Is it wrong to ask for help?

Question

I am a mother of 3 kids my oldest graduated 06 and all she does is sleep and if i ask her to help me clean or do some laundry I feel guilty but sometimes i get so tired from doing all the cleaning etc for five people all alone but i dont know how to get them to help me out sometimes? Or should I just do it myself

Answer 1

Don't do it yourself because you are teaching them that someone else will take care of their messes and you will not be helping them become mature responsible adults.

Don't look at it as you're tired of doing all of the work but see that you need to teach them to take care of their own messes. If you don't spend time teaching them and consistently demanding that they do it or else priviledges will be taken away; you aren't doing your job.

Obviously you have done everything for a long time so that no one even thinks of helping you, even when you ask. Can you see that you have taught them to be inconsiderate of all your hard work? It will take a long time to re-train them to better habits, and you'll want to give up and just do it yourself because the arguments and discipline is tiring.

I know I can't stand being a "grumpy" mom and constantly having to repeat myself to get any cooperation from my own children. However, children are able to pick-up after themselves around 2 or 3 so anyone older than that has been living la vida loca and it's your and your husband's fault. It's an awful realization but you can change things, just make up your mind and stick with it. Let the house get messy and relax if they don't participate so they can see how much you've been doing. REALITY check!

You should not feel guilty for wanting kids who are or soon will be adults to take their lives and their well-being seriously....the result of you not addressing this problem now that you realize it is that you are handicapping them as adults. Your husband should be leading the charge on this and supporting you too. Sounds as if he needs to get in there and set a better example.

Love,
Mom -- LOL!

Answer 2

No it is not wrong, if she is out of school and not doing anything with her lie then she should help around the house. Don't feel guilty because you have not reason too. As long as she is living with you and not working then she IS going to help around the house, no ifs, ands or buts about it. Put your foot down mom, a little tough love never hurt anyone. If she likes to sleep then wake her behind up at around 9 and have a to do list ready for her for the day. Whether it is doing laundry, washing windows, cleaning bathrooms. She should earn her keep. I am 53 and my wife and I raised 3 kids and they always did things around the house. Try it, you might like it.

Answer 3

If she graduated already, why are you still doing her laundry? Personally, I think kids should learn to do laundry when they're tall enough to reach the knobs! When you stop washing their clothes and they have nothing to wear, they'll do it themselves. Force the new graduate to get up and do something. She needs a job if she doesn't already have one. It is your home, even when it doesn't feel like it. You have the power to kick her out and she should listen to you. Make sure you tell her what you expect and what you will do if she doesn't comply. Then stick to it! Work on the young kids now so they won't be the same way later!

Maybe it makes you feel useful when you care for your family by doing everything for them, but you'll be helping them more by teaching them how to take care of themselves.

Answer 4

No it is not wrong to ask for help. They should pull their weight around the house and help you out.

Stop doing for them. Make them wash their own clothes, clean their own rooms, take out the trash, and other things.

They don't want to do it?

No problem let the laundry pile up in their rooms. They don't want to take out the trash? Dump it in their rooms.

My oldest son was like that. I asked him to take care of certain things but he would never do it. I put up with it for a while but when he had no clothes to wear eventually, he washed his. I made him clean his room, change beds etc.

If he didn't do what I asked him to do I waited until he went to sleep, woke him up in the middle of night, switched on the lights, and ripped the sheets from the bed.

He learned quickly and it was smooth sailing from there on.

Answer 5

Hold the boat. I am a working Mom and my daughter is still in school and she has had chores for YEARS. You have nothing to feel guilty about - all 3 kids should be helping around the house, whether you work or not.

You don't "get them" to help you out. You let them know what is expected and they do it. If they don't, then privileges are revoked, period. You need to remain consistant with that - if you don't enforce it every single time, it will never work.

M is for Mom, not maid. Quit being their maid. Get some respect for yourself!!!!

Answer 6

You shouldn't feel guilty to ask her for help.
If she graduated 2006, I am assuming she is 18. And, if she is living under your roof at 18 there are chores she should be doing to show she appreciates the housing you are providing for her.
She isn't a baby anymore, she is an adult. Therefor, tell her to get off her rump and do something around the house or move out.

Answer 7

No of course not. I had chores from the age of 10. Your daughter is 18 years old she needs to get a job. Especially if she is not in college. Don't feel guilty it is time your kids start learning responsibility and how to take care of themselves.

Answer 8

No you shouldn't do it yourself. They are old enough to do it for themselves...and you really aren't doing them any good because nobody is going to do it for them once they leave home. Why is the kid that graduated doing nothing but sleeping? Time for them to either get a job or get in to college or both. Don't do their laundary...period. Once they run out of clean clothes they'll get the picture. Stop doing it, they treat you this way because you allow them to. Change the rules. A parents job is to prepare the kids to be reponsible, productive members of society...are you?

Answer 9

Throw them out. Really, if they can't help and don't contribute it is time for them to leave the nest.

One of the things I did when my child was younger - in grammer school, is I went on strike. No shopping, laundry, cleaning, cooking, errands etc. for 2 weeks. The change in attitude was wonderful. However, yours are older and probably won't respond the same way.

Answer 10

Is she going to college or anything? If not, then its time to cut her off. No more cooking or cleaning for her until she can pitch in. No money for her either until she can start pulling her weight.

This is something that should have been started when she was much younger. From the age of 8 I helped with the dishes every night. From the age of 12 it was my job to put the washing on. From 15 I did the ironing. Of course for as long as I can remember, it was my job to clean my room.