I was one of 12 bridesmaids in my sister's wedding about 9 years ago. Her wedding was gigantic and cost she and her husband over $40,000! My wedding is tiny (65 guests maximum) and my fiance has only 3 groomsmen (he doesn't want any more). I live on the East coast and my sister lives in California. She is 39 years old and has a husband and daughter (my neice, whom I love).We are not extremely close (7 years apart). I have my best friend as my maid-of-honor (who live 4 hours away), my other best friend as a bridesmaid (another 4 hours away)and I have grown very close to my fiance's sister (who lives 15 mintues from us) and asked her to be one as well.
I figured that my sister would not be interested in being a bridesmaid because she is so far away and busy (she wouldn't come to the bachelorette party), and to be honest, there were friends of mine that I am closer with that I'd rather have as bridesmaids, since I only have 3 spots and we're on a tight budget.
What do I do??
2006-09-07 14:14:21 · 21 answers · asked by J B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Being a bridesmaid isn't "tit for tat." Her situation and yours are completely different. You have very good reasons for the three women you've chosen, so I don't see any problem.
But please make sure you sit down with your sister and discuss this. She might be just fine with not being in the wedding party, but there might be part of her that is hurt. You two will need to get this out and open as soon as possible so that you two can move forward. (All supposing a worst case senario, mind you.)
2006-09-07 17:15:09 · answer #1 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that no matter how far away I lived if my sister excluded me from her wedding I would be very hurt. When I got married there were people that we regretting having in the wedding. Never once have I regretting having any of my sisters in the wedding though. No matter what you will always be blood. I would definitely include her somewhere in the wedding. Maybe you should come out and ask her what she thinks since she did have you in her wedding. I have seen where some people have more girls then guys too. Like one person walks with two girls or something. Just a suggestion. But, even if not in the wedding as a bridesmaid, I would still include her somehow.
Congrats and best wishes!
2006-09-08 08:08:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 3 sisters. One of them was a bridesmaid in my wedding, one was a flower girl and one was just there as a guest. 26 years later, I still have to hear about how crushed and hurt she was that I didn't have her as a bridesmaid!!!!
Your sister will always be your sister so I would ask her... the fact that you asked your fiance's sister will definitely cause hurt feelings. Remember that she included you in her day.
When you call her, ask if she'd like to be a bridesmaid or if she'd rather participate in your wedding by doing a reading. At 39, there's a good chance she's "over" being a bridesmaid. You could also ask your niece to be a flower girl.
Y'know, after 26 years of marriage, my three sisters are now the most precious things in my life outside of my husband and sons. We were not at all close when I got married but through the years, that connection has gotten so much stronger. Today, I wish I could take back not having my one sister in my wedding. It was a thoughtless thing to do. She got me back though, she got married when I was 9 months pregnant AND asked me to be her maid of honor. *lol*
2006-09-08 01:15:53 · answer #3 · answered by Canadian_mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about having her help you? Such as while everyone is getting dressed, she would help you get dressed, make sure things are orderly, make sure everyone is in place, etc. I know you may not be close to her, but she is your sister and you mean a lot to her I am quite sure. And she probably would love to be involved somehow with her sister on her sisters special day.
My sister and i are 12 years apart. She was my candle lighter along with my brother. I too had my sister in law as my matron of honor and my closest cousin as a bridesmaid. I too only had 3 women and my husband only had 2 men so my cousin "the bridesmaid' had to walk down alone. Everything turned out wonderful. And the funny thing is that even though I just had my sister light the candle, she was the main one crying at the wedding!! All she kept saying was "my baby sister is married."
Do what is best for your wedding. Make your day special in everyway possible with the budget you can afford.
CONGRATULATIONS AND GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FIANCE WITH A LONG LIFE OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS
2006-09-07 22:40:57 · answer #4 · answered by little mama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't ask her to be a bridesmaid, do ask her to do something. It may sound silly, but being asked to hand out programs is an honor. Let her know you still love her even though you haven't been hanging out much over the years. It can be hard to come back to someone you've known most of your life and realize you've been replaced by new friends.
Also, don't limit yourself to three spots just because your husband only wanted three. People have uneven attendants all the time and it's no big deal! After all, how many husbands and wives have exactly the same number of close friends? My husband and I don't! Just have the number of bridesmaids you want, and don't pair the attendants up when they stand in the sanctuary.
2006-09-07 21:34:02 · answer #5 · answered by Jenny Alice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had 3 bridesmaids as well and not one was a sister of mine (whom I have 3 of). What I did do though is I gave them very important roles. The sister I'm closest to was my personal attendent. This is a great thing to have because there will be lots of questions that day about what goes where, who goes where and she is a great person to field those questions. My sister just wrote down all the questions and gave them to me one at a time when she knew I was ready. This cut down on a lot of the stress of feeling overwhelmed by everyone.
So, no it's not weird but give her a special role that is just for her, special to your relationship and how you two interact and communicate. If she's great at greeting people, let her greet. If she likes keeping you calm on your big day, let her be your personal attendant!!
2006-09-07 23:27:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In some families it's a sort of strict tradition that you prioritize siblings before friends for your bridal party, and in others it's not. Maybe talk to your mother about what she thinks would be best-- she'll be likely to know if others in your circle will think it's "weird".
But, how do you mean you only have three "spots?" You do not have to match the # of people you have in your party to the # on the groom's side. No one cares about that matchy-matchy-sides thing anymore. You can have uneven parties-- no one will even blink.
2006-09-08 01:02:19 · answer #7 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is your wedding your day talk to her about it maybe she will be okay with it explain that your aren't having a big weding and if you were you would want here in it but that you truly would like to have your best friends in it and explain how you feel she is busy and that it isnt because you dont care about here but that it makes it easier since she is so far away. i wish you all the luck. do what your heart tell you.
2006-09-07 21:20:30 · answer #8 · answered by LOLO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think just tell her the absolute truth so feelings don't get hurt. And ask her for other help in other areas so she's still a part of the wedding.
2006-09-08 00:20:46 · answer #9 · answered by sweets 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its not weird at all. My cousin did that, she felt that her sister should be able to sit and enjoy the wedding, not stand up there the whole time.
2006-09-07 21:28:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋