My mother lives w us, because she can't afford to live on own and my rich bro who has twice the space said no.....every xmas we go to his home for christams.......I told my mom today I cannot afford much at all this year I will do my best for my kids but thats hard enough......she said I should tell my brother and rest of family that I can't afford gifts so they shouldn't get gifts for my kids..........opinions plz......every year I usually by for everyone but this has been a very bad yr and she doesn't contribute!
2006-09-08 04:45:28 · 11 answers · asked by crownvic64 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I come from a rather large family. My parents have five children and there are 17 grandchildren amongst them all. Because Christmas is so expensive, at Thanksgiving each year, we pick names. That way aside from mom and dad, you won't have to buy for anymore than the number of people in your own family. The way we did it was, all the adults except mom and dad went into one hat and all the children's names went into another. The adults got to pick one name and the children each got to pick a name. If you picked your own or a sibling or spouse you put it back and picked another. Then set a limit on how much everyone is allowed to spend on each person. Such as kids $5 - $10. Adults $10 - $20.
After you've worked that out, I would seriously sit down and have a talk with your brother about your mother. He needs to contribute to her care. Especially if he has the means. Selfishness is not an excuse and unless he wants mom showing up at his doorstep, he'd better help out. Don't take no for an answer on that one. Guilt him if you have to.
Even if he doesn't help out honey, be patient and believe in Karma. What comes around goes around. And if you are the type of kind and caring person who is willing to take on caring for "mom", it's going to be rewarded somewhere down the line. She isn't going to be around forever, and when times get tough, just be grateful you have her in your life and can help her.
2006-09-08 04:58:41 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, your brother should really think deep as to what he is having now, for if not for the rearing of your mom, he wouldn't even exist. What's the point of keeping too much for yourself when sharing your blessings won't even hurt you a bit? At the very least, SHARING IT WITH YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD?
Second, you told your mom that life's not been good to you, hence you can only afford that much for your kids. She told you that you should notify your brother and the rest of the family that you barely make it, and that they shouldn't get something for your kids because you won't be able to give something in return. What happens if you don't tell them? Will they disown you? You need to give something first in order to have something in return? I suppose happiness within your family is not primarily anchored in exchanging gifts that if there's failure in one party to distribute packages, life should stop right there and cease to be happy.
Third, you mentioned that every year you usually buy gifts for everyone but this year makes it no longer possible, right?
Then don't push yourself doing it if you very well know that you have a family to take care of. If they stop loving you for your failure to give them gifts, then thank the circumstance that led you into seeing what kind of family you really have.
The last part that bothered me is, expecting your mom to contribute. What basically happened to her? Did she already reach the age of unemployability that made her unable to generate finances for her own existence?
The way I look at it, she is your mom, and whatever way you look at it, the least that you could do is give her the kind of life she should ideally have when she decided to be a mom for you and the other siblings in your family.
It saddens me to know that moms have practically put their own life and limb for the sake of their children and when they reach the capacity to sustain their own lives, this is what they get for rearing their children.
I don't mean to be so rude and righteous here but it really pains me to even think of your mom's disposition now. I know she has been a good mom and ultimately she deserves better than this.
:(
2006-09-08 12:15:18 · answer #2 · answered by Mike_Cruiser 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We (my siblings and I) were spending way to much on gifts for each others kids. For example, I have 6 kids, and all my bro's and sis's felt that they had to buy a gift for each one of them. It wasn't fair, really, because I was only buying one or two gifts per family while they had to get so many because of all my kids.
Anyway....here are two ideas. One, just arrange with your extended family to buy a single gift for your entire family, something like a board game comes to mind. You would do the same, of course.
Second idea (this is what we settled on)....every Thanksgiving, the kids (all the cousins) exchange names. We put everyone's name in a hat, and each kid chooses a piece of paper. Whoever they draw, that's who they buy a gift for. That way, each kid only has to buy one gift, and they only receive one....at least from extended family. Works great.
2006-09-08 11:53:54 · answer #3 · answered by Sheik Yerbouti 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell you mother that the reason you are having a hard time is because she is being a financial burden to you... of course I would say this with a lot more tact. I also would privately talk to your brother and explain the situation. Say that you would love to get together and have Christmas dinner together, and maybe do a gift exchange, otherwise you can skip exchanging gifts this year. I'm sure he will understand.
2006-09-08 11:49:56 · answer #4 · answered by jtj 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Thats pretty crappy of her. You all should agree to do some sort of drawing of names so each person only has to buy one present for each other person... Its great! I have 9 brothers and sisters and 27 nieces and nephews... So it gets WAY outta hand every year at christmas, We've been doing this for 5 years and it saves ALOT of time and money! Good luck!
2006-09-08 11:49:05 · answer #5 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is LOW DOWN that he does not want his mother living there.
I would not want anything from the family.
You just buy what you can for YOUR kids. Because that is what Christmas is mainly about the children.
Damn the adults, and all.
2006-09-08 11:56:00 · answer #6 · answered by Dwayne 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just send a card and that will be enough. There is no need to stress over it. I think you should only worry about your kids getting gifts.
2006-09-08 11:52:07 · answer #7 · answered by ♥c0c0puffz♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she knows you will let her say and do what ever she wants. did you know that's why we grow up. so that we can make decisions for our own family. and your mom knows you love her and respect her, but she is getting that confused with being a push over. it is time to call a family meeting!
2006-09-08 11:53:14 · answer #8 · answered by KITTEEKAT 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like your brother is not family orientated.....just get for your kids, don't worry about his kids, (if he has any), and don't buy for him.
2006-09-08 12:08:58 · answer #9 · answered by Bob 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would not go to his house for christmas and i would'nt feel guilty for not getting his kids gifts
2006-09-08 11:49:04 · answer #10 · answered by evian 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋