7 yo has trouble telling the truth.?

Question

She's very bright and understands the difference between being truthful and lying. It's usually about minor things and we're really getting frustrated! We've tried everything we can think of to get the point across. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Answer 1

Some links regarding children telling little lies

http://childparenting.about.com/od/lyingandstealing/a/youngchildlies.htm

http://www.parenting.org/archive/discovery/life_lessons/2001-02/Jun02_trustworthiness.asp

Hope it helps ...

Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

Answer 2

How does she lie to you? Do you corner her with a semi angry question like " DID YOU DO THIS!!" my dad was famous for this, the child could be scared into lying.
If this is not the case and time outs are not working then I suggest spanking. Lying is no minor offense, it breaches the trust between parent and child, and should not be taken lightly. If she starts lying @age 7 she may never stop if it's not addressed.

Have a talk with her, tell her the next time she lies she will earn a spanking. If she does, take her in a privet area in your home, pull down her pants, put her over your lap and spank her good. (be very calm, no yelling or screaming, the key is to be in control) after words give her some time, then have a talk with her, tell her that you love her and you can't let her behave in this manner anymore, also that you were serious and if she lies again this will be the punishment. Repeat this process every time she steps out of line, this may mean 2, 3, or more spankings in a day to start. she will get the picture. I guarantee that if you follow this, you will see a different child in as little as a month.
I have 4, 7 and 9 year old girls. The older 2 have been in and out of this lying stage quickly.

Remember to keep the lines of communication open. Tell her she can talk to you about anything, even if she has been in trouble she has sort of a get out of jail free card if she comes directly to you about something she's done. Let her talk and don't punish as long as she came to you and is not just coming clean after you already found the misdeed.

Best of luck to you, my ways are a little old fashioned but trust me, they work.

Answer 3

Many kids go through a phase of lying just because they discover that they can. When they find that an adult believes the lie, it gives them some sense of power. The best thing you can do is try your best to discern their lies from the truth. After that, when they lie, let them know that you know. A doubting expression and a remark like "Are you suuure that's what happened?" can often make them back down and tell the truth. Also, sometimes expressing extreme disappointment and sitting them somewhere to think about "how much you hurt me when you lie to me" can affect a child more than any punishment alone. If you can't tell when they're lying or not... well, those are the ones that will probably grow up to be great writers and take care of you in your old age. ;) Kidding aside, if it continues without you being able to put a dent in the behaviour, take her to a childrens' therapist. They might be able to get to the bottom of why she's fabricating stories.

Answer 4

My 6 year old sister has done the same thing and she is very bright as well. Sometimes she'll give a bunch of different stories and one can't tell what's the truth. I'd say if she lies and you can tell she's lying, don't interrogate her until she blurts out the truth. Drop it for awhile, and come back to it later, when you're doing something else with her and just bring up the subject of lying. Tell her it hurts your feelings when she doesn't tell the truth, and maybe role play a situation with her that involves lying and the truth. Children like make believe, and they always learn from it without knowing it. Check out books for her to read that have to do with telling the truth. Also be careful with what she's watching on tv. i thought all the disney shows my sister watched were acceptable, but i've noticed that she's started copying some of the behavior from some of the shows she watches where the kids on the show get away with lying and its portrayed as cool, or funny. oh, and make sure that maybe you don't accidentally let white lies out yourself. or maybe if she asks you to do something and you tell her you'll do it later and you don't etc stuff like that. but overall i'm sure she'll get past this, especially because you are obviously reponsible yourself to have noticed her behavior.

Answer 5

Why don't you make a chart of some sort and put it up on the wall, where she can see it, but cant reach it. Everytime she lies put an X or something to that extent, everytime she tells the truth put an O. At the end of the week, count up all the X's and O's she recieved. Tally it up and if the O's excede the X's give her a prize for each O that excedes the X's (i.e. a toy or something like that). If the X's excede the O's make her do chores.

For example, say she lies ten times over one week, give her ten X's (XXXXXXXXXX), but let's say she tells you the truth twelve times, give her twelve O's (OOOOOOOOOOOO). SInce the O's excede the X's, she should be rewarded for each extra O. So, you should give her two prizes. Vice-versa if she lies more. So, in that case for each extra X make her do another chore. It should gradually make her tell the truth until she only says the truth.

I know it might be a little confusing, but try it and see how it works.

Answer 6

To the person who said "spanking" - you are very wrong. Yes my parents spanked me (I also had the soap in the mouth for bad words) and all it did was make me more careful at lying. The soap thing didn't work long term either - you just learn when to keep your mouth shut. Anyhow, spanking just makes kids feel resentful and angry. It also makes your kids not trust you.

Most kids go through a lying stage. Other suggestions about finding out the cause of lying are important. Perhaps she feels you expect too much of her so she then has to lie to make you feel she's living up to your expectations.

Also, even though she may know the difference between lying and telling the truth - she may not yet realize that you get mad at the fact that she told a lie, when you wouldn't have gotten mad at the truth. In her mind, she did something she felt she would have gotten in trouble for so she lied. Tell her that even though you weren't happy about the original action, it's the lying that has gotten her into trouble.

Good luck ... she'll grow out of it sooner or later.

Answer 7

Usually lieing like this has a cause . Try isolating the cause. Like she's smart perhaps she thinks her way is better and is gonna do it that way but wants to avoid suffering the consequences and you then might say, we have been seven and around a long time whose judgement is likely better ours or yours. Be ready with examples using old things like playing in the street seems good when you were 2. If you are angry the issue is control. If you are annoyed she wants more attention and if you do not give it then later you will find yoursef angry. Get a copy of the STEP manual it has the long answer. at seven spankings will likely make things worse. One problem with the smart and strong willed is that, they have way more time and energy so you can not win by being only confrontive. You have to have a relationship strong enough to make damaging that the more painful choice of action.

Answer 8

No Clue. Sounds like our 7 year olds are very similar. I get very different answers from people. Some people think we should be seriously concerned about this behavior and others say it's normal for a bright and creative child of this age to "tell stories" like this. I know my daughter knows the difference between telling the truth and a lie, but sometimes I feel she is just trying to make things more interesting or get more attention. If it helps my father is a retired elementary school counselor and he tells me not to worry about it yet.

Answer 9

A few days ago I asked a question on how parents feel about using hot sauce as a disciplinary measure. I am not really partial to the idea of using hot sauce but, I did like this suggestion because it was pretty ingenious. It might work for you.


RESPONSE TO MY QUESTION: It depends upon how they are administering the punishment and how much hot sauce they are using...are they using the hottest stuff there is and pouring it down the child's throat? If so, then this is excessive abuse.

I remember a trick my Dad used to use on us kids (there were 4 of us) and I don't know how he did it, but he could always catch us in a lie. His trick was to tell us that if we told a lie, our tongue would burn and he'd know. He'd secretly put a drop of Tabasco sauce on his middle finger, then ask us a question...as soon as we answered the question we had to stick out our tongue and he'd touch it. If we told the truth - it didn't burn, but if we lied...oh man! We just didn't know that when we told the truth, Dad used his index finger and when we lied he used the finger with the Tabasco sauce.

Needless to say, none of us are any the worse for that discipline...not like friends whose parents would beat them for lying or stealing or getting into trouble.

Answer 10

Explain to her honesty is the best policy. Tell her lying will only get her into more trouble and when she does have her do some chores around the house or take something away that she loves. When she is telling the truth tell her how glad it made you that she can tell the truth like a big girl.

Answer 11

You can't fix this until you know WHY she is doing this.

What happens when she tells the truth? Is she afraid to admit to things?

Is she playing a game, let's see if I can get away with it?

Is she too young, despite her intelligence, to truly grasp the implications of this behavior? In other words, is she old enough to really get why it is wrong?

The only thing you can do about this is to catch the lies, and find out right then and there why she didn't tell you the truth. Don't get angry, just express how you feel about being lied to. The more communication you have, the less lying will happen.