my mom hates my boyfriend and she doesn't even know him..........?

Question

Ok, me and my boyfriend are completly in love, but my mother hates him, she doesn't even KNOW him. i mean, she has met him, and she knows who he is, but she hasn't really talked to him, and she refuses to. She has pretty much devoted herself completely at trying to destroy a relationship that can't be broken. She has made it to where I can't even see him anymore. The only way we can is by sneaking around. I haven't even seen him in like 3 weeks. Of course thats not stopping us, we have both agreed that its probably going to be hard in the beginning, but she is going to have to get used to him sometime. My mother just doesn't understand. what do I do?

thats the thing, i don't know why she hates him so much she just does, and i just want advice. please, Im tired of sneaking around

Answer 1

I hate him too, and I don't know him!

Answer 2

I understand your feeling for this guy.. But you have to remember nothing good comes to those that don't respect there mother. Its funny how we have all these mixed emotions when we fall careless for another person. But remember who got you in this world in the beginning. And if you show signs that disrespects your mother, other people is going to do it to... And that's exactly what he's doing disrespecting your mother... And you wonder why things are not the way you want them to be.... Nothing good comes to those that disrespects there parents... Don't get me wrong. Sometimes parents just don't understand. But if your mother has the control to stop you from seeing this guy then that means your still living under her rules.. It suck but soon you'll be grown and will be able to make those type of decisions. But for now simmer down with this guy. If he likes you like he say he does you won't loose him. He would be right there when you work out the kinks with your mother... Sneaking around with him does not show your maturity... It shows just how irresponsible you are... (I'm just being real) I won't sugar coat it cause you asked... But I wish you luck... And when you don't have know body, you'll always have your mother.....

Answer 3

Ah, yes, been there and I have to say, that the more my parents did not like my boyfriends, the sexier and more tempting the relationship became. I think your mom is treating him, you, and your relationship together in a way that she feels is "protective". Without knowing the real dynamics in your relationship, I can only assume that she is trying to prevent you from making mistakes she might have made in her past. I know I dated some great guys, or at least I thought they were - and in the end, all the forbidding, screaming matches and denying me access to him eventually turned out to be that they were right. Is your mom a single parent, if she is, she might be putting on the defensive-protective instict a little stronger. But, to make you feel a little better, one of my best relationship was one that I was "forbidden" to have. We only broke up because of college and the distance it put between us, but that was on our terms, not my moms or dads. He was a little on the wild side, as am I, and we tended not to follow rules to closely. It was fun to live life to the fullest, and try to live life a little on the edge. What helped me was including him in family events, and showing my family how special he was, how good he treated me and above all how HAPPY he made me. Any parent will see that this is the key, and if they loosen the apron strings a bit, will eventually let you have (and TRUST YOU BOTH) a good relationship. One thing I must pass on to you is this...be in the relationship because you just cant be without him, he is your best friend and more, and you trust and have confidence in him more than anything - not because there is a little part of you that is only with him despite your mom - and it feels good to have this over her head as punishment for her forbidding it. I have done this, and in the end, although she never said it, she was right - you need to be in charge.

Answer 4

Whatever you do, don't give up. The exact same thing happened to me. I've been with my husband for 4 years now and 3 years of that were spent writing notes and making secret phone calls whenever we could. Stay true to each other and your mother will soften up eventually. When she sees that you are miserable without being able to see him, she'll come around. Mothers usually just want to see you happy. Tell her being with him makes you happy.

Make sure he's worth it before going through this. Every story is different and you could end up wrecking the relationship with your mother over this. Make sure you have him in the end.

Godspeed.

Answer 5

Well, the details are a bit sketchy but this is my thought;

You are her baby girl, regardless of age no man will ever be good enough for you in her eyes. Her way of trying to do what she feels is best for you is to keep you from him.

You need to fess up to her that the harder she tries to keep you away from him the more effort you'll put into seeing him!

Don't issue an ultimatum as this will cause more problems between you.

If u must be sneaky, then have him come over to the house and force a meeting and conversation between the 3 of you. Sit between them, not next to him and not next to mom, be ready to be the mediator!

Him bringing something nice like her favorite flowers or food to share could be a good ice breaker.

Answer 6

Wow, you're like the first girl in the world that this has happened to.

Seriously, you sound young, there's a good chance you're not going to stay with this guy that long, just chill and deal with it, and stop with the "completely in love" talk, because I'm sure that's one thing that's driving your mom nuts.

In other words, shut the hell up about this guy, do what you're gonna do, and see where things go. Melodrama doesn't help anyone.

Answer 7

How old are you? Your posting sounds like you are quite young, in which case -- Mommy knows best. She must have a pretty good reason for "hating" your boyfriend so I suggest you listen to her. Also, you need to respect your Mom and stop sneaking around. If she has said you can't see him -- then you can't!

Answer 8

How old are you? I am guessing still in high school. Right now, Mom is in control. I am wondering, is it because she is concerned that you are sexually active with this guy? You really don't have any choice right now but to obey Mom. Sneaking is not wise, but I can see how you feel that it is necessary. I just want to stress, honey, that if you are sexually active. please always use protection. Having children should be planned and prepared for. Good luck, don't despair. This too shall pass.

Answer 9

Moms are just like that it can be annoying, but its out job. This probably isn't a question for me, a 32 year old mother so I'll leave you go. Love her and explain to her that he's nice. Have her meet him more, get to know him etc.!!

Answer 10

I'm not sure why your mother doesn't like him but I will tell you this-

Your mother is older and wiser and is probably looking out for you. She's 'been there and done that'. She probably sees things that you don't.

My sister is now twice divorced to the same loser- everybody tried telling her while she dated him in the first place that he was no good but of course she was like you- we just didn't know him but in reality we knew him well.

Answer 11

Maybe your mother is just trying to protect you. You don't say your age, but maybe you are too young to be so romantically involved with someone. Your mother understands a lot more than you're willing to admit. I need you and your mother need to have more communication. Try to get her to talk about it. Try to see her point of view. Maybe you can come to some comprimise.