New man...New Kids...HELP!!!!!?

Question

I am in a relationship with a man who has 1 8 year old daughter i also have a 8 year old daughter + a 3 year old. our 2 8 year olds fight worse then cats and dogs there isnt 5 mins that go by that they dont fight or argue over somethingi cant even explain just how bad it really is with them.. one of them wants to always tell each other jus how much they really hate each other they both can get very nasty with each other. him and i have done everything we can think of to deal with this and we are running outta ideas... PLEASE HELP

Answer 1

Respect that they don't like each other right now. Don't set up situations where they are forced to be together. Give each girl a place to be when the other is around. Tell them that you understand they don't like each other right now, so for now they should keep separate. Let either of them take their dinner to another room if they need to for now, while things are heated.

Little girls are known for fighting with anyone who isn't one of their closest friends. Your situation probably just makes this worse.

This can probably change later once they either get used to each other or get a little older.

Tell them ahead of time that while you'll respect their not liking each other they are going to have to at least not fight at holiday or birthday dinners around the table.

Tell them you understand if they can't like each other, but in the house you cannot have fighting. Nobody ever gets to be friend by fighting, so explain (if you haven't) to them that you don't expect them to like each other, that they need to stay away from each other as much as possible, but if they want to be at, say, the dinner table there can be no fighting.

If the boyfriend doesn't live with you don't bring the girls around each other. If he does that means both girls is now forced to have to live with a stranger and the stranger's kids.

If you can let the girls stay away from one another for a while it will give them time to cool down and get used to whatever they now have to deal with. Yes, its not ideal; but its better than having fighting and its the only way they may eventually stop fighting as much and maybe get to be civil around each other.

You may have to think about getting the whole group into some family counseling if you've already tried something like what's above and it hasn't worked.

Finally, I don't mean to be judgmental; but if, by any chance, you aren't married to this guy the two little girls are probably angry that they have to deal with your "friend" and his/her kids at all. I assume each child has another parent somewhere and may not be thrilled with whatever arrangement you and the "friend" have.

I know that parents need to be find their own happiness, but when children are little the happiness of the parents sometimes has to take a backseat, especially when things are just so complicated they get to be too much. The little girls (and they are little) may be reacting to something that's just too much to deal with, and they maybe can't take their anger out on either of their parents and won't take it out on the 3-year-old. Having someone to hate so freely may give them the opportunity to express their anger without being disrespectful to parents or bullying to the littler child.

Children like to have their parents to themselves if at all possible. Having outsiders come into the family isn't particularly something children like. It can feel to them as if their parent has put some outsider first and them second, and they don't understand why a parent would ever do that. Both little girls are probably angry about the same thing and neither of them probably knows what they can do about it.

Other than respecting their need to stay apart rather than letting them be together, or else seeing a family counselor, I don't know what else you could do.

Answer 2

The best way to fix the fighting problem is every time they fight make them sit on the couch right next to each other and hold hands. Its the worst punishment ever they will hate it but at the same time you cant stay mad at someone you have to hold hands with. I swear by this method just give it a shot.

Answer 3

Let THEM hash out their differences...the problem is that they are both the same age. There is no older or younger so neither one wants to give up the "older child" status. They will simply have to "fight it out" screaming and yelling etc. Eventually the "pecking order" will be established and peace will reign in the villages once again.

Answer 4

I'm sorry this is happening to them. Just try and explain to themthat you're going to be with this man and you know that they don't have to like each other, but just for the sake of peace and safety at home, they could try and get along. Use guilt if all else fails.

Answer 5

He needs to visit you when his daughter is with her mother so the kids want have to deal with each other, it's not like they're step sisters. Are you and your bf living together?

Answer 6

If you are not willing to stop seeing this man, which would probably be the best solution, then try to only see him when your kids are with their dad. That way no one feels like they are in a competition or a constant argument.

Answer 7

well there at that age where its normal to be that way..plus there 2 girls,its just like having a sister.i know cuz i got into it with mine all the time..maybe if you did more girly stuff with them they can see they have more in common then they think...and instead of fighting they can do things together..girls will be girls....you'll be fine..