SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
2006-09-07 16:30:36 · 22 answers · asked by basscatcher 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
ROFL...these are the best set of jokes that I have read in a long time. I laughed out loud with every one of them. I take no offense, even though I am latin, of seeing Juan on Juan.......every single joke, a winner........awesome....totally awesome.
2006-09-07 16:33:06 · answer #1 · answered by daddydoggie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....
these two are my favorites
2006-09-07 17:20:33 · answer #2 · answered by Coxie Megan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very good now enjoy this . A man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him.
He told the beggar, “I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you.” “I would have bought a cup of tea”, replied the beggar. The man said, “Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea”. He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar. The beggar told, “I don’t smoke as it is injurious to health.”
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, “Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good”. The beggar refused by saying, “Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver”. The man smiled again.
He told the beggar, “I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone”. As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, “Sorry sir, I can’t come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit.”
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar’s face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, “Why do you want me to go to your house with you”. The man replied, “My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like.”
2006-09-07 16:49:11 · answer #3 · answered by ravi_khanna234 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
LOL i love them!! thx i need a laugh now more than ever! i remember reading this b4 but i forgot all of it. i love this one...
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....
im gonna be using that alot lol =]]
2006-09-07 16:42:20 · answer #4 · answered by .oh snap.london bridge.oh snap. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i like it
heres ones i wanted to add
whats the difference between a blonde and the titanic?
u know how many people went down on the titanic
whats a blonde and the bermuta triangle have incommen?
they both swallow alot of sea men
whats a brunette inbetween two blondes?
a translater
whats the differerence between fairyfloss and a leppers dick?
nothing they both melt in the mouth
why dont black people like country music?
coz everytime they hear "ho down" they think someone shot their sister.
Plz dont take these personaly or racially. ur right we do need a laugh.
2006-09-07 16:52:44 · answer #5 · answered by chlo_bo69 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not really offensive but extremely funny! Loved the one about the bunnies!
2006-09-08 02:28:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really liked the one " sum ting wong " lmao
2006-09-07 16:37:08 · answer #7 · answered by ddelatoba 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love the one about the Southern Zoo.Apparently whoever wrote that one has been to Louisiana. :)
2006-09-07 16:38:00 · answer #8 · answered by twiztidsdad 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Thank you! My husband is going to get a kick out of these.
2006-09-07 16:39:16 · answer #9 · answered by URwhatUread 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Brunnette and Blonde
A Brunette says to a Blonde...
"Looks there is a dead bird"..
The Blonde look up in the sky and says...
"Where, where...!!!"
2006-09-07 16:41:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋