okay, heres the situation. ive been dating the same guy for 3 years throughout high school. he cheated on my once the first year b/c he was drunk. i also caught him flirting a lot and misbehaving (not exactly cheating) for the first year of our relationship. The second year was good, but by the end of that summer, he started having doubts. he got a big temper, and was basically a jerk to me. we stayed together, but eventually we took a break this bast winter b/c he said he needed to have a chance to experience something else. we broke up, he didn't do anything but miss me, so we got back together. 4 months later, he starts wondering again. we take another break, he gets to know another girl and kisses her, but lies to me about it. I didnt find out until we ended up getting back together. So then...2 months later we both go to college. during the past summer, he was never really the guy that i wanted him to be. But now that we're in college he cries and misses me a whole lot...
Additional Details
15 minutes ago
he treats me a whole lot better now that we are 6 hours apart than he ever did. he says he wants to get married and everything and he doesn't even party or anything in college. Meanwhile, b/c of the way he treated me in the past, i'm having doubts b/c i met this other really nice guy, and we kissed at a party last weekend. I've never had another boyfriend other than my long term...i keep thinking about the new guy and he acts like hes interested in me too, but he knows i have a bf..i dont know what to do b/c my long term is being so sweet and he misses me more than i miss him, and i get so giddy when i'm around this other guy. what do i do?
2006-09-07 18:54:03 · 17 answers · asked by sugar56 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Date the new guy...Dump the old....
2006-09-07 19:05:33 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first how old are u? I'm sure the both of u are in ur teens or twenties if ur just starting college..my advice to u from experience is this dude is taking u through hoops, and as long as u allow him to do this he will not take u serious. He might be at this point of his life where he needs to experience being with other women besides u. I'm sure he loves u but I think u need to give this new guy a chance, even if it's nothing more than a friendship..i mean do u really think he's 6 hours away not having fun and flirting because he misses u that much? good luck!
2006-09-07 19:04:40 · answer #2 · answered by Ultimate Diva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of what happens with your bf in the future, I strongly advise you to experience all college life has to offer before getting into what may be a long-term relationship. If you do hook up again later, you have a better idea about what your wants and needs are, and a better perspective about how good he may or may not be as a life partner.
He is probably just on best behavior because he's worried that you'll meet interesting and stimulating men in college--and it sounds like he's right to be worried.
The happiness I have now has a lot to do with the fact that I checked out everything single life had to offer--in fact, some may accuse me of overkill, but when I chose to settle down I was confident in my decision and I've never once looked back.
Spread your wings and fly around a little before you pick a tree to build a nest in.
2006-09-07 19:05:06 · answer #3 · answered by Pepper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a break from your boyfriend.
The way he's felt about your relationship has controlled your emotions for too long. Do you think that he might be more dependent on you and on the relationship than he is in love with you? That might be part of the problem and it might not. At any rate, some reasons for a break are:
1. It will allow you to see what else is out there. I'm not talking physically. I mean that it will allow you to meet a lot of hopefully really nice guys who treat you well. Getting a taste of what that's like (like the guy you kissed at the party) will help you make the decision of whether or not you want to continue with your boyfriend.
2. It will give your boyfriend a taste of his own medicine. He'll know how it feels to be with someone who's not always sure they want to be with you.
3. It will allow you to see things clearer since you're stepping out of the relationship and seeing it from outside. It will give you some breathing room and the ability to make decisions without having to consider him all the time and figure out who you are outside of the relationship (since you guys started dating so young). It'll be easier for you to figure out whether or not you want to be with him, someone else or on your own. It'll also help you see what changes need to be made if you decide you want to give your relationship another chance.
However, if you decide to take a break, communicate and be clear before hand if that means you guys will be dating other people during that period or not. Because remember, you'll have to deal with knowing that he's probably seeing other people during that time. So if you don't want that, and you can also stick to not cheating, then make it clear.
2006-09-07 19:51:49 · answer #4 · answered by Purple 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-06 21:21:25 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a nice and smart girl. This type of relationship usually does not work. Take a long break, if it is meant to be it will. But I think you may be expecting too much from this guy. A young man a long way from home who has already shown that he has a wondering eye... you know the answer, you just do not want to admit it.
2006-09-07 19:01:39 · answer #6 · answered by It All Matters.~☺♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, the best predictor of the future is the past. This guy has you on a yoyo for years. And each time he is sweet and says he loves you and you take him back. It is like he is a nice warm fire and you get close and don't burn, but when you get real close you get burned. And you keep doing it over and over again. Why would anyone want to continue to stick their arm in a fire & get burned? You on and off again BF is a big fire and you continue to get too close and you get burned. You haven't leaned your lesson yet. Just stop playing with fire.
What about you makes you think you can spend a life time with a guy who isn't consistant and who has continued to let you down?
And you say you never had another bf. Hon, you deserve a good guy. I haven't met your bf yes, but I don't like him. This is not love you feel, it is a habit...the drama, and then he comes back to you and there is positive drama for you. If is like a drug this guy. Time to go cold turkey. Drop him. Be who you are. And meet other guys. Like the one who is showing you some interest.
Please learn that you need to be able to stand on your own without a bf. It is a huge lessons that girls need to learn...to be strong enough to be on your own. And learn to love yourself enough to have a decent guy in your life.
2006-09-07 19:05:46 · answer #7 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all these comments have been really bitchy... the way i see it would seem maybe you havnt met enough people in thsi world hun.. 3 years is a logn itme and i commend you for your efforts keeping a long stable relationship....
but if you live in the idealistic world, long distance relationships generally dotn turn out too good adn this is exactly why.. you hooked up with a guy at a party... and your boyfriend doesnt have a clue... kinda like what he did to u in the 1st year aye... u obviously didnt like it.. do u think he will too???
trust and loyalty is needed in your relationship.. i honestly think that you should take a break with your boyfriend... to see whats out there but the way youve set yourself up i dont commend...
it u wanted to try new things u shooda tlked to him 1st about it.. uno.. he has a right to know... like you did when he cheated on u... trust in a relationship is hard to gain after youve lost it... you should know.. he cheated on you.. so maybe you should learn from his mistakes and try not to do it to him...
2006-09-07 19:19:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your long term b/f treated you like crap for way too long. Now, for whatever reason, he misses you & maybe realizes he stands to lose. In the meantime, maybe you're realizing what you stand to gain. He was so wishy washy in the past, that he's almost made you wishy washy in the present. He misses you now, but what if he meets somebody after you've rejected this great new guy. It's so easy to stay with what we know, than to take a chance on something or someone new. I always say to go with your gut instinct. Write a list of Pro's & Con's of each guy, maybe that'll help you. But, to be honest with you, while reading your details, it almost sounds like you're having to talk yourself into staying with your long term off & on & off & on again b/f. You sound like you're young. Take your time sweetie, you've got plenty of it to decide who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Good Luck
2006-09-07 19:11:05 · answer #9 · answered by yobaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your bf that you need a break now. And DATE!!! Don't get tied down to one person, but date many, so you can find the type that you mesh with and will want to spend the rest of your life with. Good luck!
2006-09-07 19:00:33 · answer #10 · answered by TheGuru 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest with you, your gonna have these doubts all through your marraige life. I know its how i feel all the time.
Go for the new guy you have still got plenty of time b4 u should even be thinking of getting married.
2006-09-07 19:01:02 · answer #11 · answered by Gesiggie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋