Well, does marriage mean, you become a wife and a mom and that's it! Fullstop!?

Question

Your status is defined and underlined. You do your duties and become a good wife and a caring mom by all social standards, but what happens to that little self of yours who once upon a time use to sing freely, write poems, wander...! Ds that self of yours hav no right to come back even in a small way? What if by just talking to someone(opp. sex) you re-live those emotions?
You draw your lines(you know you will never ruin your marriage cz you love your hubby n your kid!) but yea emotionally you feel nice, better.. (You feel better and it reflects on your marriage also)
Is that still cheating the marriage?
Or else keeping everything subdued inside and sulk, let it out in a bad way (which also will reflect on the marriage eventually), is that better, done?

Answer 1

Absolutely not! Before you become a wife, you are a woman and you must not abdicate that dynamic or the cadence of that sense of being. Being a woman is a major aspect of how you are seen. It is the most important. It casts no pre-conceived roles or notions. Some men tend to feel that they must abdicate their sex in order to be a husband. Personal identities go out the window when this happens.

"Does that self of yours have no right to come back even in a small way? What if by just talking to someone(opp. sex) you re-live those emotions?" Those emotions are the staff of life and were the first aspects of your life that defined you as a women. Don't let them go to sleep. The roles you play in a marriage cannot deny you the reality that life is with people. To not see this and step away from it leaves you emotionally spent with an empty feeling that there is more to life than you are getting.

The questions you have raised are a critical component of self-worth and self-identity. You are wise to ask them, but the answers are not easy to discover.

Answer 2

I'm a wife and mom, I run a website development company, I sit on a college board, I ran for political office and served 2 terms as a trustee for the school board, I'm a soccer mom, I'm a freelance writer who's been published in 3 national magazines and a Chicken Soup for the Soul book.

My sweetie of 26 years has his job and golf and he learned to cook when we were married (it was a defensive measure) so he does most of the cooking. He also does 1/2 the housework and he goes out with the guys on Friday nights which is when I go to the movies with the girls.

Our inviolate time together is first thing in the morning when we wake up an hour earlier than we need to (and before the kids get up) and we talk and laugh and tell each other what's up. We also spend every Sunday together as a family. Nothing interferes with those times.

Marriage isn't a prison sentence, it's a partnership with a lot of fringe benefits. There's no reason you can't fit in being who you are meant to be while you're raising kids. As for the line drawing, my husband and I came up with some pretty easy guidelines we each follow. We think of how we'd feel if we saw each other do something and if it would hurt us to see them do it, we don't do it ourselves... it's worked very well for us.

Answer 3

No, that is not what marriage means. The reason your hubby married you in the first place is b/c of that wonderful, poetic, song bird that is still inside you. You do not need to sacrifice who YOU are for marriage. Marriage is about being in a partnership. Each of you build each other up and support one another. It sounds like you need more time for YOU and perhaps you should let your hubby know that. Begin by taking some time for yourself. Write some poetry. Share it with your husband. Sing a song ... I bet your child and him will love to hear you singing. Only you can give up yourself...and perhaps that is what you have done b/c you thought that you had to do that in order to me a wife and a mom. But that is not true. Show your child and your hubby your inner self too ...share that part of yourself with them. They will just love you all the more. Best wishes.

Answer 4

Sucks, doesn't it. But if you forget who you are and what you like and stop to make everyhing aside and give yourself some real time, then your hubby will find that you are not so interesting anymore... so, I guess keep having friends, being nice, having conversations, keep feeling sexy, keep studying, writting, painting, wandering... whatever it takes so the real you isn't lost in so many responsibilities.

So I totally agree with you.

Answer 5

you sound like you mite wish you weren't married except when it's in your favor,as a married woman you become someone's better half , there best friend, the one they turn to in troubling times , as a mother you have been give the greatest gift of giving brith to a child someone that will need you and there daddy to become a good person to carry on in your behalf and being married doesn't mean life ends as you were is to end but to grow as a person,wife,mother and partner to honor each other in love

Answer 6

It's called friendship- if you don't take it any further. Use meeting this person as inspiration to find some of that "pre-married self".

There is nothing wrong having someone stir parts of you that felt "dead", it only shows you are still alive. We all need those moments and people.

Answer 7

its a shame more fellas rather be a schmuck sports average guy than go to a book store a read up on how to become a beautiful gentleman to his lady just like in the movies and tv...chivilry is not dead...its just not taught to these new boys out there...u owe it to yourself to meet more older guys that will make u a better lady.

Answer 8

as long if you talk to oppist sex the it is just friends and talk about old times. but if you start to sleeping and have sex / have feeling with oppiste sex then yes it is cheating.

Answer 9

No being married does not mean that you forget your hobbies and career.Only that be faithful to your partner and respect him always.

Answer 10

I ask myself the same question.