In a matter of days, I will be with my girlfriend for 5 years. We love each other a lot, and are both 24. We've both never had sex, even though I want to. I've expressed this desire many times but she keeps coming up with pathetic excuses, like "parental pressure" (come on, she's 24), "religion" (that's why we've had oral sex right?), and now, the latest excuse, that she is having a midlife crisis (sex=grownup act).
We've done a lot of other intimate things, such as oral sex, so I know that she does have the physical urge but doesn't go through with it. We've gotten close to having sex on the first year of our relationship, but she was drunk, and I didn't want to have sex with her not being fully conscious and aware (see how considerate I am?).
I believe she has some psychological issue with actual sex. I've urged her to see a counselor about it but she refuses. I've tried everything. We've had numerous talks; it simply isn't going forward.
I don't know where to go from here.
2006-09-07 14:53:41 · 28 answers · asked by Clark K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I just wanted to also add that we've discussed marriage; she does not want to consider marriage until she completes her Ph.D. That would take her about another 6 years from now.
2006-09-07 15:18:03 · update #1
Have you every considered that she just may not want to have sex until her wedding night. There is nothing wrong with that. And if you have been going out with her for five years, do you intend to be the groom down the road?
2006-09-07 14:56:35 · answer #1 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't rush her. Maybe she feels pressured for a reason, that you may not know. There are tons of nice girls out there that are completely perfect, but choose to have "real" sex the right way; which is when you're married. This girl seems the type. If you really love her so much, why don't you marry her?
I know why she feels this way; because you haven't proposed to her, and she feels that if she gives herself wholly to you, your relationship will just be another sex call. Even though you want to have sex with this girl, you must respect her wishes. Try to talk to her about it, so that she may open up with you and tell you the real reason.
2006-09-07 21:59:58 · answer #2 · answered by forest_without_sounds 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Duh?
Have you ever considered that maybe she is not some cheap slut and may want to get married and live happily ever after as opposed to you getting some and then off to bigger and better things? That may be the way she see's it.
I notice you make no mention of marriage, you just want some and I think she can see that very clearly.
A happy ending to this story, would be for her to find a real man, get married and leave you wondering what happened.
2006-09-07 22:00:13 · answer #3 · answered by Stingray 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really could be a fear. You need to sit down and talk to her about it and try and get it out of her exactly what she's afraid of. Is she overly religious? It could be the fact that she really doesn't want to have sex until she's married.
I like the fact that you've been together five years and you haven't pressured her that much but I can understand why you want to take the relationship to the next level.
I wish you luck.
2006-09-07 21:57:24 · answer #4 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she really is religious and you're not, I can't see how this will work. Maybe she had oral because most people have urges and after five years, that's a long time to not do anything. But you don't want her to sin and feel guilty, right?
2006-09-07 21:57:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she won't get some help for her issues then where you go is out the door. What are you going to do not have sex the rest of your life. Tell her you have been plenty patient...5 years is quite a bit of patience, most guys won't stick around for five dates if they aren't getting any. Tell her something HAS to change and if she won't get help you are going to have to move on. That should get her to see how important that it is that she faces this issue, and she's going to have to deal with it sooner or later.
2006-09-07 21:57:49 · answer #6 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with those that believe that sex should not be a person's solo game, and the male partner should look at the whole things from the female partner point of view...(thanks for the remarks)
2006-09-07 22:00:56 · answer #7 · answered by Pete 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like she is ready for sex...for whatever reason. If it's purely parental or religious reasons...then put a ring on her finger and take the walk down the aisle. At that point....she's yours.
2006-09-07 21:56:31 · answer #8 · answered by tjjone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should quickly demote her status from "girlfriend" to simply "friend".
There are plenty of high-quality ladies out there, for you to develop a meaningful, long-term relationship.
2006-09-07 22:37:15 · answer #9 · answered by embassydiplomat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you want it does not mean she needs it!
What's the big hurry?
she gives you a knob right? Whats the deal?
Leave it be...when she's ready she will ready.
maybe she gets it some where else, from someone who does'nt rush her.
she needs love...not rush.
are you hearing this?
2006-09-07 22:01:55 · answer #10 · answered by transvainia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋