I have a honest question for the men...Ok..Say you are set up by on a date with someone you don't know,?

Question

and don't know what they look like, except the general, hair and eye color. The two of you have been talking for a few weeks and you both admit that you really enjoy your conversations and seam to get along great. ...What if when you two meet, the physical appearance is not what you were hoping for, or at the very least expecting? Would that change your opnion of that girl? If so. why??? Is she not the same person you felt , that you got along great with on the telephone? Why is her apperance so important? I can see if she was unclean or dressed sleazy, but say she was heavier than she admitted to be, only because she had been hurt before , for this very same reason...

I want honesty here men, Don't sugar coat anything.

And she did say she was heavy, but not "shamu the whale" size, So, shes, fat...perhaps she should have just said that and been done with it.

Answer 1

I'm not a man, but I wanted to answer anyway.

I had a friend in high school who this very same thing happened to. She was talking to a guy on the phone, and described herself as a 5'4" blonde with blue eyes... she didn't mention that she weighed over 200 lbs.

When she finally met the guy, he was a jerk. I think that if she had told him the truth about her appearance she wouldn't have been hurt so bad by his hateful comments. He was aweful to her. He wasn't worth her time, but she had invested all this time into the telephone conversations with him and already had feelings for him.

Take my advise and tell this guy the truth about how you look. Tell him why you lied about it. Explain to him that you are scared to meet him and tell him why. If he blows you off then you know he is a jerk. If he still wants to meet you, he's a keeper.

BTW, no matter what happens with this guy don't give up hope. There are men out there who like every type of women and there will be one that you are attracted to as well.

Good luck :-)

Answer 2

Dating means more then friendship, and part of that 'extra' is being - at least in some ways - attracted to the other person. You don't need to think they are the hottest thing on earth, but if you're not attracted to your mate at all, you've got trouble.

>say she was heavier than she admitted to be, only because she had been hurt before , for this very same reason...

Bad idea, I think. The person who is hiding the truth is probably hoping that the relationship can move to a point where it won't matter any more. It rarely works that way. The person should be honest about their appearance. If that means the phone calls end, it was a dead end anyway. There are guys out there who like every weight of girl, she just needs to find them.

It might also help to know that in some survey I read, women indicated that looks mattered a lot in the short term but less in the long term. Men were in some ways the reverse - they'd sleep with an 'ugly' girl once, but wouldn't commit to be with her exclusively. On the other hand, they'd marry a supermodel they've never spoken to tomorrow. No fear of commitment there.

Answer 3

Here is the deal, there is a physical appearance component to any romantic relationship. Romantic relationships are different from platonic relationships in part because of that aspect of attraction. If you enjoy a person's company they usually end up being your friend. If you enjoy their company and they are attractive to you then there may be romance too. The lack of honesty in misrepresenting her appearance would be a total turn-off for me because if a person will be dishonest in one thing how would you ever be able to trust them in another. Its a terrible way to begin any relationship. If these people ever thought that they would meet, it would be foolish to mis represent something so obvious as appearance. Now if the issue is a few pounds, that can be dealt with fairly easily. Low carb diets combined with moderate exercise are extremely quick and effective. I have seen people completely change their appearance dramatically by taking off a few pounds.

Good thing this is hypothetical, cause it would be a shame if it actually happened.

Good luck :)

Answer 4

I'm going to try to answer what I think you asked. When you meet, there is a thing called a physical attraction. You have found a definite friend due to the fact you have conversed and have gotten to know each other somewhat in conversation. If you meet, and the physical attraction isn't there, then be friends and go from there. You can fall in love with the personality but hate the appearance. That ends up as a friendship.

Answer 5

If I talked to a girl for a few weeks and we really seemed to converse easily and understand each other, that would definitely earn major points. And I'd probably want to keep her as a freind regardless. Physical wise, I'm not all that picky, and personality and chemistry can compensate.

But if I'm going to pursue something sexual or romantic with a girl, she has to be somewhat attractive to me. There's really no getting around it. Doesn't have to be a bombshell, but I need to be able to feel just a little bit of carnal lust. If she blatantly lied about her appearance, that would make me think that she has low self-esteem or is just a liar in general, either of which would lower my opinion of her.

Answer 6

I have a not straightforward time believing you're something yet a freak ..in view that each thing you suggested contradicts the others, ...... yet basically on the uncommon risk that you're a mom, stay the hell out of your daughters existence.. she is 20, no longer your job to get her laid because you determined.. 2d, enable her make certain how she Persis existence.. help in helping her bypass about what SHE needs, yet back off of something else. ok freak, mom or although you're.. i'm fantastically particular you had an chance to detect your sexuality on your own words... lesbian or no longer.... to respond to your question, no you dint submit images of your new child in any way that suggests her sexuality or makes her at threat of freaks...fantastically sparkling sufficient for you?

Answer 7

Firstly the conversation must have lead to an idea about how each other looks like.
If the girl was honest the man has a certain clear image how the woman looks like.

Men have different tastes and fantasies in women.
Some like slim/fat/blonde/eyes/feet/etc...

So there is a certain limit to tolarate in the look of the woman as he wanted her to be.
As long as she is somewhere in this limit it should be all good.

But trust me. How big the understanding is, there should be attraction between themselves to lead a good relationship.

Answer 8

Oh, I'm a girl but have been through this before. You have all the right to change your opinion. I believe, two people that belong together have great conversations as well as being attracted to one another.

Look at it this way. I have guy friends that I have wonderful conversations with but have no intention of "sleeping" with them.

It's the whole "package" honey that makes a relationship work. If you're not attracted to her that's ok, you can still be her friend.

Answer 9

Well perhaps the date came too soon. Attraction is not all about appearance unless you make it that way. It takes a shallow person to push away from another person on the basis of looks if they are attracted to them in every other way.... Obviously if they do...then an honest relationship is something they really don't want and it leans more toward a sexual one...

Answer 10

I know you asked for men to answer this one, but I believe I can answer this better than them... only because I have been there before. You see, men are a breed all their own. You can get along with them on the phone, then meet them and they can be cocky and obnoxious. Or it CAN go the other way. They can be shy and unnerved. (They can talk fine on the phone, but then they cannot talk in person... if this happens, do what I do... call on his cell phone, while sitting across the table, this makes a great point...) Anyhow, you are worried about your own appearance, and there are a few of things that I can say to this. 1)Next time you have a blind date, remember how this moment feels and make it a point to tell EXACTLY how you look, even if you are afraid they wont like you anymore... why not be honest, and if they don't like what they hear, than you DID NOT need someone like this anyhow... if someone doesn't like you for who you are, and not what you look like, how worthy of you are they really? 2) If he has internet access, go online and give a pic of you and recieve one of them as well. This keeps everyone from having to do the uncomfortable act of having to describe oneself... 3) Don't get your hopes up EVER for a blind date to go like you want it to... if it does go well, then you are surprised in the first place. 4)DONT feel you have to have sex with him to make him like you... if he doesn't like you in the first place but is looking for a piece for the night, you will be no better off in the end than when you started. 5) Believe in yourself, confidence is a BIG turn on to men, and if you start to dog on yourself in their presence, this ruins the chances for both of you. Men will run from a woman who has no confidence in herself. (But be careful not to come across as someone who is stuck on yourself either...) They don't want someone who will be needy and down on themself. When you meet him, hold your head high and let out an air of loving yourself. (Even if you have to fake it for awhile... since there are many woman who don't really love themself, and after faking it for so long, you will start to believe it... the mind is a powerful thing.) 6) How do you even know for a fact he is something you would find attractive? There is only one way to tell, but keep in mind how much you have enjoyed his conversations so far, (unless he is one who now suddenly doesn't talk upon meeting...) It is ok to be with someone you don't feel looks like your normal type. I have been with gorgeous men who I couldn't stand because they were TOO into themselves, and I have dated people that others would consider geeks... I like the more unnattractive ones with good personalities...

I want to give you the best wishes on your blind date, and hey, DONT FRET, if it doesn't work out for you, then at least YOU can sleep at night knowing you tried... and also keep in mind that there are so many fish in the sea that one could never become bored with the options...(and maaaan some of them are tasty... lol.)

Good luck to you, I hope this helps you!