Daycare Controversy?

Question

I have noticed that there is quite alot of hostility from some people over mothers who put their children into daycare. Comments like"you're leaving other people to raise your child, it's bad for them it lowers their IQ" etc. Why is this and what is your opinion on the subject? Also, do these people have kids? Do they have to work? What about fathers? Are they exempted from this nagging because men are "supposed" to work? I don't know of many families that can make it on one income alone, and that doesn't even matter for all the single parents out there. Do these people honestly think we want to leave our children with others? Do they want to sterilize the middle class and working poor, or should we just sit home with our kids and collect welfare? (Sorry, I'm getting riled up.) But I would really like to hear from anybody who has a strong opinion on this topic. Tell me what you think and why.

Answer 1

I know.. this is really unfair. I have done stay- at- home (for 2 years after my son was born) and working mom. You get blasted either way. You really do have to check out your daycares because there are some lousy ones out there, (sadly, I speak from experience) but there are some really good ones too. I doesn't really matter what the issue is, someone else will always think they know what's best for YOUR kids. Breast vs. bottle, daycare vs. stay-at-home, natural child birth vs. medication -- you have to do what's right for you. Incidentally my son did eventually go into daycare, now he's in first grade and at the top of his class. He's reading Hardy Boys books (at the age of six!) and can do simple multiplication and division. Lower IQ? I'm thinking no. :)

Answer 2

I'm lucky enough to be able to stay home with my 2 kids. We are broke sometimes and can't afford to do fun stuff or get alone time, but I'm the kind of person who would feel guilty leaving my kids in daycare. For where we live and what jobs I can do, daycare wouldn't be cost-effective anyway. I would have to pay at least 1200 bucks a month for both kids for a reputable daycare, and I haven't yet gone to college to get a degree. So, when you figure an average wage of say 6.50 per hour, 40 hours per week... Well- that doesn't even cover the cost of daycare BEFORE taxes. Basically I'd be paying to go to work. Sometimes I feel inferior because I don't work outside the home though- I guess someone is always going to feel bad about their situation- regardless of what it is. Women who work and put their kids in daycare feel guilty, women who stay home feel old fashioned and bored!

Answer 3

I think that if at all possible, children should be tended to by a parent or other family member... providing a family member would be available to care for the child.

I am incredibly blessed to be able to stay at home and care for our daughter. I know that... I believe that. I know that there are other parents (fathers included) who are able to stay home and tend to their children rather that put the children in daycare.

I also know that there are people who, by choice or by necessity, put their children into daycare. While I can't honestly say that I understand choosing to put a child into daycare instead of making the sacrifices that may be necessary for a parent to stay home and tend to their children... I will say that I believe that is their choice and that is fine.

As for people who have no choice... that is something different entirely. If the only choice is between daycare or welfare, well, there are people who simply do not see that as a choice.

Not all daycares are cold, unfeeling institutions. I'm sure that there are daycares out there where the staff nurtures, teaches and cares for children as if they were their very own. It's not fair to look at the glaring bad examples of daycares and think that is the norm. One bad apple may spoil the bunch, but the same is not true for everything. One bad daycare should *NOT* label all daycares as bad.

My husband and I do not want our children to be in daycare (right now we have one daughter... we are hoping and praying for more someday). We are willing to make sacrifices in order for at least one of us to stay home and tend to our children. We are able to do this partly because our lifestyle is rather frugal in nature in the first place.

This should not be a controversy. I know that there are people who believe that no child should be in daycare. I can understand that point of view. I know that there are people who feel that there is nothing wrong with daycare, as a whole, and have no problems putting their children into daycare. I have to say I have trouble understanding that point of view, but it's not something that I would start an argument over. I know what is best for my children... if a child is safe and well taken care of, who am I to say what is best for someone else's child?

Answer 4

There is a lot of hostility from some of these people about daycare, but that's probably because the only time you hear about a daycare center, it's something bad. There are a lot of good daycare centers out there. There are also a lot of people who aren't as fortunate as I have been, being able to be a stay at home mom. If the family can't afford to have one parent stay at home, then it's ok to send the child/children to daycare. People need to stop worrying about other people's kids and start raising their own.

Answer 5

I am not going to set here and tell anyone that they are bad for using a daycare for their children. I will say that unfortunately it is the only alternative that a lot of parents have no choice but to make.That being said , and you did ask how I felt about daycare. I am thankful that I did not have to make much use of such facilities with my daughter when she was small. My wife at the time worked during the day and I took care of my baby during that time and when she got home in the afternoon I would then go to my job and work 12 hours and be back home the next morning to take care of my baby.
My daughter is now a single Mom and I made the decision to semi-retire and move to where she lives and have been here taking care of my granddaughter. This of course affords her the time she needs to do her job in the military with all it's benefits that go along with it in order for her to support her child and take care of the expenses that comes with having a child.
Unfortunately it has gotten to the point where economically both parents have not got much choice but to work to provide a decent life for their children today and to maintain the best lifestyle they can for their family.

Answer 6

I've been on both sides ot the issue and, frankly, don't understand why anyone gets so defensive of their position either way. People who complain that others should stay home too are obviously lonely or concerned over their choice. People who work outside the home and put their kids in daycare who defend their position are probably equally on shaky ground. Sometimes people don't embrace their choices and that's what leads to controversy.

My oldest was a very sick child until I took her out of daycare. She also has juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and, because it's immune system related, being in a communal childcare situation made everything worse. So for me swapping work schedules with my husband to take her out of daycare was an obvious choice.

Sometimes I think people don't think their actions through properly and this gets annoying to me. Its not the choice being made, it's the complaints related to the choice that just bother me. My friend whose husband could move to flexible hours to work evenings and earn more money refuses to let him so they can take their son out of childcare. It would save them lots of money (more income from evening shift and no spendy daycare because they would be working opposite schedules). Yet she complains that the daycare is why her son is sick "all of the time." She has a solution but won't take it because she'd see her husband less. Honestly, this is silly because it means their kid sees each of them less. I can't and won't say anything because she is so defensive of her position on this that it gets a hostile response.

It's all about choices and which ones you are willing to make and which ones you have no choice but make. If people would just get off each others backs and be supportive of each other, then kids and families wouldn't suffer from the stigma of whatever is considered the downfall of each position.

Answer 7

I had a mom that was a full time stay at home parent, and I am so thankful for that. I always imagined that I would be a mom that would/could stay home with my children.

But -- my husband and I can't afford to only have one income right now. We did a lot of research before choosing our son's day care. It is a loving, safe, clean environment -- and even though I wish I could be with him every day, I trust the women that care for him.

There is so much heated controversy on this subject, and I don't understand how anyone can think that there is one right answer. Different families have different needs. You have to choose what works for your own.

Answer 8

I think that this a decision that only the couple can make. Some moms need to work for financial reasons, others need to work for thier sanity. I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with our daughter but there are days where I wish I was getting ready for work..lol We' ve made alot of sacrifices(as far as fun and extra money) but some people would rather work during the week, kids in daycare and then spend the weekends doing special things with the extra money. MOre power to those moms & dads who work all day and then still have energy to deal with the little ones.

Answer 9

I do not have a problem at all with parents putting their children into daycare. My niece goes to daycare after she gets out of school until my sister or her fiance gets off of work. However, I know someone who does not work and puts her children in daycare. I don't think that is appropriate.

Answer 10

I believe that if you can stay home for at least the first year of your child's life then more power to you. But the child should still be in some kind of play group or "mommy's day out" or something like that. Just staying at home all day with your child and not having them interact with other kids is not a good idea. I have a home daycare and I actually TEACH my kids things. Not just watching them, they learn with me. I also have worked in a daycare center before and it was very good for the children none of them had low IQ'S infact, most of them were very smart. So I say if you can do it, do it, if you can't it is o.k. too because we all do have to work and everything is expensive these days to gas prices to a mortgage so it is nothing wrong with putting your child in a daycare.