My once sweet,loving son has been such a nightmare lately-his room and area of basement to play in are constantly a mess; he is destructive with his toys; he has to be told over and over to do chores he's been doing for 2 or 3 years. We've tried taking away toys,privleges and outings. We've begged, bribed, threatened, even spanked (only once). Nothing works. He lies, exaggerates and tells such tales I don't know when to believe him.
He's had a tough year; my MIL died a few weeks ago but he wasn't really close to her; his best friend's Mom has cancer and we're 6 hours away from them. My health has declined quite a bit (I'm disabled due to lupus). His father changed jobs and seems to no longer enjoy doing things as a family or even with our son. I've tried to keep up a good front for my son's sake but he's a very intuitve and intelligent child. We're at the end of our rope and are considering taking him in to his pediatrician.
2006-09-07 16:17:39 · 25 answers · asked by Sandra MRN 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
All 7-8 yr olds DO have trouble listening - you're not alone. Get down to their level, as in "eye to eye" and when they are misbehaving OR trying to toss the toy clear across the room talk to them. Slowly.(quietly and calmly) Step into their world. Just think at that age, only a few short years ago the only thing they really had to do was SCREECH for stuff.(you remember the gimme gimme gimme age) Make them use their words and describe what their anger is about.
Kids are very deep, but very "Disney" and have a hard time understanding WHY you magically take away their favorite toy JUST because they hit their brother.
Also, repeat to them, that you can't "resolve" until they use their words to tell you what's wrong. Again, kneeling if you must, sitting with them.....by stepping into their world you are less of a threat.(the bad guy that makes them go to bed)
Lastly, if you say it - STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!! So make punishments reasonable and noticable(as in happening immediately) It's hard for a 7 yr old to understand "if you do_____you will not get ______next week" Live in the now.
And hug, always let them know you love them....you may not like the action, but you love the little person.
Too many family medicate too soon(if that's what your thinking). Too many time kids are told to "sit down and Shush up" and then when they hit highschool they are BEGGED for their opinion. Let them speak, but teach them to do it in an acceptable manner.
You will do just fine......my own tazmanian devil has turned out to be a strong willed, but heartfelt young man!
2006-09-07 16:30:14 · answer #1 · answered by Barbara 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So his room is a mess...shut the door. Obviously the toys/privileges you've taken away have been returned to him. Why? He should only get them back when he shows good behavior...to begin with he should never have gotten them in the first place. Television, computer time, video games, electronic games should be EARNED rather than just handed over. Then when the child behaves they earn certain privileges...I would allow my daughter one hour of television time on week nights. On weekends no more than 6 hours. She wasn't allowed to have a television or computer in her bedroom, consequently we didn't have half the "hassles" many parents did/do because she didn't have the things to begin with. Now that she is 20 years of age she has purchased her own television for her bedroom as well as her own computer...And what are you going to take him to the pediatrician for? So that the doctor can tell you the same thing? Oh yeah and the spanking thing...not a good idea, that just sends the singal to the kid that it's ok to hit when you're angry.
2006-09-07 22:24:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is key here. Sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Ask him how he feels and why he's acting out lately. Maybe he's having a hard time dealing with something therefore can't handle anything else like chores or his mother screaming out orders. Listen to what he says address his issues, then tell him how you feel in a gentle way. That it makes you sad when he doesn't listen to you or that when he doesn't do his chores, it upsets the whole household and makes things harder on you. Make him feel like he's part of a team there at home. Everything he does counts and how he feels matters. He should be able to come to you when he's having a hard time dealing make him feel that your door is always open when he needs you and that you really care how he feels and can help. If he feels good about your realtionship, you won't have these problems anymore, he will just come to you before they become a problem. Good luck and God Bless you!
2006-09-08 06:01:33 · answer #3 · answered by lilmama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello....well i have a son who just turned 9 on the 27 of aug...and i can tell you its been hard since 2003..i had some of the same problems you said...i know he's been through alot so i can say his actions have alot to do with it...in 2003 my father passed away and that was my sons life..he was the closest he had to a father...and my sons the one who found him before i did...its been hard for him until this day but i can say it wasnt easy...it was more like he was doing anything to get attention or to be noticed.fighting in schoo,not listening,talking back..i mean that wasnt my baby..hes a good boy who loves to help me cook,clean,wash...the whole 9...but i can say last year there was a 360..it could have been because i changed my hours at work where i was home with him more.doing little things together.ive seen the change..i know you say you cant do much..but just try and have some son & mommy time...watch movies together,snuggle....just try it and see if you see the change...you know boys are always called mamas boys....i wish you the best of luck....
2006-09-07 18:56:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sandra I also have a 7 yr. old and if your son is abnormal than so is mine, and about a million other 7 yr old boys. Trust me I know he is VERY trying but it is just a stage. If my son wasn't lying and being mouthy I'm not sure I'd know he was in the house. But a side bar I have a 14 yr. old son that the 7 yr.old likes to imitate, that being said I do have a few years experience and know "this too shall pass". He's fine. Maybe try taking a break from him for a couple hours that seems to help me, go visit or go for a walk but do it by YOURSELF.
2006-09-07 16:28:08 · answer #5 · answered by brooklynsss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me it happens all the time and they grow out of it! I would say around the age of 20 that when all that ends! I have 3 brothers all younger than me! It's almosst like they go down with their age. I still have to tell my 18 brother to clean his clothes, keep your room clean, take the garbage out, wash your dishes out, etc. but the younger ones do more than he does! It depends on the kid also! So he might grow out of it soon. the worse thing you can do is let him get away with it all! But then again he's only 7 or 8 so keep staying on him! Talk to his doctor tell him whats going on! He could be acting out due to somethings he might be picking upfrom the house and outside. Just take some time out for him and do things with him!
2006-09-07 16:36:11 · answer #6 · answered by crystal8345 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 7 yr old girl and she is the same way. I think it is an attention thing for her. I don't spend the time with her that I should. Everyday she comes home and wants to go outside and play with friends but she doesn't want to listen. I started grounding her since she doesn't listen to a word i say. Then she has to stay home with me. I have started doing stuff with her since she is staying home and i have seen a difference. Your son is probably yearning for the attention from you and your husband. My husband does not do much with my daughter either since he is tired when he comes home. When he does do stuff with her then she is so happy. I don't think your son is abnormal.
All kids go through it. Good luck
2006-09-08 02:09:39 · answer #7 · answered by kyndrasmom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes they all have problems listening and following rules. They are also very smart. He is probably sensing that something is not right in the house. You and your husband are both acting differently and he can sense it. He may be just trying to get you attention. Get some outside help, as he may not be able to express to you why he is acting out.
2006-09-07 16:34:13 · answer #8 · answered by zachandsierrasmom25 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be a normal child going through normal emotional changes....or he may be having problems dealing with the family issues....or he may have ADHD.
The only real way to find out is to talk to his pediatrician.
Good luck.
2006-09-07 16:21:48 · answer #9 · answered by littleflower_57 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son is perfectly normal, he can hear everything your telling him, he is just testing you that's what they do. I know I have three children at home, and my thirteen year old still tries to ignore what she is being told, but at the end of the day she does what I had asked her to do.
2006-09-07 18:42:23 · answer #10 · answered by browneyes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋