I think we should have more I will have to say NO. I have even thought about getting my tubes tied no matter what his thoughts are. I love my daughter but I can not handle any more nor want any more. I feel like this will doom our marraige. Some one is going to end up hurting the other and holding it against them. It almost makes me feel like I should say goodbye now. We have a great marraige he is my best friend but we just can not agree on this big life issue. I have been on the pill for almost six her sence my daughter was born and it takes my sex drive completly away. Once a month if he is lucky, so that could be our doom to. So either way I feel guilty. Is there a way to deal with the guilt? Do I just go and get tied? Or do I just assume this will someday rip us apart?
2006-09-08 05:08:59 · 20 answers · asked by motorbroom 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
For more detail I had my daughter when I was 18 and it was unplanned. It was a very rough and high risk pregnacy. Also last year I was dignosed with a rare benign skim lymphoma that could mean on and off low doses of chemo meds. The meds could really do damage to a fetus. Between the medical parts of my life and the fact that I missed my teens I do not want any more. I am glad that I was able to have one before my health hit the fan, and that is good enough for me.
2006-09-08 05:36:29 · update #1
I forget we had deiced not to have any more children a couple of years ago. As soon as I brought up permanate birth control recently he said he may change his mind latter.
2006-09-08 05:38:58 · update #2
This is a big deal. You definitely need to talk to him about this. If you think you may need help to have this discussion, maybe do it with a therapist present, to help both of you get your true feelings out. Don't do anything behind his back though, then you are definitely doomed. Good luck with your decision.
2006-09-08 05:13:18 · answer #1 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you handle any more children? Some people have a very good reason while you see some mothers successfully bringing up 10 kids. DO NOT say goodbye now and do not do anything behind his back. This will all lead to certain doom. Marriage and family are about sacrifice and sometimes you should not put yourself first. Think about your current daughter and take care of her first. Remember that everything you do affects her. Breaking up a marriage is devastating to a child no matter what. My advice is talk to your husband, in joint counseling if appropriate. These are important life-altering things for all those involved and it's not a time to be selfish and just think about yourself.
2006-09-08 12:20:38 · answer #2 · answered by Doh! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me and my husband were this way, only it was opposite, I wanted more and he said 1 is enough. When i ended up pregnant the 2nd time, he was ok with it, but I miscarried and it died.
He said no more for sure after that, so when I became pregnant the 3rd time, I did not tell him. When he finally found out, he was furious and blamed me. When the baby came, he was happy, but again said no more.
I again became pregnant, for the 4th time, and I for sure did not tell him. But, he saw me eating more and getting sick in the morning and he told me that I was pregnant, I said he had no proof. He said take a test, so I did and I was.
Imagine my surprise when my husband was actually happy about it instead of mad. The baby is now 6 months old and is his favorite child. I plan to have at least one more, but one thing I learned, girls are better than boys, be glad you have a girl!
I have 2 girls and 1 boy and he's enough to be 10 children. All I am saying is that my 1st daughter was 5 when her brother came, and she was a BRAT! She was so jealous, now she is happy.
I think that if you have another child, you will see that it is better for you and your child, so she can have a friend, someone to play with all the time! You have to at least consider having just one more, you'll be glad that you did. Only children are always so lonely. Please talk to your husband, I'd hate for a good marriage to end for this reason, maybe you can compromise with just one more child. I have 3 and I wouldn't change it for anything.
Good luck to whatever you decide.
2006-09-08 12:29:44 · answer #3 · answered by fatiima 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to be telling him all this after all if he loves you he will understand and if its a real problem for him may be it will be better to part now rather than later ,but what a waist of a really great relationship ,and why is it so hard to consider having another child it would be great for your other child to have a broher or a sister,i take it this first child isnt his ?.if not then u must have know one day this would crop up ,in which case ,this should have been discussed before you got togethr ,i feel for you as we all have problems that seem fine to start with then later things like this crop up ,as i said talk to him abd really be open after all u did say hes ur best friend ,he will listern as he loes you ,and if he think he will lose u then maybe he will just be happy how things are .
2006-09-08 12:34:08 · answer #4 · answered by whitecloud 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this can be a very big issue between a couple. you simply cannot have another child if you dont want to, but then of course that means that you have to live in hope that your husband can be understanding about this...
i suggest that you tell him just how strong your feelings are on the subject & hope that his wish for another child isnt all that important to him. i would also see your doctor about your lack of sex drive & maybe have your pill changed...
i discussed my wish for a large family even when i was dating my husband as i felt so strongly about it that i simply couldnt be with someone that didnt want lots of children & so i didnt want either of us to get too emotionally involved if we didnt have a future. now that we have 4 kids i am aware that i want number 5 more than he does - we have agreed to try in another year or so. after that, i dunno that either of us will want to go through it again. feelings change... & the truth is that kids are hard work as well as a blessing.
be honest - but also be aware that having kids is a big thing & not something that cant easily be comprimised on. good luck.
2006-09-08 12:27:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a great idea for you talk to your husband about getting a five or 10 year IUD, and say to him that you could talk about possibly having another child when it is getting close to time to remove it. You never know what will change in the next 5-10 years. I have an IUD and it does not affect my drive and my husband loves it because he doesn't have to worry about protection and neither do I not for 5 years.
2006-09-08 12:14:33 · answer #6 · answered by shorty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This does not have to tear your marrage apart. From what you said it sounds like your husband is only considering the possibility of having more children; he doesn't have his heart set on it. So he may never decide to want to have children. Don't feel guilty; every person has a right to their own feelings and desires. It is OKAY to disagree. It doesn't have to mean that one person gets "hurt" If one person chooses to sacrifice their desires on the issue they are just making a loving gift to the other.
Have faith that you can both come to a decision and you never know he might end up not wanting children of his own desire.
2006-09-08 12:20:30 · answer #7 · answered by openheaven 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a woman I understand how you feel
but if you ties your tube behind his back without discusting it with him first you better be ready to say good bye to your marriage
that may sound corny but the best advise if for you two to talk
explain to him how you feel
also be willing to take a piece of paper and write down the pro and con by the time you put all the con & the pro one of you bound to change your mind
TALK TALK
2006-09-08 12:17:12 · answer #8 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, talk to him about it. If neither of you can compromise, then go to therapy. I know its hard, I spent years talking my husband into a fourth. Its just as important to me as you not having a second. For now, try an IUD or something else that won't destroy your sex drive. You need to find a pill that will let you be normal, then decide on the kid amounts. It might come to a divorce, it might not. But expecting things to do badly isn't helping either of you.
2006-09-08 12:14:33 · answer #9 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should get off the pill. It does cause depression. It makes you sort of numb to things in your relationship because you're not experiencing the natural ebb and flow of hormones. It suppresses your emotions, hormones, your personality really.
I'm not saying this to have more kids though. If you don't want anymore, dont have them. But do know that will put your marriage at risk. He's not going to turn off his natural urge to want to have more kids, perhaps to have a son.
If I were you I'd keep my man and have one more kid. Try life without the pills and see how you feel later.
2006-09-08 12:14:51 · answer #10 · answered by Pam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋