can u help? how do you???

Question

how do i start? Regarding men - i can't seem to make eye contact, start conversation or anything. i'm mid 30's so you'd think i'd know how, by now, but i don't. Is it not 'forward' for the girl to ask guys, or has that all changed in this day and age?? any suggestions appreciated. thanx

how long do i make eye contact for? usually, i look away as soon as they look back! Aaagh!

Answer 1

Personally, you can't wait on the guy to make the first move. Really, most of the time a guy that comes right out and makes a move specially depending on how they approach you is not gonna be the right kind of guy. Guys that come on strong, and have no problem with walking up to are usually looking for something more than just a date and a possible relationship. At least this is my experience. Guys are lazy, they always try to take the shortest rout to something they want, they may take a long time to make a move if they are really interested. I have always lived by "if you want something go for it". Forget waiting on someone else. I know it can be difficult to get over the jitters and of course there is the fear of rejection. Remember rejection is part of life and necessary in order for us to end up with the right person. When you are rejected try not to take it personal keep in mind that we all have our own preferences and it's nothing against the other people. There will be some real jerks out there of course that will try and cut you down. Forget them. The key is to not care. Don't let it bother you, I know it's easier said than done. I'm only 22, but I've had to over come a lot of obstacles. I had cancer when I was little, so my confidence has always been real tiny. Men are attracted to a confident woman. When all else fails fake it! :). You know what can help to loosen you up as well, go to a bar have a few drinks. That doesn' t mean get plastered so you can't think clearly and hit on the wrong guys. Just enough to help you relax a bit. And yes be careful who you hook up with. Be weary of a guy that wants to take you home. Going to Denny's and chatting, exchanging numbers, hey that's all perfectly harmless. Even great guys go to bars to escape the loneliness of bachelor hood at home where their only friend is a microwave. For first dates either go out to a resturaunt or if you offer to make him dinner make sure you make it a double date, have another couple come over too. And when you go to the bar, bring a friend or two. Going alone can increase anxiety levels, you feel more comfortable in a group of familiar people, security in numbers. Also a sure way to feel more at ease, go somewhere that your are familiar with, doing something you enjoy and are good at. So you won't feel insecure. For instence if you are good at bowling, go to a bowling ally with some friends, and if you spot a guy sitting around by himself or bowling alone, invite him to join you. Hey I've got all kinds of ideas. Email me if you'd like to chat more.

As for the the eye contact. Just a moment of eye contact so that you know that they saw you is enough. Then glance back every few moments or say and make sure you have his attention. If he doesn't come to you but it's obvious you've got his attention then go to him.

Answer 2

Just treat them as you would any other human being. Men are thoughtful, interesting people and very much just like us. Get to know them for who they are first and connect with the person, not the pants. Having male friends is good practice, so maybe try becoming friends with a few guys you're not attracted to. They will also have some good tips for you.
When it comes to the crunch with someone you like: a) Show a real interest in them and what they're about b) Flattery and encouragement work every time c) Be your own woman and appear interesting and confident - even if you don't feel it.

Good luck and have fun!

Answer 3

Well start by talking about something that interests you. That way you can find out what his interests are as well and start from there. And how do you know if you like him or not when you don't take a good look. If you can't look at someone that shows you have no self confidence in yourself. Always remember you are worth it and let HIM be the one to notice you and your qualities. There is no reason why you can't go up to someone and talk. If he is rude then he definitly wasn't worth the time. You'll never know till you try. Good luck.

Answer 4

You need to be more assertive. You don't sound very confident at all. If you see someone you are attracted to you should make the effort to let them know that, smiling at the person is as important as eye contact, after all you don't want to look like some crazed starey eyed female when a guy looks at you.Just relax and be yourself. If at first you don't succeed, don't let it knock your confidence, try again and good luck.

Answer 5

You need to loosen up and not be so uptight. A casual glance is all you need to give or you can be bold and ask the guy for the time. It isn't forward at all for the girl to ask the guy out--guys actually like women who do that sort of thing.

Answer 6

True story - I came out of Goodwill today (thrift store) and I saw a woman wearing dark glasses carrying books and I had just bought two recordings - one by Mahler and one by Shostakovitch - and we were about to pass one another on the sidewalk and I instinctively held them both up and said "Look what I just found!" And she smiled and said "Lucky you!" And it just went from there. My point is, I did not hesitate to introduce myself through the recordings because she had an armload of books. This is the clue: mutual interests - books and records. The point I am making to you is very simple; very basic: you will meet people and be able to talk with them at first sight as though you had known them for ages. It might help to have a mutual interest. I went on, speaking with her with this "My friend Betsey up in Bar Mills quilts. She makes photographs of the flowers in her garden behind her home and transfers them to her computer which then makes a print from which she can make a quilt based upon the photograph of her flowers." And this same woman picked up my comment and went right on, explaining to me exactly how Betsey's computer does that. My point, again, is very basic: you will meet people in your life who are total strangers, both men and women, and you will be able to open a conversation with them instantly, with no guile or hesitation whatsoever. The trick is where it coming from inside you. I was speaking from my heart and being totally straightforward and honest and that woman heard that in my tone of voice. Another clue. So now we have many clues at work here, don't we? Common interests (books and recordings) and being totally honest (shared conversation about the use of digital photographs from which to create full-sized quilts) and finally, (and yes, this is important) it was an absolutely lovely late summer day here in Maine, so it was perfectly natural to exchange pleasantries with others. It went with the sunshine and warm temperatures. So my suggestion to you is very simple. Be observant. You cannot pull a conversation out of the hat like a rabbit, but situations or circumstances often will provide enough impetus socially for you to quickly overcome any reluctance to open a conversation, or sorts, and then you just go naturally forward from that point to develop your thought with the other person, assuming interest on his part in what you are saying. It would be a small matter to notice if that person were not interested, wouldn't it, and then you could say "Well, then, right. Have a pleasant day, now. Cheers!" You get the general idea I am passing along to you here: absolutely stop thinking it is difficult. Let all that go and just become more observant to what is actually on your doorstep. Here is another example: look how I have been writing to you here in this Yahoo! Answer. I have been talking with you as though you were sitting right over there, and we were in your living room having a normal conversation. The truth of the matter is amazingly different: I am here in South Portland, Maine, U.S.A. and it is 9:45 P.M. in the evening as I finish up with this answer to you. It is Thursday, 7 September 2006. And we have just had a totally spontaneous exchange of ideas, haven't we? Well, that is how "hard" it all has to be. In closing, the good news I hope you will take with you is this: speaking to others tends to get easier as you get older. The importance of staying connected to other people socially is what keeps us young and vital and upbeat and healthy. I hope some of what I have told you here will help you let go of any hesitation you may have had and just enjoy meeting new people. I will be the first new person. See how easy it has been? Like that. Sent to you with good energies from Chris. (I am 63 years old.)

Answer 7

If you see someone your interested in go for it. You have to be confident in yourself first. Then you'll be able to look him in the eye and talk. Confidence in anyone is sexy. So hold your chin up and go for it! Good luck and don't forget to smile you should be having fun!
Ps they aren't any rules

Answer 8

make eye contact and then if he seems receptive nothing wrong with you initiating the first move just ask open end questions not ones with yes or no answers and if he sounds like your type then push it further but remember its nothing ventured nothing gained

Answer 9

i'm 35 and have no problem flirting with all sorts of men. it's fun! just because you flirt doesn't mean your gonna do the dirty. it is not 'forward' to ask a guy something simple like "hey, we are going to go to xyz place, do you want to go?" if he says yes, he is interested in you. if he says no, move on. don't chase a man. got my man because i spoke first to him. he said he thought i was "out of his league." you are more intimidating to men than you think.

Answer 10

well shy people can talk ,go to public places too.Try going out and raising that head and smiling ,a guy will start the conversation before you can bat a eye.