How would you cope with a situation like this..when she shows favoritism towards her children and son/daughter inlaw clearly.. even to her grandchild!
She will treat us differently right infront of everybody including the guest. She will praise and favor the favourite and humiliate and disgrace the unfavorable child and inlaws...
She will cooks and serve and buys gift for her fav and nvr do the same for the one she don favor.. Sometimes we wonder where we do wrong in her eyes..
2006-09-07 16:18:01 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, I guess it must be tough to have a mother in law like that. I guess I am blessed with a good mother in law who treats me like her own children... so I guess I will never be able to REALLY understand how you feel..
But, I would like to share a story that my mum told me before I got married.
There was once a daugther in law who hated her mother in law. They were a match made in hell.. the mother in law and daugther in law never saw eye to eye and were always quarelling.
The mother in law was always nitpicking on the daughter in law and always trying to disgrace her.
One day, the daughter in law thought to herself, "This is the last straw.. she has been nitpicking on me, trying to create problems for me and hubby and even turning my children against me. How can such an evil person exist?! Just what did I do wrong to deserve all this treatment?! I think our family is better off without her.."
So she went to a trusted doctor of her own family and told him her story. "Please give me some slow-acting poison I can use to kill my mother in law without other people knowing.."
The doctor gave her a few packages and told her, "In here are some poisons that you can cook together with some chicken soup. Cook it for her everyday and tell her you are making tonic for her.. in a year's time, she will die and no one would ever be wiser to the fact that you are the cause.."
Very happy with that, she went home and immediately started to make the soup for her mother in law. She told her what the doctor asked her to say and initially, the mother in law was skeptical.. but she drank the soup somewhat uneasily...
After a month of drinking soup made by her daughter in law without fail.. the mother in law thought to herself.." My daughter in law is really not bad leh.. she makes tonic soup for me everyday without fail.. now that I see her, I think she is looking prettier and seems to be such a nicer person than when I just knew hear..
After 2 months of drinking soup, the mother in law started praising the daughter in law in front of other people and the daughter in law is secretly happy with that and so she is motivated to treat her mother in law nicer as mother in law treats her very well now..
After 6 months of drinking soup, the mother in law has started to treat daughter in law like her own daughter and the daughter in law has started to care for mother in law like her own mother..
"Oh dear, what have I done??" Asked daughter in law... she started to replace the poison with tonics and with tears in her eyes, she begged the doctor to give her something that can undo the harm of the poison.. "I don't want her to die! I love her like my mother now!" she told the doctor.
Alas, the doctor smiled at her and said, ""Don't worry, she is not going to die. What I have given you were just tonics.. they are not poison.."
You see, the moral of the story is that no human's heart is made of stone. If we persisted in treating someone well despite how they treat us, they will eventually see us differently and treat us differently.
We cannot control how other people think or react to us.. but we can control how we think and react to them..
Good luck! :)
2006-09-07 17:07:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, sounds like somebody wasn't a "momma's boy"? I'm not sure what your husband did to this woman at some point in his life, but she sure is holding one hell of a grudge. It may also be for another reason too. Moms, when raising children, know them inside and out. Often times, a mother will over nuture the weaker child. Which means if you and your husband are successful, she'll dote on her other child, thinking he/she needs it more. Same goes with the grandchildren. If you are well off and the other part of the family is struggling, she's going to help them out more than she would you because she knows that you don't need it.
In either case, rather than having to suffer through her insensitivity, call her on it. Ask her why she does it. She may not even realize she's been doing it to the point where it is hurting feelings.
2006-09-07 23:44:36 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send her alot of thinking about you cards and gifts once in a while maybe she will open her heart realizing that she is wrong...Or tell her in front of everyone that if she is going to treat you and your kids that way that you will no longer allow you children and yourself be subjected to her emotional abuse! See how she likes that something has to make her realize she is doing this and if nothing is said she's not going to see it..But in the same respect you don't want to go about it the same way she is give her a reason to wonder...
2006-09-07 23:53:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also wonder what went wrong! But here's some work to do:
1) Do your best to be the best husband or wife
2) To be a good family provider/good wife
3) Love your children
4) Create interesting activities that binds the family tightly
(Bear in mind, the are the ones to show you love, respect, value that the mother in law deprived to give it to you).
Also, there is a saying, 'you cannot please everyone'. I know it hurts but she is not everything to you. And rememebr, what you sow you sow. In due season, she will be experiencing 'fruit' of favoritism
2006-09-07 23:32:37 · answer #4 · answered by emator 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Old people tends to be this way. You have become the ET in the family, that's why she is not feeling easy with an alien. She thinks you are trying to take away her son/daughter. Just try talking more with her will do. Old people love to hear you talk, rubbish also can, but not arguing.
2006-09-08 00:29:22 · answer #5 · answered by ronald qq 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, and get this: she's never going to change!
You start acting like you don't care, and suddenly, she will wonder why you're not triyng to kiss her feet. She will start trying to talk to you and ask your opinion.
With these types of mothers-in-law, you just have to play a better game. Trust me. My M-I-L started out by saying my husband never should have married me. Five years later, she has dinner ready for me when I come pick up our kids after work. It's all about playing the game.
2006-09-07 23:24:44 · answer #6 · answered by Untitled 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people are just rude like that adn some dont relize they are doing it. My mother in law use to do that and I just stopped going over for along time. when we finally had a chat about it she said she was sorry and didnt relize she was doing it. it was just something she had done forever and didnt really have a clue as to what our family had been doing.We get along great now but it took a heart to heart( butting heads) so to speak to get things on the right track.now she calls me more then the others.
2006-09-07 23:23:49 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat19582002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if she was sent from hell then mark her return to sender and ship her back. Seriously though have you or your mate tried asking her why the difference exists? Try communicating your feelings with her and hopefully she can be honest and say why she treats your family the way she does. Best of luck to you and please don't ever be a mother in law like the one you have, learn from this experience.
2006-09-07 23:21:41 · answer #8 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a start, pray for her and then talk to her and make her realise that she actions is causing unhappiness among some family members. Maybe she is not even aware of her own emotion, feeling and actions. Usually we do not know our own mistakes.
If this fails, try not to loose self control and pray for her.
You never know the power of prayer until you try.
2006-09-08 00:03:24 · answer #9 · answered by BaTu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you'll never win her over if you don't talk to her. tell her what you see and see if she has the answers. if not AND if she doesn't change there's no law that says you have to be around her. my 1st mother in law was also from hell. the only time she liked me [and we were divorced bythen] was when she was on her death bed. hope it doesn't come to that. best of luck with the talk if you decide to have one. i'll pray for you.
2006-09-07 23:26:49 · answer #10 · answered by lynnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother in law is the same way a total *****!!!!!!!! I just dont go around her and if i have to see her i ignore any smart nast rude comments or the things she does. All I do is smile and be really nice and you can tell it agravates her.
2006-09-07 23:28:25 · answer #11 · answered by mindy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋