Good dad or abusive dad?-Need some advice what to do?

Question

My dad is this big business magnet around 500+ ppl work for him,
The problem is that he is good at times,but most of the time he is verbally abusive.

He does give me what ever I want( I rarely ask anything though) and he has helped me to pay for my University too.

But he's shouts at me telling me I am stupid ,and wont amount to anything in life etc..infront of everyone.( I am not lazy or stupid at all...I get more than 90% and every prof in the university has a good opinion about me).

But my dad never accepts I am good,and treats me like some 3rd person and yells at me for some reason or the other.So I rarely talk to him at all.But his words really hurt me.

I dont need all the gizmos and cool stuff he buys me...I just want a few words of encouragement from him!.And I feel psychologically I have started to accept what my dad says about me,cause I hear it all the time.My confidence level is fading slowy.

So is my dad abusive or is it I could be wrong?

Thanks for all your replies.


I have tried to talk to my dad about this a lot of times,He just turns a deaf ear to what I say.
With the money I earn now,I cant move out too..but I am afraid all this will make me less productive at work and eventually I will be what my dad wants to..nothing.
This fear is really gripping me now,Dunno what to do.

Answer 1

Of course that's abuse. Speak to him in private about how it makes you feel, if he doesn't relent then you may need to sever ties with him completely.

Think about when you get married and have children, would you want to subject your wife and children to his kind of abuse?

Do what's right for you!

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Yes, parents do crazy things to hurt their children sometimes. He is probably way over-stressed from work and when he gets home, he takes it out on the first person he sees. Don't believe the things he says as you know they are not true. You know how well you are doing in school and one day he will realize it. It is sad that he doesn't now, but it will definitely happen one day, believe me.

Is there anyway you could get your own apartment or get a dorm on campus? I'm asking because it may be good for the two of you to have some space from each other. It may not be until you are away at the university and are not home every night or weekend that he will begin to remember "his little girl" and how much he misses you. Instead of buying you things, maybe the money could be used for your own place. Do you have a girlfriend who goes to the same univ that you could share a place with? Bring her home one day and present the idea to your dad and tell him this would be good for you and would he please help you accomplish it. He doesn't need to know in the beginning exactly why you want to leave as this will just cause friction, but being apart for a few years while you are at the univ will help both of you and he will change as will you. I hope this helps a little. Take care, keep your chin up and your self esteem high! You are worthy of praise!

Answer 3

Yes, he is being verbally abusive. The most important thing a parent gives a child is love. After that acceptance and a feeling of self worth come in as close 2nds. All the money in the world cannot replace these things. You need to do what is best for you and although I can't tell you what that is, it isn't listening to any more negativity from your Dad. If you can avoid him by living on campus while finishing your education great, if not you need to find a good job and strike out on your own. Find yourself some good friends and mentors that make you feel good about you. If you have someone you can confide in such as another family member, clergy or counselor please seek their counsel. Good Luck and may God Bless.

Answer 4

Yes he's verbally abusive. That's probably why he gives you anything you want because he feels bad for the way that he treats you after the fact but doesn't know how to make things right besides buying you things. Try telling him that the material things mean nothing and all you want from him is his love and respect. Have a list of all (well a lot of) the things he's said and done to hurt you so you have examples to give him. You might want to also suggest counseling. But if nothing else you need to get counseling for yourself because there is a chance that your father may never change

Answer 5

classifyed as verbal abuse. Parents can't go around labeling there children. He probly was treated that way and having what he has he probly does it thinking you will follow his foot steps. You know what you are and all I can say is don't let it get to you. you have your own life to live and remembber if down the road you ever get married with children don't make the same mistake and lable your own child stop the trend good luck and hold your head high you sound very smart use the brain and not the mouth like father

Answer 6

My father has also hurt me and my family emotionally because of his words. All I can say is that you can't take away the fact that he is your father and he loves you no matter what. But you should talk to him and tell him how his attitude hurts you. Throughout the years I have learned to let him know when he is doing something that's cruel. And if talking to him does not work, you have to also understand that just because he says you are not intelligent, it does not mean you are stupid. Just because he's your father does not mean everything he says is true. Parents also make mistakes. Analyze what he is saying, if it is not true, just don't let it bother you. I have been dealing with hurtful words from my father for years, and I know that sometimes people might think you are exaggerating. But like I have always said, sometimes emotional abuse is harder to deal with than physical abuse, in the sense that with physical abuse their is evidence and people help you and believe you faster. With emotional abuse, nobody can see the hurt you are feeling inside. Try to work things out with him, because he's your father and will always be there for you. Hope this helps you!

Answer 7

YES . that is very very abusive and quite horrible of him to talk to you like that. I hate parents that do that to their kids. He is just getting his steam off on you .. using you to shout at to cool himself off . But this problem is NOT about you. It is about HIM.
If I were you , I would find a way to move out .. you say you are in college and he has lots of money .. if he won't help you that way .. then I would seek out a counselor .. a professional to talk over the situation with. Your dad doesn't have to know you are seeing anyone. A lot of times there are crisis places that help people for free or little cost. Good luck to you .. and remember.. you are a good, intelligent person. I know that just from reading your question. It is your DAD who has the problem .. but he is taking it out on you .. and there is NO EXCUSE for that kind of behavior. That is definitely ABUSE. Please get some help .. you deserve much better. God bless you and good luck ! :)

Answer 8

Well, I hate to say it but yes, if what you tell us is the situation is for you, He is very verbally abusing you.
Dont let yourself even begin to believe what he yells at you is true.
Many people do not really realize that some of the harsh things that come out of our mouths is abuseive.
You dad needs help.
He might get mad as hell, but you need to call hi m on his ****.
Let him know that his abuse has to stop. Tell him it hurts you with the thigs he says or calls you. If you l et this continue, you will be the only one who suffers. Mayb etalk to a close friend or even someone from your l;ocal church about this.. Good Luck
will be thinking of you and your situation. You certainly need to talk one on one with someone. you took the first step her , but go for a face to face conversation where you can better express your situation and feelings.

Answer 9

I agree with those who say that your dad is abusive and that you need to have a private talk with him. But in your conversation, try to use "I" statements. Not "You make me feel..." but "When you say xyz, I feel..." Not "You're always putting me down," but "When you say xyz, it makes me feel like I will never amount to anything." See? It's much less confrontational but still gets your point across.

Be specific. State the problem, then tell what you would like to change, or how he might act differently. Advocate for yourself. Don't threaten, just state your case. The light may go on for him. Let's hope so.

Answer 10

Yes this type of behavior is abuse. Some parents believe that material items make up for time and good old fashioned love. You are now an adult in college and not a child at home. You need to explain to your father that you are no longer going to put up with this type of behavior from him. Start giving back material items when given.

Answer 11

Your Dad is being abusive in ways of unbelief.His nature in business to be who he is. His aggravation shouldn't be yours.You should and I say with with a sincere heart, sit down and write the pro's and con's of your father on paper and give it to him.Be specific and to the point.Let him know you too are human and amounting something is your thing, not his.People often seek others advice because it is a clearer picture coming from someone else.Perhaps he knows not what he does to you and it is certainly up to you to let him know this. My Mom once told me never forget who you are, where you are going, or where you have been,for you will lose yourself.Be honest with your Dad because he too needs to know how this is affecting you.If he can't see it, then make him see it.Tape how he talks to you and let him hear hisself. That is one of the hardest things to do, but it works.Self preservation is only a step away. Grab it and Growl because life may or may not be handed down to you. It's what you choose to do for yourself.