How to "train" a man?

Question

Okay, I have no intention to "train" my boyfriend. I love him the way he is, I just wanted an attention grabber headline. Here's the thing. I work 70hrs a week, and go to school part thime, right now, he works 40 hrs a week on "light duty" because he tore something in his shoulder. Since I started this second job, he's been drinking a LOT more, staying out LATER, and neglecting to help with any household chores. Can ANYONE tell me what's going on with this? He insist that he wants to spend time with me and that it's "not his fault" he's out so late (someone always wants to have a deep philosophical conversation with him, his pap's (deceased) bday is comming up, he never gets to see this friend, yada yada yada) our sex life shot to hell, and now I'm always pissed. NOW, before you answer, NO, he's not cheating on me. not a possibility. No, I'm not going to leave him, we are very much in love and commited to one another, and if you insist on leaving something stupuid then at least make it

.....continued from above......
at least make it super funny, I could use a good laugh right now

Answer 1

How to train him? Try doggie biscuits when he pleases you. Eventually, he'll get the idea ;-)

Answer 2

I'm no shrink, but it sounds to me like he's depressed. Perhaps he feels like he's not being a "good provider". If he feels like he's being a freeloader and you're doing all the work, that can leave him feeling emasculated. It can get uncomfortable for him to be around you. Even though he still loves you, he may be feeling like he doesn't deserve you.

Don't try discussing this logically with him. This stuff is happening on an emotional level, and emotions are not moved by logic. You may be able to discuss it on an emotional level, though.

As I'm sure you know, The "no time" excuse is just an excuse. In reality, people can find time to do whatever they want, if it's important enough to them. It's just a matter of where they have their priorities. If he isn't spending time with you, then there's some reason why he's not comfortable spending time with you right now.

If this is what's going on, then the cure is for him to take on responsibility - and I don't mean housework. He needs to feel like a man, not a maid.

Of course, this is sheer speculation on my part - I could be totally wrong. You know him way better than I do, so you be the judge of that. :-)

Answer 3

I think you work too hard. cut down the hours.70 hours is like working 10 hours a day and not to mention the 8 hour sleeping time. all up, you only have 6 hours in a day for other things. He is not doing light duty for 40 hours a week... that is supposed to be average... I think he has succumbed to the drinking and being out late simply because he has nothing to do at home.(since you are not home anyways, I THINK).. Hell, i would do that as well.... nothing like sitting in a local pub, having a few to drink in the evenings chit chatting with the regular mates. There are times when you do get cought up in a conversation in the pub and one two drinks becomes one too many.

Speak to him and tell him what you think... Dont jump the gun, allow him to expain himself. You can "train" him by saying that you wish to spend more time, or make the time by having some decent off days from work and just chill with him... make sure he knows in advance that you are having the off day and make it a point to spend time. When he actually realises that he misses you, he will cut down the hours in the pub.... If he does not budge, then, maybe yu guys need a psychologist to sort it out.

AND, please take time off his pop's bday and visit the grave or something with him... make him feel special by showing that you care and its "not just another dead pop"

Harsh? I know, but reality bites. Its often easier for people to diagnose other peoples problems rather than doing it yourself.

My parents are going through divorce, so i know. Its all about compromises you have to make in life

Answer 4

I still think that all men need "training". LOL! I don't know what the deal is. Although I will have to say that I would be concerned about the drinking thing. I know you trust him. However I trusted my husband when he began going out with the guys after work and drinking. Needless to say, he is now my ex-husband. I would also try to work on positive things for yourself so that you don't get resentful of his lackadaisical attitude. The important thing right now with the extra hours and the school load that you don't allow yourself to get lost trying to help him find his way. May God Bless you! I hope that things work out for you.

Answer 5

He is probably feeling a bit useless right now. Read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Seriously...it is a great book on the differences between men and women, and may help you figure out what to do.

Answer 6

His injury and the fact that hes bringing in less money than you are can be a major ego blaster. Typically, most men feel they have to be the "bread winners" (even though woman work too...go figure).

Answer 7

I'm going through a similar issue with my husband, and no he's not cheating,and no im not going to leave him. If you need a friend to talk to or vent, then im me- my screename is perfectbiotch2000. Hang in there,things will get better

Answer 8

Sweetheart read this book:

"The proper care and feeding of husbands"

Good Luck ! ! ! The author points out one very important fact.
Do onto him as you'd have done onto yourself.
You catch more bee's with honey than vinegar.

Answer 9

yoUr duty time n his duty time is different to spent time in together. i suggest u should go to him in his free time,take 1/2 days leave from ur job, n meet him in a romantic mode.

Answer 10

you can´t train him to anything he doesn´t want to do. talk to him and try to get him open up. something is bothering him, you can tell it by his actions. talk, talk, talk, until problem is solved. get help if you won´t find answer by yourselves!