Can you spoil your kids AND teach good values?

Question

I want to give my 2 year old little girl the world! (If I can afford to) But I have many people telling me that I am setting my daughter up for disaster, and that she will become a spoiled rotten brat! I feel that you can have the best of both worlds. My brother and I were spoiled and we are very appreciative adults. We know the value of a dollar and we are thankful for everything in our lives. My parents were NOT rich. But, my mother made sure we had the things we wished for especially at Birthdays and Christmas time. She would go without things for both of us. I feel that I am well on my way of becoming my mom! And I don't see anything wrong with it. We turned out just fine. However, family and friends think you can't have both. If you spoil your kiddos they will never appreciate things and think that if you want something you should get it. I plan on raising my little one with values, morals and appreciation while trying to give her the best. What do you think?

Answer 1

The word "spoiled" shouldn't be used when you're talking about giving your child stuff. You are right. A child can have plenty of stuff and be raised to appreciate that stuff and to have all the values that make for a kind, decent, generous, honest, person who cares about other people.

What I have seen is that the children who are deprived of stuff (I'm not talking about ridiculously extravagant stuff. I'm talking about having plenty of nice things or special things.) tend to be the ones who grow up hanging onto whatever they get, knowing how to weasle stuff out of the hands of other kids, and who are generally selfish. I figure this is because they haven't had the normal amount of stuff, so they haven't seen examples of giving. They are sometimes angry and aggressive as well. I'm not saying this all children who are deprived of stuff because it is possible for parents to raise children with good values even if they can't give them stuff. The thing is, though, that many parents who don't believe in giving stuff think that depriving their children will automatically make them immune to being "spoiled". It just doesn't. What stops a child from being spoiled (the selfish, brat who demands stuff and won't share and doesn't appreciate someone's efforts in buying the stuff) is having parents who know how to instill values and decenty and unselfishness.

That's how to raise a nice child whether or not the child can have stuff.

When my siblings and I were kids we were the ones in the neighborhood with more toys than the other kids. We had a reputation for being "spoiled" because of that (and it wasn't that we had wild amounts of toys; we just had the standard toys and weren't deprived). We were decent, kind, unselfish kids who appreciated every last thing we were ever given; and we grew up to do the same kind of giving back to our parents and to give our children stuff as well. I am proud of my generous, kind, unselfish kids who appreciate what they've had and who know how to take care of their stuff.

When parents are giving they raise children who are giving. When parents are unselfish they raise children who are unselfish. Have you seen the verse, "Children Learn What They Live"?

My kids are old enough (as am I) that I can see for myself how giving children stuff doesn't make them spoiled.

From the time my siblings and I were accused of being spoiled because neighborhood kids' parents didn't want to give them stuff or else couldn't give them stuff and justified it by playing the spoiled card, this issue has always kind of popped up in one place or another all through my life.

You are right. The people who think that giving children stuff will spoil them are ignorant. I know there are exceptions to rules everywhere; but if you were to go to some kindergarten where the children were of deprived situations and observe how much they share and treat each other with kindness, and then do the same thing at a suburban kindergarten where the children have a lot of nice things. If not kindergarten then maybe second grade. See which children tend to have higher rates of getting along well, sharing, watching out for each other, saying "thank you", and generally seeming less selfish. While I'm sure there are some nice children in poorer schools, I suspect you'll see that in general there is a higher percentage of positive traits shown in the children in the wealthier suburban school.

Buy your little girl whatever you want to, share your values with her, and tell anyone who thinks they have a right to an opinion about what you do for your child that you'll see them in 21 years when your daughter is as old as mine is and when she's a wonderful daughter to be proud of.

Yes. You can indulge your child and teach excellent values. You know, there's no way to control what kind of sadness they may run into when they grow up; but if they have a wonderful childhood it can often give them the solid foundation they need to deal with whatever comes later. They're only children once. Why deprive them.

Answer 2

Here is the word that divides giving your child the world and spoiling them: discipline.

Discipline doesn't mean spanking or punishing but teaching your daughter to become a loving, appreciative child who realizes she is not entitled to everything on a silver platter. Discipline means that you show them that responsibility is important. The best way to do this is through example. If you pray with her at night be sure to thank God for the little things. If you are given a gift thank the person and comment on the nice gesture. Take part in community events. Donate toys to charity. They will learn the value of giving as well as receiving.

Also, you can't ever spoil a child by showing them love and affection. In fact, I think this makes a child more rounded than anything else can. Giving her the world can also mean showering her with love and assuring her of her self-worth. :-)

Hope you have fun showering your daughter.

Answer 3

You spoil them by giving them good values-not material things.
Like you my parents were not rich but did spoil me. I have good values but after college my transition into the real world was much much more difficult than it needed to be. They indulged me, didn't push me, and I didn't push myself of course. Everything was easy. And the world is not. So I don't think the real issue here is turning them into a brat (though that is a definite possibility) but the issue is are you preparing your kids for the real world were they don't get everything they want and have to struggle. Now, I don't have kids but something I learned from my parents few mistakes: Make sure they do something extra curricular outside of school, make sure they get a job when they are of age, and push them outside of their comfort zone in order to achieve. Let them struggle a little! That's how you learn!
Sounds cliche but your job is not to be their friend, but a parent. And if they aren't mad at you some of the time (pushing boundaries)then you aren't doing your job right.
Also, another cliche (for a reason) is set a good example. You working hard, and being a kind and moral person is a great example. And remember actions speak louder than words.
OK, I have fit in as many cliches as I can...
Hope this helps.

Answer 4

For one, dont give them everything they want. Make them earn it. Even at their age they can be taught the value of a dollar by doing small things around the house or yard to "earn" the money for things they want that are not a neccesity. Put your foot down and help them go through their toys to give away to children less privalaged than them. Show them that being a giving person is very rewarding in its own right. Take them with you when you donate the old things so they see the other kids that will be getting the toys and clothing and they can see how much it helps. Perhaps get involved in a program for less fortunate kids and let your daughters "help" when you volunteer. Its up to you to make sure they understand the value of things, that everything isnt given to them because they "deserve it" Teaching a child, no matter how much money a parent may have, that everything in life has to be earned, nothing is free, will help them in the future to respect things and take better care of what they have. If they just dont get it, show them for a day or two what its like not to have the nice things they have. Take their toys and nicer cloths and put them up, pretend you dont have the money to do things they want to do or buy what they want. They will figure out that they are privilaged and will respect things more in the future. Good luck and remember, be firm, be steadfast but be loving!

Answer 5

It is completely normal for you to want to give your child everything. When I go to the store I have to avoid the toy isles, I want to give my little girl all the cute dolls and so on. Partly because I wished I had it when I was growing up and so on. But yes you can spoil them too much. Make sure that she understands that the possession are only extras and not required. Some kids seem to think that it is a parent's job to give them things. Sounds like you knew that your mom worked hard to give you guys what she wanted to give you. It wasn't handed to her, therefor it wasn't really handed to you either. I watched my mother wear the same clothes year after year because if she got extra money it went to something we needed. And I do the same for my kids. As long as they understand that money doesn't grow on trees, as long as they are still punished for wrong doings. I don't think that spoiling them will be a problem. There are kids out there that are brats, and they don't have a lot in the way of toys, it's because they parents don' t take the time to punish them and let them run around do what they want and talk how they want. As long as you aren't doing that, then no amount of toys should make too much of a difference. She is only two after all, my daughter is 3. When she asks me if she can have something and i say I don't have money she says that's ok we can go to the bank they have money for you. It's funny really. At this age the don't understand the concept of money. This is what I like to do though. When I go to the store, for groceries, anything my daughter knows not to ask for anything. I won't buy her anything. There are times when I say, ok you've been really good lately I will take you to the store and you can pick something. And there are times when I buy things that I really want to give her, but I hold onto them for when she just does something wonderful or goes to bed when I ask etc. And I tell her that it is because mommy loves her and I'm proud of her. And she has a penny bank, she wants a bike, which is a bit expensive. I could just go out and buy her one. But I am teaching her that it takes time to earn. She puts birthday money in there and any daddy leaves his money in the laundry, lol. She's working her way up. The only thing is I think that working for toys or anythign they want helps them appreciate the items more in the long run. As well as help set them up for the long hall in life. But, we are talking about a 2 yr old here. Just show her you love her, if you buy her toy play with her with it. It is not what you give her, but how you give it to her and what you do beyond that. So don't worry about spoiling her. If you are teaching her morals and appreciation then she will be fine. Forget what other people think, you are her mom, do what makes you and your family happy. You are not doing anything that will harm her.

Answer 6

You were not spoiled you were loved and I see nothing wrong in giving your children the things they want and need as long as you also teach them to think of the less fortunate and those who are not able to have everything in this life as your own do. You can teach them this by donating used toys in good shape and clothes that they out grow to neighbors who can't afford nice things.In every town there are needy children and families there fore if you want to teach your children about the real world may I suggest at Christmas going to a homeless shelter and playing Santa or handing out food to the hungry or doing some Charity work which they can also be a part of. In this way they are also learning to be thankful for all the things you do for them and have done for them. good luck you sound like your on the right path from my point o view

Answer 7

I think if your mother did a great job raising you, then try to do the same. We always got a lot for birthdays and Christmas, but like you, we definitely are responsible with our money and value everything. As long as you don't give in to your kids whenever they want something, you should be fine. It becomes a problem when kids expect things.

Answer 8

I was spoiled with love and attention. If i was a good girl i would get treats, gifts, things like that. I was not a spoiled brat at all. Everyone always commented on my manners, and my attitude. If you let your daughter get away with things and then give her things you are going to hve a spoiled brat. but if you reward her when she does things well, then you can spoil and still have a good girl.

My son is spoiled he gets a lot of things, but he is a good boy, we spoil him with things that are very interactive with us and only when he is doing good things. I teach my son to appreciate everything he has and ets and we do the best we can for him. He knows not to ask for more. he is 6 now.

Answer 9

Well I think that is fine to spoil kids. Spoiling is a bad term, I think. Or at least my definition is different than what the mass majority thinks it is. I think that if you teach your kids the value of money, people, life, and the good things in life, they will have an appreciation for the things that they receive or are provided with (a house with a roof, a table with food). I think that they will grow up with a great appreciation for how lucky they are, and understand that a lot of what they have is a PRIVILEGE. I think you know what you are doing, and I think your kids will turn out just as appreciative as you and I.

Answer 10

Sounds like your trying to raise your kids like your mother raised you. Which is a good thing. I dont think there is anything wrong with giving your kids things they want, thats a sign of love,thats not really spoiling them. However if your buying them new toys everyday well thats going a bit overboard. Values are intangible and taught without you even realising it. They will learn your values regardless of what you buy them.

So the question is what "good values " have you got. Do you respect others ? Are you kind and generous? Do you help others in need? There are lots of other things I could name but if you are doing these things yourself I'm sure your children will follow.