If you have piles is it ok to push them back in with a wooden spoon?

Question

Got no cream

Answer 1

I regularly stick a well vaselined carrot up my back passage, and since I have been doing that I have had no further piles popping out. I like to do it 2 or three times a week, start with a smallish carrot and gradually work your way up to something more dick sized.

Remember to peel the carrot before you use it for a meal though,

Answer 2

Dont do it i have had pile before i know that it is very comfortable so if you have a nice relaxing bath then pop down to your nearest chemist and get some Anusol Ointment. There is also a tablet form Anusol Plus HC Suppositories.

To minimise your discomfort.

Wash your bottom with unperfumed soap after each bowel movement
Dry your bottom thoroughly after washing by gently patting with a soft towel
Wear loose, cotton underwear instead of man made fibres to keep the area as dry as possible
Avoid using talcum powder

To help you not get then again try

Eat lots of high-fibre foods to help avoid constipation. Brown rice, wholemeal bread, vegetables and fruit should all be on your menu but cut down on refined and processed foods such as cakes and biscuits.
Drink plenty of fluids, especially water and fruit juices, but try to avoid coffee and alcohol which can dehydrate you and lead to constipation.
Take regular light exercise - walking and swimming are ideal.
Make time to go to the toilet and go whenever you need to.
Save the reading for the sofa - it's not good to sit on the toilet for longer than necessary.

Answer 3

I though piles was driven in with a pile driver and pile drivers used a wooden spoon to stir up trouble?

I note with more than usual interest that this question is categorised under "Mental Health"

Answer 4

You should always try to put them back where they belong otherwise sitting down will be rather uncomfortable. However, you should take care so as not to rupture the wall of the rectum as this will cause bleeding and possible infection.
It is also recommended to use some kind of lubricant to help push them back as they could easily slip out again when you retract the object you have used to put them back.
If you need help go to the hospital. They will soon sort you out. If you do go, you will probably have to bare your cheeks to the most beautiful member of staff they have. It's some kind of unwritten rule. Good luck.

Answer 5

Apparently if you stand naked astride a traffic cone and then leap as high as you can in the air, crashing down on the cone puts everything back where it should be ...

Well either that or you get a cone full 'o colon ...

Either way the spoon is a bad idea :)

Answer 6

This has got to be a wind up!! Have a bath and pushe them back gently with your finger. All they are - are enlarge veins, if you try using instruments they may burst and cause further problems. I would strongly recommend anusol cram and pessaries though they take the swelling down and reduce them.

Answer 7

You could use a wooden spoon but you better know where its been before in case you catch wood worm!

Answer 8

i wouldnt advise it i mean u might get a splinter and it could get infected then u get gangereen of the hole or something. thats a lot of pain be cheaper in the long run to buy some cream, i'll lone u a fiver if ur really broke...

Answer 9

HAHAHAHA! I know I shouldnt laugh, but I cant help it!

Go for the wooden spoon - the pointy end obviously, and PUSH!

Let us know how you get on....!!

Answer 10

Try a wooden rolling pin instead. You'll get much more leverage.