How do I learn to like myself/ what do you like about yourself?

Question

I have been seeing a therapist as part of my recovery from depression. In one of our recent sessions, she said that I will never recover until I learn to like myself. That I have a lot of self directed anger, and that I will never be happy in the future if I cannot be happy with who I am now. I have found this to be very hard as I have hated myself for well over a decade. How do I come to terms with who I am and accept that? What are some things that you like about yourself? How do you accept that you may never do "great things"?

Answer 1

You should remember that not everyone is perfect. Get your body into good shape and get more into life rather than worrying about yourself all the time. Do some stuff or set goals for yourself. Avoiding thinking about yourself is a good first step. After a while, start to list all the things you are good at. A good way to like something about yourself is when people comment about that something, especially if it's someone you respect. You will hopefully see that hating yourself is only wasting time. I don't think depression is about hating yourself, but if nothing works, try to do some risk taking. Risks have definitely helped me from depression.

Answer 2

For me, there are two things that stick out in your paragraph about liking yourself - the first is:
"she said that I will never recover until I learn to like myself".
Wow, your therapist just put a ton of pressure on you (on top of what you already have)! You're probably thinking, well, duh! Of course I won't be happy until I learn to like myself, why else do think I'm here talking to you? There is a book that saved my brain - it's called "Undoing Depression" by Richard O'Connor. It's so cool - the doctor who wrote the book actually went though depression so he actually knows what he's talking about!
Oh and the 2nd thing - "how do you accept that you may never do great things?" I understand that, cause we have all this pressure nowadays that says "you have all this opportunity - don't you dare waste that potential or you are a lazy and bad person!" So what I did was, I re-evaluated what I thought was a great thing. Now, calling my grandma and cooking her lunch is a "great thing" in my book. Yeah, it's not gonna be on TV, but it sure did matter to my grandma, and it made her happy for an hour or two.
I sure hope I helped a little - but I so wish you well with your battle - just know it takes a while to undo - be very patient with yourself - you at the very least deserve that, especially after the beatings I'm sure your brain has put you through every day for the past 10 years. I say a prayer for you to the universe/God tonight!

Answer 3

Me, I know that I can NEVER Change another -- that CHANGE can ONLY come from within -- and that means ONLY I Can help myself to be happy and not depressed.

Saying that -- I decided to go on with my life -- to continue working, to pick up the pieces no matter what happens, and to live my life in an HONEST and Respectful manner.

I can NOT change the fact that I have the 'Ex from Hell' (he abused me/children, damaged/destroyed my property, stole money from my accounts, robbed my residence (more than once -- and just recently too), violently reacts to any impetus and is filthy) and that he TAUGHT carefully the now adult children HOW TO ROB and Assault me (their mother)

-- all this over a time frame in EXCESS of TWO DECADES in length -- so ...

What the GREAT THING I did ... was SURVIVE and KEEP GOING and THRIVE and NEVER LOOK BACK -- except to continue to file police reports, request Protective Orders (and judges do NOT understand or want to give Protective Orders even when you HAVE just filed the Burglary Complaint, have the bruises on your body, and wounds that will NOT heal), file Trespass Warrants -- OVER and OVER Again ...

I can NOT hate myself for this -- and yes, I do have PTSD that is quite severe -- but given my experiences, this is understandable. I have come to terms with the LACK of help from the Legal Community AND Law Enforcement as well. I have come to recognize that Society does NOT care one wit about Survivors of Domestic Violence -- and NOTHING will be done to PREVENT Domestic Violence. I have pointed out the EVIDENCE each and every time, SCHOOLED the officers on gathering the evidence (some even deliberately DESTROYED some evidence as I was writing out the report!), treating the SURVIVOR as 'insane', nuts, crazy.

I HAVE my Dignity, my Self-Respect, and my ability to carry on DESPITE all this in my life.

Answer 4

I could write you a book on this topic! I really learned to like myself! I went to a counselor a very long time ago and have come a lomnng way through the years. I live along but I do like being with myself. I found out who I am and set my personal boundaries in every aspect of my life. I am able to tell people "no" if they intrude on me. I open myself up to the worl around me and know that I only have to answer to me. I am cofortable with the decisions I make in my life and I don't care what other people think. I have friends from when I grew up and just love them to death. I know what and who is important in my life. I try to make decisions based on intelligence rather than emotion. My life is a pie......it is cut into pieces that include my kids, my friends, my job, my home, my community, my faith...things like that. Leading a balanced life. It is standing "naked" in front of the mirror and taking a good look at yourself and fixing what you think needs fixing. One of the things my counselor told me was to "think small"........make little goals and accomplishments.....baby steps. I entertain myself, go on trips (went to Key West by myself Labor Day weekend), I talk to people who I will never see again, I enjoy the outdoors and nature and visit with my kids and grandbabies. I was also a hospice nurse and learned a lot about life from dealing with death and dying every day. No matter how bad you think your life is, there is someone always worse off than you!

Answer 5

Anger comes from not accepting the negative, what in your life aren't you accepting?

Ambition is a great source of trouble.

Answer 6

You make a choice to love yourself, no one can do it for you. Sure it may be hard, but harsh as it sounds, life IS hard.

Answer 7

Just know you are a child of God and stop paying that quack money.

Answer 8

what is it that you do not like about yourself? you do good things.if you want to talk more email or im me. Good Luck.

Answer 9

boy your therapist sucks.