i have been married to him for almost 11 years. he has been sober for about one and a half years, but started drinking about two months ago.he has been on vacation, so he's drunk every day.i know what this is going to lead to, he has sezures when he with draws.here we go again, same old stuff. why in heck do i stay with him? i threaten all the time to leave, but he knows i dont mean it. when he's sober i love him, but when he's drunk, i cant stand him.i know he's never going to quit, any suggestions,please.
2006-09-07 18:33:22 · 30 answers · asked by susyq47 3 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Other - Diseases
Al-Anon or Codependents Anonymous for YOU, because you are a co-dependent, and an enabler. You can't change him - forget about him for now, focus on changing yourself and then you will know exactly what to do.
2006-09-07 18:38:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you succeed in getting him to AA, which seems to be everyone's suggerstion, you won't like him once he becomes sober. Instead of being drunk he will be gone with his AA buddies and going to meetings all of the time. He will get phone calls all hours of the day and night from program friends. He will change and it will be a direct result of the new religion that he finds in AA.
If you go to any of the 12 step programs you will find that they are a religious program that wants to introduce you to their version of god.
It really comes down to what you can and cannot tolerate and how long you are willing to tolerate it. Sometimes the few good times aren't enough to make up for the bad times.
As long as he knows that you won't leave, however, he has no reason to quit drinking. He can quit anytime he wants to, he just doesn't want to.
2006-09-08 03:44:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I too am married to an alcoholic, he quit for a little over a year and is back to drinking everyday and has the shakes everyday, d.T's etc. I find support from my close friends helpful. Yes, i know you love him and do not for see you leaving him, maybe if you write out your feelings in a letter to him letting him know how much he is loved and supported, would he consider treatment? You can also take the more drastic route and commit him, but if he does not feel like he is in control, I doubt that he will quit, Good luck to you honey, try to surround yourself with your friends and family and stand strong my thoughts are with you, God bless!
2006-09-08 01:44:14 · answer #3 · answered by Johnnies girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mom was in this same situation for ten years, beleive me, it helps alot leaving, was the best thing my mom ever decided to do...
even if you have kids dont worry, would you want them growing up with him like that? I hated my stepdad cuz he was a drunk, i still dont like my stepdad cuz of it, but he did sober up and was a better father to my little brother.. so it was alot better that way
god luck and there is help out there, you might also want to talk to the police and see how they can help if you think he is going to get violent, you do know that just cuz you are not together you can still be friends, just not married, that will let him see that you dont like him drinking at all
2006-09-08 01:42:26 · answer #4 · answered by penguin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please, you need to leave him. There are so many guys out there who are going to be great all the time, not just when they are sober. The only thing worse then being married to an alcoholic for 11 years is being married to him for 12.
My boyfriend is on the brink of alcoholism and he is fighting it off. If he ever gives up I hope I have the strength to leave him. Your question sort of helped me and I will remember it.
I wish you all the best.
2006-09-08 01:39:15 · answer #5 · answered by vampire_kitti 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to give this guy an ultimatum-you, or the alcohol, period! He has the power of CHOICE, and is NOT "POWERLESS" over some damned "disease" called "alcoholism". RIght now, he loves the alcohol more then you-period. So daw your line in the sand, and let HIM make the decision, so you do not have to! If he chooses the alcohol, you have not lost anyone worthy of being married to you in any case.
If you cannot make this ultimatum to him, then you are as sick as he is, and are an enabling, co-dependent! Seek professional help if you need to "build up the confidence" to do what must be done. Good luck!
2006-09-08 10:26:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He stopped for 18 months. How did he stop? Has he been to AA?
If he has, you will need the support of the counsellors to get him to go back.
If he has not yet joined AA, you will have to make a stand and get him to do , and be prepared to leave him if he doesn't.
Alcoholism will ruin his life, yours and your children's too . He has an addiction, so arguably one can forgive him for not being able think and rationalise clearly.
I don't think anyone can forgive you if you allow this situation to carry on. What do you mean , you cannot leave him? Of course, you can, and you will.
If you love him and your kids, you must take the necessary steps to put an end to this misery. But stop kidding yourself, he has never really stopped drinking for the past 18 months. He was hiding it from you perhaps.
2006-09-08 01:48:52 · answer #7 · answered by Cassandra 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi, Here's something to think about. Around 20% of people that abuse alcohol have a mental imbalance. A talk group or a psychologist is not going to help much if this is the case here. It's not as obvious as you might think either. People who suffer from bipolar II, for example, can appear quite normal when not going through periods of cycling. Before leaving, as if that's so damn easy to do, please get him to see a psychiatrist
2006-09-08 12:42:33 · answer #8 · answered by jam4628a 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is no longer sober,...so he is no longer himself. You are living a CHEMICAL. His booze means more to him than YOU. Believe me. Do what is
best for yourself. You are on a sinking ship. Do you want to drown with him ??
Because.....you know from past history with this guy.....what to expect.
Now.....you have to take a stand for U. Do the right thing sweetie, leave him
and don't look back. Youv'e been doing this far to long........give yourself a
break. At least seperate until he stops drinking. But personally, you CAN'T
save him. Remember that.
2006-09-08 01:46:01 · answer #9 · answered by CraZyCaT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep him occupied and keep his mind away from drinking.
I like to drink too. But I am not able to help my mom and wife to take care of our 12 mth old son after I drink - I sleep through all night. Now I do not drink.
Maybe you can tell him that when he is drunk he is not the person you married to. Tell him that you love him and do not want to see him drunk and destroy himself.
And most important pray to God, ask Jesus to be a guide to your family. Invite Jesus into your life and obey His teachings.
God bless
2006-09-08 01:43:42 · answer #10 · answered by BaTu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your best bet is to foeget it happens
or leave
or kill him
or kill your self
wait he could get treated alcohoicizm is a deseas that kills
i dont know maybe he dosent drink so much
maybe he just hurts himself and makes his familey really sad and angry
you should really ask some proffesionals about this people who have had a successfull experiance weither the family stayed or not sometimes the fact of yea i really do suck wow now iam alone works
dosent sound like your through with him you say you still love him cool tell him to visit people who know how to live happy sober lives
2006-09-08 01:40:36 · answer #11 · answered by jrmy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋