We have a baby together and ever since she's been born we have been fighting. We fight over the dumbest things. We hardly ever talk and when we do we fight. We hardly ever have sex anymore because he says he's too tired. Before the baby we got along great and now he always criticizes me and calls me names like "fatass & dumb lazy *****". I love him but I just don't know what to do. Somebody please HELP!!!
2006-09-07 18:49:16 · 28 answers · asked by Abbygirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
When I do try to talk to him about our problems he's never serious about the situation. He just starts acting like a smartass like its no big deal.
2006-09-07 19:06:44 · update #1
yes
2006-09-07 18:50:48 · answer #1 · answered by rehabob 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what I can tell, fatherhood was not on the top of his to-do list. Some people see a child as shackles that hold them down from doing what they've always wanted to do. What you two are experiencing is called continual recurrence. This happens to everyone, and I mean everyone. When you see a person over, and over, and over, and over, and...(you get the point). You start to notice the little things about them. This things start out as small insignificants but later on can drive you crazy. The way she grinds her teeth, how he's always leaving the toilet seat up, how she never turns off the light when your sleeping or how he never uses a glass. These tiny imperfection grow on you a cause you to severely dislike your "continual recurrence" of them. But he really doesn't seem to be taking to fatherhood too well. You should have a serious sit down with him. You could make him his favorite meal, and have a nice dinner together. I make sure that nothing interfer with the night. Maybe you could get a sitter, or have someone take care of the baby for one evening. Once the night as started and his stomach is full (this is a great way to change someone's disposition for the better) you two could finally get so really quality time alone with each other. Maybe talk about how you two could make things work, or if they is a real reason behind why he is being so cold towards you. You two had a spark when you first started, and the baby may have put a damper on things, but the fires not out. Maybe you should show him that parenthood isn't the worst thing in the world. Even if he gets heated in this conversation, don't throw oil on the fire by yelling to. Give him so time to breath and try to calm things down by getting him so water and talking to him. If you two can address the problems at hand and get over them, then you can get out of this slump. The problem isn't with you, it's his state of mind. I warn you though, this kind of thought is mostly brought about by extreme anxiety or guilt. He may be overwhelmed by fatherhood, or he could even be cheating on you. I'm sorry that I have to shead this kind of light on the problem, but I want you to know all the possiblities, but even if this is a possiblity, that doesn't mean you should be loading the gun. Give your man the benefit of the doubt. People can always surprise you, and everyone is entitled to a happy ending. If you feel it's too far lost then the call is always yours. It's your life, you have control, no matter what anyone else says. I hope this has helped, good luck with your life.
2006-09-07 19:18:02 · answer #2 · answered by binhducduong 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a big decision. You can raise your baby alone or with him. Ask him what he wants. Don't put all the responsibility of the relationship working on him. If you want to talk...you should talk. But respect his tiredness. A baby is a big responsibility. Try to tell him how much you appreciate him being there for you. Treat him like you did when you first met. If he still treats you badly, then try to move back with family to help you with the baby. But this is an important relationship since you have a child together. It's always better to try to make it work if at all possible. A family is better than no family but not if will be abusive. Try these little things and see how he responds. You can always leave later if it doesn't work out. Give it a shot. Good luck!
2006-09-07 18:53:39 · answer #3 · answered by mamaloo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I struck with the sentence " I love him " and I understand what you and yours are going through the responsibility and another chapter of your guys' lives. Here is my advice and I hope you and him are trying to make it works.I think you love birds are not ready to have a child yet. May be you are too young or you both have to work long hours and your kid is in the day care. You do not give me the general info and I only analyze what you only tell me. Now you and him need to have a family therapy and find a good psychologist to help you two sort things out and I can see the anger toward each other.
Here is my quest such as Your figure is changing and he could not handle the growing of your body after having a baby. To me it is normal and some guy he expects you to be pretty all the time but raising first kid is very hard to manage the task.
You both have to work outside and pay for bills,taking the kid back and forth to the day care or if you stay home is also plenty to do while attending your kid.
He said he was tired and I am not sure he has more than two jobs or one job.
You and him fight for nothing, Now you both need a middle man in order to save your relationship.
The psychologist can help and restore the communication that broke down. Now it is up to you love birds to work it out.Good luck and let me know what is next? I am sure it is going to be better and it is not that hard to make it.
2006-09-07 19:50:34 · answer #4 · answered by ryladie99 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well $hit. I was going to suggest trying to work things out until you brought up the verbal abuse. It may be words, but it's still abuse. I'm not saying leave him tonight, but I think you should make it VERY clear to him that no one should have to put up with that and it's time things changed. A baby can put a lot of different strains on a relationship. No doubt about that. Hopefully if you sit him down and get him to stop being verbally abusive towards you, you two can just focus on working out your constant arguments and the intimacy issues. Both of which seem VERY common ammong a couple with a new born. It'll take a great deal of effort from the both of you. No doubt you've both already put foward a great deal an effort, time to reach and put fowarth even more though. If he doesn't stop with the verbal abuse, leave him. If he stops it then I strongly suggest you two try and work out your other differences as best you can before calling it quits.
2006-09-07 18:53:11 · answer #5 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing that you should do before any decision you will make is try to have a one on one talk with your boyfriend. However, be sure that you will prepare yourself to patient enough in order that you will not end of fighting. Remember, that your boyfriend will surely be defensive here, so try your best to open up your conversation as peaceful and calm without any tone of accusation.
In this way, you will know what happen or what is the cause of your present situation. However, if this move will fail I would suggest that you have to seek help from other people to mediate between the two of you and possibly end up with him.
2006-09-07 18:56:09 · answer #6 · answered by jlaniwan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient for another month or two. In this period, think about your life, your future and evaluate everything. Couple may experience difficulties or differences of opinion when an event occurs, in this case, you new born baby.
Relationship is all about togetherness, communicating effectively and above all, compromising. Both parties must give and take.
Therefore, have a talk with him soon. if he has nothing to give into this relationship except for name-calling, and being withdrawn..
Then, do whats best for urself and your baby...
2006-09-07 18:59:51 · answer #7 · answered by Smokie D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I also have a young child with my boyfriend of 5 years. Like yourself we got along just dandy before our Jacinta came along. We stopped having sex and we both started lashing out at one another. I really think having a child together is worth trying to save the relationship. Talk to him and tell him you are worried that you are going to loose him. I would also STRONGLY recommend counseling. It worked with my man :) If that doesn't work than maybe it isn't meant to be :( BUT! Please don't give up just yet! Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you and your family!
2006-09-07 19:02:45 · answer #8 · answered by Lily 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well depends..how long ago did you have the baby together... did you really ask him if he wanted the baby and if he was ready to be a dad/ Was it planned? it may be just he is having a hard time giving up being wild and young...sounds like you need to have some good talks about where your life is at, where you want it to be, and how you are going to getthere..if you are both heading in different directions, have different ideas on what a happy life is, you need to move on
2006-09-07 18:54:57 · answer #9 · answered by vincenzo445 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should not argue with him, maybe he is just pressure. Since you've got a baby, you have to stick with aside from that you love him still. You must try to work it out. All relationships gone through hardships but if he no longer loves you anymore, well it's a different story.
2006-09-07 18:52:23 · answer #10 · answered by cynnie_azalea 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you love him? how much do you love yourself? you dont have to be with a man cause you had a baby by him trust that. if he is calling you names you need to reevaluate your values and who you are. you are worth more than a man disrespecting you like that. too many out there would appreciate you for a person. sound like he aint even interested in you could have started earlier and he thought that the baby would help with uniting together
2006-09-07 18:58:31 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋