40% of fathers lose contact with their children following divorce - nothing would keep me from wanting to be?

Question

part of my lovely daughter's life - how can they do it?

Answer 1

My daughter is a psychological mess becaue after divorcing her father, he remarried and to "impress" his new bride, he abandoned her to prove to his new wife that he was ever "faithful" to her.

She thinks he's a douche bag because of it and has pressured him over the years to take the time to see his daughter.

She calls to see how she's doing all the time. The only reason she stays with my ex is because she had a baby with him and she's afraid he'll do the same to her child. She was about to divorce him and she accidently got pregnant.

The guy ditched his daughter then tries to tell his family I wouldn't let him see her, that I was on a revenge trip to get him back, yaddi yadda (I divorced him,, and I even went to the extent of paying for the whole thing to get him away from me,, why would I want him back?????)

I tried being his friend at first, I gave him beyond liberal visitation, I even gave him back the child support he paid because he took her for a week,,, but as soon as he met his new wife, he turned on me, and stopped seeing his daughter. Then he tried to blame his new wife for it. uuugghhh

Answer 2

It's each to their own, darling! I have 2 Children - seperated 4 years ago. Their Father found a new Parner and had their first baby together a year ago and now she is pregnant with the next one (I should point out that I am in a happy relationship and also intend on having more Chldren - my Children from that relationship are in my care). My point being is that for some reason, when my ex had the 1st baby, he seemed to loose interest in my Boys.

Slowly but surely, the contact ceased all together.

It can have such an effect on the Children. Some of these Parent's do not see that. My eldest (he is 7) has been to councelling and that helped some what but nothing will replace the fact that his Father no longer wants to have contact with him because he seems to have better things to do with his time. It makes me SO angry that parents can do this to their Children.

I could never do that to my kids... never.

Answer 3

im afraid there are far to many men who see their children as part of the *family* or almost as an extension of their love for their partner - when that partner no longer holds their love & they are no longer part of a family, their interest in their kids fades too.

this is all too easy - especially as they will be living a free & single life apart from their contact sessions. then you can add that they will go to work much of the week & eventually get a new girlfriend & resent the limited time they get to spend alone together. some men also like the idea of seeing their ex struggle alone with the kids & resent being her babysitter & paying child support...

but there are also women who will make contact very difficult - ive seen some of the loveliest loyal wifes/mums turn very spiteful during the speration process.

at some stage they BOTH seem to lose sight that their child is more important than the fairness of who spends the most money, who has the most freedom & who is seen as the boring parent....

Answer 4

My ex husband who is father to my 3 eldest children has simply not bothered to keep in touch with his kids who are 7 and twins who are 5. He hasnt seen the twins since they were 6mths old and has never paid a penny towards helping me bring them up. I was willing to let him have access and he didnt want to know. I think if a father is willing then the mother should encourage it but as soon as the father starts messing the kids about, missing appointments etc, then the mother needs to put her foot down so the kids dont end up getting hurt.
Im lucky that ive found a new partner who loves my kids like his own. They all call him daddy now.
Sometimes the real fathers dont wanna know, and i have to say its their loss. But the good guys out there that wanna be a part of their kids lives, keep up the good work!

Answer 5

It's not always the father's fault - many mothers stop allowing access, using the children as a weapon against their ex.

I can't imagine my daughter not being in my life and for the same reason, would never deny her father access if we split (unless he was a threat to her of course). It's not fair on the child involved.

Whether it's down to the mother or father, 40% of children from divorced families not seeing their dad is a frightening statistic

Answer 6

Because the situation gets so complicated once you seperate. As a father, you may be the most decent person but you have to get permission from the courts to see your daughter. If you can't afford a lawyer, man you are screwed, the mother of the child will do everything in their power (of course with the encouragement of the her lawyer) to keep you from the child.

My husband is now struggling with that, they threatened him with trespassing if he were to show up, he had planned a trip bought plane tickets and OKed the dates with the Mother but once the lawyer heard about we were bombarded with letters and threats. Finally the judge sent an emergency parenting time order (because my husband had an order from a previous order stating that he was allowed to see his daughter).
So anyway, he went and saw her, the conditions were that he has to see her in the mother and stepfather's house, for only 4 hours a day and for only 3 days at a time AND under the supervision of the mother. Like he some wild animal that's going to hurt his daughter (keep in mind that he's been raising our son, he's knows what he is doing). Then to top it all off he comes to realize that she's calling her stepfather "Daddy" and all the phone calls and gifts my husbands been sending they have been lying to her telling her it's from her stepfather not her real father!
The other issue is that he would love to see her more, but we are in NJ and they are in Colorado and everytime he has to take a trip he must spend about $2000, hotel, flight, car rental and loss of wages. This can be all so discouraging and extremely difficult for the average father maybe but luckily my husband is strong willed enough to get through this and make sure he sees his daughter. Of course it will be a financial burden to us and we will have to suffer, but this is what he must do in order to be in his daughter's life.

Answer 7

Good ?. I give my ex full access to our son whenever he wants it; want to guess how often that is? Hardly ever... He hasn't spent the night at his dad's in over three years... Yet most people would say he's a responsible father because he pays his child support. Yes that good but that's not all a kid needs, I'd take less money if he'd spend more time. But I think alot of men still have the notion that their main job is as a provider, they think it starts and ends with $$$

Answer 8

sorry love but it the women who use kids as a weapon agaisnt there ex that can create this sitution,i cant believe you live in this day and age and know what goes on?if a women has a new partner she can make it hard impossible for the father to see them.there is a percentage of men that will have nothing to do with them that true,but it mainly women be complete bitc*es to ther ex even if they were the one who split up the relationship.stop wearing your rose colour specs and join the real world,bet your daughter young to say something like this

Answer 9

Simple answer, thats because 40% of mothers stop us fathers from seeing our kids, speaking from experience here by the way

So its not that we 'can do it' we have no choice !!!

II would love nothing more than to have my kids in my life 100% of my time, but thanks to my Ex, the Courts and the lovely CSA, others have decided that I cannot see my kids growing up, only as and when it suits others

Dont judge what you dont know

Answer 10

things arent always as straight forward as they seem. my husband has a child from a previous marriage and his ex wife stopped him seeing him on the day of their divorce. i can appreciate that she doesnt want to see him as my husband didnt give her an easy life but she shouldnt be punishing the child as he and his father were very close. it breaks my husbands heart that he doesnt see his son and thinks about him every day. we just hope that when the son is old enough to make up his own mind he will look for his dad.