My daughter 12 years has been eating less and less for the last 6 months. She is now well underweight. We have tried reasoning, shouting, taking her to the doctors but to no avail. I think the lack of food has effected her mental health. She is going back to the doctors tomorrow. Has anyone any suggestions?
2006-09-07 11:47:49 · 22 answers · asked by msbean 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter and your family are having to go through this.
I'd talk with her and list out the behaviors that you are seeing that scare you. Here's an article for helping a family member with an eating disorder: http://www.edreferral.com/helping_loved_ones.htm
She may be in denial about her eating problems, but you need to get her to a therapist who specialized in eating disorders. There, she will work on the issues causing the eating problems, as well as the eating disordered symptoms. She needs to be medically monitored (due to weight loss) and to have a therapist. If she's open to it (which I am guessing she isn't at this point), a nutritionist and support group would be helpful too.
Here are 2 links for ED info and treatment resources (therapists, nutritionists, inpatient facilities, etc.):
http://www.something-fishy.org/treatmentfinder/
http://www.edreferral.com
Good luck, and I hope you have support for you too!
2006-09-07 11:53:09 · answer #1 · answered by EDtherapist 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry to hear about yur daughter.
You need to get a good counsellor. There is lots of funding at the moment for teenagers with eating disorders so this should not be a problem.
What can you personally do about it?
It seems more than coincidental that this is happening at a stage of her life where her body is changing rapidly. Obviously I have not talked to her or any of your family, but I would guess she is afraid of growing up. There are many reasons why this may be so, and I am not going to go into them here as it is something for her counsellor.
Is there anything that you do or say that might give a subliminal message that you want her to be young (little). Things like "You won't need us when...." "You're too big now to ...." "You won't be able to do that when ...." etc?
Shouting wont help. Instead give her positive messages which dont include eating. Give her permission to grow up. Things like extending bedtime, allowing a little more freedom. Telling her how exciting it is that she is on the process of becoming a woman (be wary here, if she is afraid to grow up you may get an eruption, but that also will tell you something. If this happens, don't fight back, just love her.)
Keep cuddling her. assure that you will still expect her to sit on your lap for cuddles when she is 30.
Listen to her. You obviously have a loving relationship because you have noticed that there is something wrong.
Ensure that the family sit down together to watch something that makes you all Laugh out loud at least once a week. Laughing is very healing. Try and get everyone to snoogle during this time.
These are just a few suggestions. The counsellor will give you more as long as at the beginning of her therapy you make it plain that while you don't want to know the details said in her sessions, you do want to work together as a family to help her. Get the counsellor to agree things in their sessions that she can tell you.
I really hope that this helps. Please don't get the impression that I'm saying "it's all the parents fault". It isn't, but there are some things we can do to support our loved ones.
All the best
2006-09-10 23:07:08 · answer #2 · answered by krazykarenteague 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may well be anorexia but may also just be a phase. I remember eating very little at that age, I would get by on a packet of cheese and onion crisps (chips for US readers) and a Fry's Chocolate cream. then maybe later eat about 3 sausages. That was it all day. That isnt enough either surely. I weighed about 6 and half stone. (about 90 pounds). See the doctor just incase though. Shouting at her wont help.
2006-09-09 21:10:39 · answer #3 · answered by Princess415 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First try to find out if there are any medical/physical reasons for her not eating. If not: She definitely needs professional help, a psychologist or a psychiatrist. 12 - 14 years is the typical age for developing anorexia. Do not force her to eat - that may result in bulimia/ binge eating syndrome which is even more dangerous.
Young girls these days are confronted with a lot of female anorexic role models - singers, actresses, models - they look at themselves and think that something is wrong with their body. They take fright when some people call women like the clearly underweight JLo well-proportioned.
The only thing you can do, with the assistance of a psychologist or the like, is make her feel good about her body! Make her feel good at home, make her compliments about things she does (you read a lot of interesting books, I like that drawing of yours, you're so intelligent, I think you've got a great talent for... find something she likes to do) - NOT her looks.
If you think she's already too skinny - tell her. Do not pity her - oh, girl, you're so skinny it makes me worry - Tell her she looks unhealthy, her skin's dry, her hair looks thinner - not in a threatening tone. Sounds hard, but often helps. She has to understand that she does a lot of harm to her body and psyche.
On the other hand, she has to understand that she is someone who is worth to be taken care of, that she is valuable to you and other people and should valuable be to herself. Encourage her with everything she wants to do, except for not eating, try to raise her self-confidence in any way you can! And be very kind to her - I can asure you, she suffers! Don't stop when she starts eating again - relapse rates are very high. It simply is too satisfying when you found something you actually CAN control and if it's only your eating habits.
2006-09-07 12:16:07 · answer #4 · answered by msmiligan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi there. is she worried about something? has something happened that would affect the way she is feeling or thinking? i really feel for you. 12 is a difficult age for any child. try asking her what she would like to eat instead of just giving her what you have cooked. shouting wont help as this will just upset her. have a girlie day out. just you and her. have fun and let her no that she is loved and cared about. if she is worrying about something then she is more likely to open up. a good dietician could give advice. speak to your doc. in the meantime take her food shopping with you and let her choose whatever she likes. even if its junk, its still food. also get in some yoghurt drinks and anything else that could build her up. good luck.
2006-09-07 19:46:49 · answer #5 · answered by JACKIE A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like an eating disorder but you should make sure it' s no physical problem. If she tells you she doesn' t feel thin and wants to keep dieting, or if she starts "playing " with her food, cutting it into very small pieces..ect. it' s most likely an eating disorder. Problem here us that your daughter really sees herself as fat and won't believe you. I used to suffer from a mild form as a teenager and after some years I got over it. The earlier the treatment starts...the better are her chances. Before it becomes an automatism or coping mechanism.
Good luck !
2006-09-09 20:01:50 · answer #6 · answered by tina.nebel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take her to the doctor and let them explain the dangers of not eating. she might be eating less and less since you nag her about it . i had the same problem when i was her age even though i was already thin. kids these days are very cruel, and all the artist and models are very thin. my mother brought me to the doctor , who then made me keep a diary of everything i ate for about a week. i then went back to the doctor and they showed me the amount of calories and nutrients that i need to stay healthy and what i was getting.
2006-09-07 11:56:51 · answer #7 · answered by lilshorty3088 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need a referral from your GP to a specialist. Even if you go private and have to pay.
Anorexia is an emotional disease which has more to do with love than food.Shouting is not a good idea.
Look for specialist clinics on the Internet and be prepared to travel. If it was my girl I would start fighting for her and I would to be very kind and as understanding as I could be. She needs an expert to help her and so does your family.
2006-09-08 11:17:09 · answer #8 · answered by Nicola H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does she think she is fat? is she being bullied? Theres aroot cause behind this, not eating is a symptom not a cause. You need to find out WHY she wont eat and sort that out. Is there anyone she will talk to if not you a female friend? Tempt her with all her fave food. Have a pampering eveining just you and her face packs videos and lots of lovely sncks see if you can get her to talk. Bles she rbest of luckxx
2006-09-07 11:52:32 · answer #9 · answered by princess s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She'll eat when she is ready, but do not argue with her as you'll make it worse, have lots of the food she likes, so if that is chocolate have lots of chocolate at home so she can help herself.
Praise her lots do not draw attention to the fact you are worried but ask her what she wants to eat, involve her in the preparation of meals and let her order take-away.
All these do help, remember though do not make a fuss of her not eating that makes it worse.
2006-09-07 22:30:50 · answer #10 · answered by thebigtombs 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋