I'm deeply in love with my girlfriend of nine months. Recently she's been very "hot and cold" towards me. Sometimes everything is OK, other times she seems very disinterested/tired with our relationship and goes very long periods without telling me she loves me. Is it my insecurities talking? Is this normal? How important is hearing that your girlfriend/boyfriend loves you AND does this make make it seem worth it to you? [sorry for the multitude of questions]
2006-09-07 14:55:05 · 10 answers · asked by grunterer 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Every person is different and it often has nothing to do with their self-esteem. I could go the rest of my life without hearing those words -- I'd rather be shown instead of told. If she isn't showing you or telling you -- talk to her and ask her what's up? Pretend that you are a doctor and she is a patient so you don't get too emotional about her response -- sometimes people's reactions to things can make the other person shut-down and stop talking for fear of being yelled-at or hurting the other person's feelings.
Depending upon what she says and how she says it you need to decide if you guys need a break or if she's already started hers. If you are deeply in love with her you probably dote on her -- stop. Back off and don't do all of the work in the relationship. That gets old and sets you up to be taken for granted. Don't be mean, just don't go overboard with your affectionate gestures so she snaps out of her comfort zone and realizes that you are not "in the bag".
If she turns around and starts acting like she used to (consistently), great -- if not, perhaps it's the normal course of a long-term relationship (there are ups and downs -- times when you feel in love and mushy and times when you love the person but you don't feel all gooey inside about them, it goes in cycles and is normal -- the mushy lovey feeling does return though, again and again). Just be confident that you are a good guy and deserve love and respect and don't settle for being treated poorly. (I'm not saying she is treating you poorly, but you wouldn' be concerned if everything was peachy.)
Just don't get down on yourself and jump to conclusions or overreact -- talk to her, which for relationships means ask questions, listen to her and let her do most of the talking. You should listen intently and think about what she said for a few days and then it's your time to talk.....
You sound like a sweet person and I hope you have much love!
2006-09-07 15:08:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-30 11:06:54 · answer #2 · answered by schugmann 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being told "I Love You" is nice, but knowing someone loves you is better. Make sure you remind her that you love her, she may be under a lot of stress or in a state where she is reconsidering the relationship. If she is being hot and cold make sure you don't pick fights and be as understanding as you can. Show her you love her, and that you are the right person for her.
2006-09-07 14:58:56 · answer #3 · answered by acidicblackrose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you talk to a therapist? What are you basis for love? You know, the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. I would read her actions and then ask her nicely if she is thinking about ditching your relationship.
2006-09-07 14:57:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hearing those 3 words are essential to a long lasting relationship. relationships aren't always gonna be perfect. If you love her, make sure you tell her.don't wait for her.even if you don't get the response u were hoping for its always worth it if the feeling is real. also, tell her how you feel about it. you can't get what you want if you don't tell her what you want.
2006-09-07 15:01:56 · answer #5 · answered by Lana L. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that she is acting different than she was before dont think ....she is....always go with your gut feeling ..tell her you have notice she has changed and see where it goes from there...Also if she comes back with everything is ok ...just tell her you have been thinking of seeing other ppl...If that dont get her attention nothing will ...if she says ok...thats her braking it to you ...she was just scared of hurting you
2006-09-07 15:00:57 · answer #6 · answered by smiley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is probably bored. Spice things up in the relationship. Do something new. Keep things hot! She is counting on you to do it.
2006-09-07 14:57:14 · answer #7 · answered by angielynn219 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you need to hear the words and to be honest its not a bad thing but if she is often one then the next you might want to just ask her what she she is thinking or feeling...
2006-09-07 14:58:26 · answer #8 · answered by bluedanube69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am in 11th grade in high school and have been going out w/ my boyfriend since 6th grade. we haven't said those words to each other and are both fine with it. and very happy... those three words are definently not crucial.
2006-09-07 14:57:51 · answer #9 · answered by Kit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
remembe action speaks louder than words...
2006-09-07 15:06:35 · answer #10 · answered by jjt168 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋