Is it worth having kids?

Question

I know that if I decided to become a dad I would be a good one. I just can't decide if I want to be one. I would have to give up life as I know it.
Is a life without kids just as rewarding?

Sometimes the pros and cons are equal and we need the opinion of others who have experienced it to sway us it a certain direction.

I am 29 and have been with my partner for 10yrs. She is also unsure what would be the better life.

I want to make this a responsible decision, not an emotional one. By asking all of you I am just hoping to gain some insight. I won't let some passing fancy decide my future. ie "i'll feel ready". I want to decide i'm ready.

Answer 1

Don't do it unless you are sure, there is no point making a child suffer because you changed your mind.

Answer 2

I have five children. Has life changed? More than I can explain, but it didn't change in a bad way. I didn't lose my freedom, I didn't become chained to the house, lose my mind, and throw out my clothes to adorn the expanding world of sweats. It changed for the better. After I had my first child, things began to make more sense. You will never love someone as deeply as you love your child. You will never know the true sign of happiness until you hear the belly laugh of a toddler. You will never see the world for it's true wonder and beauty until you've seen it through the eyes of a child. Nor will you ever be able to re-live your youth without people thinking you are nuts unless you have a child to accompany you.

You don't exactly "give up" life as you know it honey. You alter it, make a few adjustments, and embrace it. Life evolves onto a whole new level. I'm not saying it's bad to not have kids, I'm just saying that for most, having children completes their circle of life, fulfills them in ways that all the material possessions in the world could not.

I'm sure you are going to get alot of people telling you that if you have to ask, you probably shouldn't. I disagree. It's not only a responsible question, but an honest one. But it's one that only you are going to know. If you want more help, do this: Close your eyes, take a deep breath and picture your life ten years from now. What do you see? A wife? A house? Close them again....think. Do you see anything else? Kids toys in the driveway? A family around a dinner table? If that doesn't help, ask yourself the same question right before you go to bed. When you wake up, you should have the answer. Our minds tend to work out our issues through dreams when we sleep. I wish you luck with this, whatever you decide.

Answer 3

No one can answer this for you. It denpends on your life style, what your future plans are, how much are you willing to change, your capacity to love, the patience, financial status, emotional health, etc... And you have to be prepared for the fact that you never know what will come with one pregnancy ( multiple births?!, a sick child, a genius, a handicaped child, a hyper child, etc...). I have a sis who never had children and seems quite content with her decision and very much enjoys visiting now and then her 2 nieces and 4 nephews. She likes acting, traveling, nightlife, weekly spa appts, and does not want to settle down with anyone--I mean, ever. So, I think she made the smart, responsible choice. Don't have kids yet if you cant decide if you will be a good one yet. You will never be 100% ready but if you have so many doubts now, give yourself time. .. And yes, when you become a parent, you have to give up life "as you know it" and you get a new life, which can be just as rewarding or more, but can be a a terrifying challenge to say the least under bad circumstances.

Answer 4

When it comes to issues like this, people have different opinions of having kids. Some think not having it is worth it because you can also have good life without having kids.. You have more privacy and more romantic time with your wife without the kid bothering you or ruin the time by calling you... You both can go on cruise without having decided if it's ok with the kids... Having kids you need the responsibilities and commitment ... You need to think financially too if you can support the kid.. You have to be there for the kid 24/7...... But the best part is you get to see your kid grow up everyday.. But don't worry I'm sure you will reach to your decision ...

Answer 5

Parenthood is the most challenging, heartbreaking and also the most wonderful thing in the world.

I did not grow up fully till I became a parent. I had no idea how self centred I was!

It changes every relationship you have with your family. Read some of the questions in the parenting section its a whole new world!

The love I feel for both my children overwhelmed me at first! I never expected to love them with such fierceness and with such a need to protect them.

They can be very funny, very cheeky and really ungrateful but I did not have them for gratitude. I had them because I wanted a family of my own. What a fantastic Adventure its been. I would not change any of it for all the chocolate in the world!

Answer 6

If you are unsure I wouldn't bother-they cost you every penny you'll ever earn for the rest of your life, they are time consuming, ignorant, and need unconditional love which sometimes can be very difficult. I would get a puppy first and see how you get on with that. Raising a child to be a productive, happy member of society can be a beautiful thing, but usually they only break your heart, time and time again. You are suitably warned- anyway if you are happy with the way your life is now then definitely don't because it will all change forever.

Answer 7

If you are unsure get a dog first.
If you wait until you are ready you'll never have them, and when you have them you can't wait to be ready for them. I had my kids when I was 21. Didn't plan on them was sure that I might now be a good dad. I found out that I couldn't imagine not having them now. I have two boys. I'm am glad I had them at 21 I was able to run and chase them and climb trees and go exploring everything, going to theme parks and riding with them. I never thought once when ever I was asked to do something with them that I was too old to keep up. I'm now 38 and my oldest just had his senior pics taken. I feel like everything is perfect. Oh and that are you going to be a good one......Well simply having the concern about that makes you a better father than someone who never would worry about it. If you have them yes your life will never be the same, alot of things you might never be able to do again but in the same breath, you get a whole new life one filled with things you could never experance any other way. So many simple little things will make you smile in your soul, weep with joy, and feel your heart swell with pride. To see yourself raise and instruct a child to help them become ?????? Oh my god I wait for everyday to see what new thing they bring me wether it is seeing thier joy and smile or suffering next to them, sharing thier pain and sorrow. Helping them grow is what it is all about.
If you have them you realise your sence of worth, you matter!They are, life rewarding you.

Answer 8

You say you know you would be a good Dad - until you have kids you know nothing. You have absolutely no idea how profoundly they will alter your life (I know you think you do, but you don't). We married a year after our friends, who remained childless. We had two kids. Our home is a constant mess, the kids cost a fortune and our whole identity revolves around the children. Our friends have a perfect, tidy home. They change cars at a whim and have all the latest gadgets, along with regular foreign holidays. And yet, in the sixteen years they have been married they don't appear to have moved on at all - its as if they have stagnated. I wouldn't swop our lives with the messed up home and the kids for theirs.

Answer 9

If you're asking the question then you are not ready to be a dad. I think people just know whether they want to be parents or not. I'm sure life is just as rewarding for those who don't have children compared to those that do, it's just what you make of your life.

Answer 10

Even if you know you could be a good dad if you don't want to give up your freedom then don't have a child. Kids are worth it but i'm also child free by choice. Say you have one and change your mind, you don't want your child to suffer cuz you've decided you don't want to be a dad. It's definitely a big desicion to make and I'd recommend waiting until you know for sure if you really want a child or not.

Answer 11

hey kids are great - but cost alot for at least the first 5 years of their life and I am sure the rest.... they are demanding and take up alot of time... no more going down the pub ahve out with friends at the weekends. But I think if you are dithering on this then you are not ready to have them or have not found a suitable other half..