Was it love? Is it verbal abuse?

Question

I broke up with a guy, finally after a while...a long while. We had alot of issues. I told him it was over and that I had had it. He went from angry to sad to crying and pleading his love, and back to angry to the point that he called me vulgar names (if I can give examples: a cold heartd b___tch, or fckng cnt or whre, ignorant, selfish, cowardly, etc....). What I guess I am asking is, can this guy have really loved me or be in love with me to the point of swearing his mouth off at me, or is this verbal abuse or anger because he isn't getting his way? It's all mixed up for me, but I also recall thinking that how could I be with a guy who said those nasty things about me? Even though his excuse was that he was so hurt that I was breaking up with him and that's the reason he called me that stuff. This wasn't the first time either, since in every major fight we had, he did the same thing if I had broken it off or avoided him because he had blew me off or done something offensive

Answer 1

THIS GUY HAS A LOT OF PROBLEMS AND YOU DON'T NEED TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THEM. PLEASE DON'T WRITE, PHONE OR EMAIL HIM. THERE IS LIFE WITH OUT HIM. YOU'LL FIND OTHER FRIENDS. ALSO TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT HIM. IF HE BROTHERS YOU CALL 911, RIGHT THEN. YOU DON'T NEED THIS.

Answer 2

It is verbal abuse that will eventually turn to physical abuse. It is definately not love and you best run the other way. I have crossed the country getting away from this sort of person. Life is to short to be treated in such a disrespectful and vulgar way. A person that loves you will treat you with respect and sit down and discuss things with you in an adult manner. Check out Dr. Phil's show as he speaks about this sort of behavior all the time. Treat others as you want to be treated and accept nothing less for yourself. Take my word for it been there done that more than once.

Answer 3

i was in the same situttion that us verbal abuse mine use to call me lazy u are an bad mother stupid he made me feel like i am nobody and it hurted me bad and sometimes i feel like i am nonthang because of him he dont love u he is trying to break u down into his level that another way to control you also he have major problem he need to get straight out but u did right thing because he is abusing you and keep on doing it if u had stay also he would have turn that into physical which i have been physcial where mine got pissed off and choke me all because he didnt want me to leave an room now do u really want to go throught that no i am very glad that u left him it was the right thing to do.

Answer 4

OMG.....just got out of a relationship similar to that. He would do the same things when he got mad and I would always believe him when he said "i didn't mean it". It is totally verbal abuse and to be honest it just gets worse from there. My ex turned very physical after awhile, to the point where I was scared to tell him it was over. I should have ended it the first time he spoke to me in that manner......You can't love someone and treat them that way.

Answer 5

this is emotional abuse and it can't be tolerated so congratulations for taking a stand and making the extremely difficult decision to leave him. he has some serious problems and needs to go into professional counselling. this is the only way he is ever going to ever get any better especially considering the majority of guys think that psychical abuse is the only form of abuse. you did the right thing in leaving him and none of this was your fault. he may have loved you but you can't be with him until he deals with these issues. usually they actually have nothing whatsoever to do with their partners but they blame them because they can't handle the truth. by calling you names he was disrespecting you and this is not love. good luck in the future and remember that not all guys are like this.

Answer 6

I think this falls under the abuse category. Stay away from him, and DONT let ANYONE talk to you like that again. No one deserves to hear those things. I cant tell you if he actually loved you, but it doesnt sound like he did. Maybe he has some issues to work out for himself, but you should not have to fix them or deal with them in the mean time. There are better people out there. Believe me you are better off without him.

Answer 7

You can't rationalize the actions of an irrational person.
Call it whatever you want, love, or not love, because whatever you call it, it was a verbally abusive relationship. You may need some counseling to just make sure you don't keep falling for guys who will try and hurt your self esteem.

Answer 8

It's verbal abuse...been there, done that. When you try to leave, they cry and beg...then cuss you because they can't control you. And you'll hear about how terrible you are the next time he gets mad at you...you'll hear all the rotten things you've done to him, but don't you dare bring up anything he's done to you...that's the past and not worth bringing up....yeah, I know all about that. After a few more years, the physical abuse starts....if it hasn't already. I'm sorry you went through all of this, but at least you managed to get away. Don't let his past offenses control your present life. Move on and forget about him...you'll do better next time.

Answer 9

hun no matter how much they tell u they love u, love does not hurt. if they physically, mentally, verbally abuse u its not love they r feeling. does it really matter what they r feeling if they do not know how 2 treat someone than that is all that matters.

do urself a favor n pick urself up n do stuff 2 boost ur self esteem. u r worth more than a creap who abuses u in any way. do not stand for it because if u stand 4 it once it will get worse each time.

good luck n please get out of the situation before it becomes dangerous.

Answer 10

Always trust your instincts....... if you think its is abuse then it is abuse. But it sounds to me this guys a big jerk, SO WHAT if he is angry with you, that no way to talk to you. There are other words to express anger than to put you down like that. If it were me, i would go out with someone who had more respect for me.

Answer 11

Walk away-you deserve better. There is no reason that you have to put up with that kind of emotional & verbal abuse from anyone.