Unattainable love?

Question

Why do some people only seem to fall in love with/develop major crushes on people they shouldn't fall for or people they can never have (i.e. celebrities, married people, people they have never met and never will meet, etc.)? I have never found myself totally falling for someone who is "available" and all this does is leave me lonely and sad. Is it that I am really afraid of committment so I ignore those that are available to me or do I just love a challenge?

By the way I am almost 40

Answer 1

Because, "our reach should exceed our grasp or what's a heaven for?"

You want the dream. Nothing wrong with that , just be aware that you have to be daring to get what you want. First come first served.

Answer 2

It's common for people to yearn for some thing, that they can never have. Usually, the need to do this is fuelled by a desire to full fill a subconscious need. Many will want to "get with" the most popular girl/guy at school; this may be to validate their own status; to be cool by association. On the other hand, some times it may be for the challenge.

There's also another theory I have, as it relates to people we idealize or put on pedestals. It's natural to want to be accepted and praised. When we see a person/people that have what we don't, we are drawn to these kinds of people. Almost if being in their company, allows us to vicariously live through them and experience what they do. It seems logical to me.

It's easy to get caught up in the fantasy of it all. Some times we have a perfect idea of what a realtionship should be. When we are in a real relationship, we tend to compare it to our ideal relationship that we have in our heads. Of course, nothing will ever be quite like any ideal we come up with. So naturally, we become disappointed and will go from person to person, until we find "perfection". Unfortunately, it won't happen. It's an illusion.

Others have said this as well, there's a lot of fear of commitment that may be present. That's not unusual. After all, a relationship is a lot of responsibility and requires a great deal of effort. A successful relationship demands that you surrender your self completely to it. That means sharing your self with another person and allowing your self to be vulnerable; that' s not always easy to do.

Answer 3

I think you should ask yourself the following questions regarding the unavailable people that you have fallen for or had crushes on;
What qualities does this person have that appeal to me?
Is there any pattern to the people that I have fallen for?
What qualities do this person have that do not appeal to me?
What drove me to these people?
If you can pick out the qualities that attracted you in the first place, it could be a starting point for you to start looking for those qualities in 'available' people. You may be subliminally telling yourself that there is something wrong with the 'available' people that you have met, without learning what qualities they have and if they would appeal to you.

It is easier to find something if you know what you are looking for, use the 'unavailable' people as a learning tool to find out what you need. You may be afraid of commitment, but it sounds like you have not had the chance to experience it yet.

Your challenge should be to find the 'available' people that have the qualities that you are looking for by learning more about them.

Try dating more, no commitment there, just experiment.

Answer 4

You sound EXACTLY like me. Seriously, every guy I've fallen for..I'm only 19 btw...has never been available or it could never have worked. I feel like I am just meant to be unhappy. The guy I'm currently head over heels for doesn't speak my language..and I learned he could be married, yet he teases me so with his charm and flirting...which is hard to not find attractive, but I try my best to ignore his charming ways, but it doesn't help when you really care about the person.


It could be that you love a challenge or are afraid of committment..but I don't think that is the case with me, and probably you. I figure it's just my luck and probably the right guy hasn't come along yet. God has a plan for everyone and has the perfect guy for you and all of us, we just have to be patient! :) Good luck and God bless!! :)

Answer 5

I think it is human nature to have crazy crushes on the seemingly perfect celeberities. It could be the thought of a challange or a fantasy that makes some crave the "unnattainable." For me going down that road left me nothing but a broken heart and even questioning my own sanity. When really nobody is above you, so why do we put strangers on a pedestool. We are equals. Here's my favorite song by nine inch nails that helped me through these kinds of feelings...."i just want something i can never have"

Answer 6

You sound like you like to attain the unattainable. I think that makes you a great relationship finder but sounds like you may continually setting yourself up for a fall. Generally speaking you may be a terminal bachlorette or will never be completely satisfied in a permanent relationship. I think we all want the spark of new love but at some point it never is quite what we had the first time we met or during courtship. A continually changing, growing and developing love is hard to find. Maybe you will find it one day....I wish you luck!!

Answer 7

Love is a lasting forever thing. So take your time. and no rush. Boys look at 2 things, prettiness and good personality. You know what pretty is. Good personality is the way u act and speak and how u behave yourself, also how u conduct yourself. They often look for good qualities. This is quite a tough area to improve. In other words, if they like u, means they really like u. If not, then, don't be sad and give up like others do, maybe there's still a chance u can improve. All the best to u.

Answer 8

I'm the same way. Most of the time though, I don't know that they are married, involved or unavailable until after I have started liking them--when I'm about to take it to the next level, I find out they are involved, in some sort of way. Recently though, I have gotten to the point where I dont care if they are involved or married, I can be a friend at least and who knows what the future might hold.

Answer 9

You just like the challenge. My sister has the same problem. She is going on 50 and still going after a challenge. She is so lonely. You really should sit down and make a list of what you really want out of a man and stick to it. Don't let the challenges side-track you.

Answer 10

Maybe a little bit of both..We really can't help how we feel about someone..Don' beat yourself up..I did it once too, but wised up.Basically, some people have been really hurt by someone and they fear that by being with someone they can't have they are protecting themselves from ever getting hurt again.In actuality, they may be missing out on their soul mate because they are putting so much of themselves into the person they can never have a future with.But then again, we never know who's around the corner...