I never had a good relationship with my mother, not to mention my grandmother raised me until I was 8 yrs old, my mother is just a very difficult person to deal with, she is selfish and proud and thinks that things have to be the way that she wants all the time,she's against my marriage and a lot of other things too..I know that she loves me a lot, its just that her love is more of an obssesion for me more than anything else, I just cant take it anymore and I think that the best thing to do is to stay away from her for my own emotional health, even though it hurts, its like the benefits are more than the losses, i know that she needs my help and presence in her life but I'm gonna end up going down with her if I stick around her, she causes me a lot of depression ect..do u think its wrong to not have a relationship with your own mother?
2006-09-07 11:43:27 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I really can't say if its right or wrong not to have a relationship with your mother. There are situations that call for a child and mother to be apart for different reasons.
I was in a similar situation as you - was because my mother died several days ago. We had not spoken to each other for years, we did not agree with certain things. She had sent me to live with my Grandfather when I was 12 in a different country. I don't remember her hugs, except when I had to get my shots when I was a child she would hold me - I've never been afraid of needles. As time went on, I had my own family - without her approval. I didn't care whether she approved or not. She never personally met her grandchildren. I sent photos now and then.
She had several divorces, she had some hard times I heard.
Depending on how you feel about this, only you can say whether you should have a relationship with your mother or not. You may be pretty stressed with the situation you're in - may be a "vacation" is what you really need from your mother. Look for your peace of mind - then you'll get your answer. And it may help you deal with your mother.
You're not a "bad" daughter... you still care for her. The stress you feel may be guilt, but may be not - only you know that. You have your own life. Her decisions are hers.
Good luck!
2006-09-07 12:07:01 · answer #1 · answered by Eiznot 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are basically asking us permission to do what you've already planned to do. You state you just can't take it anymore. That is your biggest clue. Of course you value your mother, because without her you wouldn't be here, but if being with her causes you such depression that you feel like your "gonna end up going down with her," you should do what is right for you. You are under NO obligation to babysit your mom. That she is a difficult person to deal with is quite evident and it's painful for you to make this decision, you are very right to want to stand apart from her.
It's called "Tough Love." Sometimes kids have to do these things to their parents when their parents haven't grown up. You are NOT a possession of your mother's. You are a human being and you value your emotional health. You are an adult. You are making a very adult decision regarding your future.
My best wishes to you for a successful life. Good luck!
2006-09-07 18:53:30 · answer #2 · answered by Hello Dolly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a lot of unresolved hurt going on there. Relationships of any kind are a challenge. I wouldn't completely cut off contact with her, but do be sure that you have plenty of positive people in your life as well.
You also can be your own person with ideas that are diffferent than hers. Everyone is different and you can speak up and say what you think, feel and want. Just because she is your mother doesn't mean you have to always agree with her. But do try to respect her as your mom, even if she isn't perfect (none of us are). Hope this helps.
2006-09-07 19:03:17 · answer #3 · answered by godsgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an adult you can stop speaking to your mom if you want to. The most important thing to do is to do what makes you feel good. Will you feel good not talking to her. Maybe you should just deal with her at a distance when you want to call to just say hi or something like that. You don't have to turn it into a bad thing. You can just gradually space yourself away from her until you get to a point where you feel comfortable with the amount of space between the two of you. You know. Do whatever feels right and good for you.
2006-09-07 18:47:44 · answer #4 · answered by Miss Tee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good lord....do we have the same mother? I was raised quite a bit by my grandmother and my mother is controlling, 2 faced, and emotionally draining. I have had periods where I did not talk to my mother for long periods of time. Although we are speaking now, its pretty superficial.
I love her and she loves me, but we just dont get along. If you feel its in your best interest to cut contact then do so. You dont choose your parents, and not all people should be parents. Perhaps in time, you to can reconnect.
2006-09-07 18:50:52 · answer #5 · answered by darcys_wifey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is your mother, she should be supportive of your decision, your marriage.
Have you tried sitting down with her and telling her all these things? She needs to know that this is how you feel. No problems will be resolved unless you bring it up with her and hopefully, when you do, she will see what she is doing to you and maybe she can change.
Good luck.
2006-09-07 18:48:10 · answer #6 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friends you can choose; family you can't. You don't want to end a relationship with your mother if you can help it. Just don't care as much, or let it get under your skin. Be there, but don't care too much. Act your way through it. When she hurts you, just let it slide.
2006-09-07 18:57:32 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to talk to your mom about everything if you cant write everything you feel on paper and give it to her. I lost my mom close to 2 yrs ago and I loved her so much and i wish she was here now yes she tried telling me how to raise my kids at times and drove me crazy sometimes but i would do anything in this world if she was here right now telling me what to do. I have so much i still need to tell her which i do in prayer but not the same so Please tell your mom everything NOW
2006-09-07 21:38:17 · answer #8 · answered by sweets 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your mother leaves you feeling the way you do when you speak with her, then stop. You owe nothing to her. Just because she gave birth to you, it sure as hell doesn't mean that she can treat you like that.
2006-09-07 18:59:47 · answer #9 · answered by Amanda C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sooner or later u gonna need her. if she messed too much in head, just ignore her for a while. u dont need to think about that problem all the time.
2006-09-07 18:52:37 · answer #10 · answered by 7eleven guy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋