With people seldom as those whom we think they are how do we maintain friendliness and good will?

Question

I am absolutely astounded by those around me whom I have been good friends with for some time and then I see a side to them that is just so diametrical to who I thought they were. I am sure that you have felt the same way. Even those who have some consistency often change radically. With that being the case is it not best to have a friendship with oneself and trust it beyond all others. Certainly it would seem that by being more of an introvert and not needing to be influenced by the rest of the world a person has a chance of being a fairly consistent personality throughout his life. It is those who are extroverted who are continually changing. Still, even if one does act the part of an introvert how does he do this and yet not become cynical to the world around him

Answer 1

Just be true to you - people experiment or try to fit in while they are searching to find themselves. Be patient and discover what the trueness is of someone. Don't put yourself in a box , though - you won't grow and mature and change if you do.

Answer 2

I am an introvert and people view me as being unsociable when really I am just shy. More extroverted persons often make friends with me and often critizise me relentlessly until finally I have enough and explode in their face and then they think I am a different person and so I lose the friendship. On rare occassions I meet someone who knows how to give constructive criticism and that kind of friendship always lasts. We do have to keep in mind that people always tell you what they want you to know when you first meet them. We all have skeletons in the closet and we all have faults. Non of us is perfect and so we have to keep searching for friends who can live with our faults and our past. And sometimes people do change. Some of us learn from the wrong things we have done in the past and learn to do better, but often people won't give us a second chance. Mostly I have lost friendships because my friends didn't bother to talk to me about an issue they had with me....usually it was rash judgment on their part....but they lose.

Answer 3

great question!

i honestly don't know how to do it without ending up somewhat of a cynic.

on x-files they used to say "trust no one," and now, on house (awesome show, by the way!), he says "everyone lies." yes, i know, respectable resources no doubt. But, as crude as those axioms may sound, i have yet to find a person to whom one or the other hasn't eventually applied, including myself.

so, it seems then, that we are left with knowing what we know about people and having to decide if their positive traits outweigh the bad ones enough in order that we may continue in an honest friendship.

i think i become my own confidante when i reached that understanding. i still have friends; albeit a small, select group of mostly positive people. others, those whose negatives outweighed their positives, were eventually relegated to mere acquaintances. Not as some sort of punishment, but just through natural progression

unfortunately, it takes some painful lessons to learn which category the people around you fall into. but once you do, you take that knowledge you've gained and apply it to how they fit in your life. if someone who's smart and generous also happens to be something of a secret-leaker, then you know not to trust them as confidantes.

i think in this way we can still remain in the social world without having to betray our own ideals and expectations of what we think people should be or having to introvert ourselves.

that being said, i am quite the flawed person and tend to remain quite solitary. perhaps i just have more lessons to learn.

Answer 4

You can't really. It's one or the other. But, people shouldn't lose sight of who they are, unless they want to be sombody else, and some do. I know myself, and am mostly introverted. But I have contact with other people through work, and it helps keep me normal and not like an angry hermit.

Answer 5

pretense or ostentatiousness.

Answer 6

dunno i agree with your idea though.