What do you think about first time mothers who are in their 40's?

Question

My aunt is 50. She has a 9 year old and a 4 year old.

She waited to have children because she was establishing her career, which she loves, and now works part time and stays home with her children.

I am not bashing "older" mothers, but I notice she is tired a lot with her children, they don't play much and she is always telling them to go read and quiet down because she doesn't have a lot of energy to be out running around with them.

She also expects her children to always behave and they act like they are 40 years old. Its sad because I wish they could just be little happy kids, but they never have fun.

Is this a common thing for mothers who start having children in their 40's?

Do older mothers have less energy for their children to where they are not "fun" moms?

Answer 1

I think it is sad that they would rather think about them selves instead of the health of the child! The chances of birth defects go dramatically up after the age of 38.

Answer 2

I dont know about that. My brother in law had a baby at 38 and his last one at 40(which was a year ago). His wife is 32. He is a wonderful father and age doesnt seem to hinder his parenting in the least. I think its pretty individual.

I probably wont be having my first child until Im 35 and my husband will be 43. I dont feel that Im making a poor choice. Id rather be done with school, have a career, buy a house, and be able to be a good provider than have a kid right now*(28) when I am not stable.

Answer 3

I'm curious how old the person is who wrote this question. I had my only child at 38 after 2 miscarriages and had 2 miscarriages afterwards.
Yes, I get tired, but I'm also disabled from Lupus. But most of the kids around here think I'm "the cool mom" because I find creative ways to have fun with my son. My husband does the more "physical" activities when he isn't working.
I hear a lot of Moms who had their kids in their early to mid twenties wish they had waited before having their kids. My road was not planned by me and I consider my son the blessing of God. I see younger mothers who let their kids roam the neighborhood without supervision because the moms are "exhausted" from work and want time for themselves. I can understand that; I did work for a short time after having my son until the Lupus became very active.
I have no regrets because I had a lot of "me" time in my 20's until marrying for the 1st time at 37. I was a flight RN, I worked in an inner city level 1 trauma center; I traveled to Russia,England, Finland and Mexico. I lectured in London on Flight Nursing.
But I see women who don't want anything to do with their kids who are 10 or even 20 years younger than I am. My SIL actually said, when asked what we should get for her daughter's birthday, "anything that she can do by herself so I don't have to play with her". I think everyone has a different style of parenting and anyone, at any age, can be too tired for their kids and I find it sad.

Answer 4

My mom was 34 when she had me. I was always very mature for my age. I'm not sure if that is due to her being older or me being an only child. What I do know is my mom was TONS of fun. She would take me to amusement parks and she would go on all the rides with me, even the roller casters. She took me sledding and played Barbies with me. She also worked, and some days she was tired, but I am 26 with 3 kids and get tired some days too. No I would say that not ALL older moms are too tired for their kids.

Answer 5

I do not agree that's true. Most of my colleagues do not have kids until their mid-thirties or early forties, because the field I'm in is very competitive and demanding. However, most of them do play with their kids and let them do stupid "kiddy" things.
personally, as long as they get all the prenatal screenings on time, I think they are being more responsible than teen parents.
I despise people who think that their children do not deserve to go to college or have nice stuff.
Older parents are also certain that they really wanted their children, and do not say they wish they had waited.Their children will always have the advantage of knowing that they were planned and wanted, not a result of a broken condom. In most cases, they also have more money.
Like it or not, life is not all about money, but most of it is about money

Answer 6

Not all some mothers that are that old are that way however, some 40 yr olds are healthier then 20yr olds.
Being 50 with young children is a little selfish because she should not expect to have her children be adults at such a young age. They need to be able to go out and go to the park, amusement parks, museums, zoo etc. I understand that some women would prefer to have they career first then decide to have children but at the age of 50 is too old....

Answer 7

Yes,Yes,and Yes . My sister was 36 when she had her twins,and they seem so mature,(at 5)cuz they are around parents that don't get down on the floor and roll around with them,or play peek a boo, or whatever activties toddlers need.And now at the age of 5 they sit around like big kids, not knowing how to play,wanting to get in on conversations with the adults.I agree that younger parents are good, but if it just doesn't work till that age then i guess its okay.But the kids often suffer for the decisions parents made. But again, this does not mean i'm stereotyping all mothers.This is just an opinion on some mothers out there.

Answer 8

I think it's selfish of women to have kids after they turn 40. Children were not a priority for them, for what ever reason, when they were younger and all of a sudden they feel this need to become a mom. They have most likely built a wonderful career that now they have to either put on hold, end, or in the very least modify in some way to accommodate their new family. They put their own health at risk when they get pregnant and their children have higher risks of birth defects. Also, maybe not a 40 year old but someone a few years older, they have a greater chance of not being their for their children as adults either because of death, aging or illness, in which case the child has to take care of the parent as well as their own possible new family. I'm rambling, sorry, I just think it's selfish and I don't think women can have it all. I know that's not very enlightened of me, but you can't have it both ways.

Answer 9

There are benefits to a mother being older but having energy is not one of them, that is for the younger moms. Older moms have the benefit of age, life experience and wisdom which usually translates to patience. Maybe it's not for everyone but it works for her. I had my kids when I was 29 and 32. I am now 45 and I am looking forward to when I'm 50 and they are both in college and I am free and not ancient.

Answer 10

It doesn't sound to me as though age is the problem with your aunt. I wonder why she had children. Some people without children as they get older think, who will take care of them in their old age, and so decide to have children. It's too bad that your aunt doesn't seem to be having fun with her kids. Is it possible this is the same way she was brought up? Maybe her parents didn't interact with her either. Maybe you could encourage her to join in some activities with her kids. Does she have any hobbies that she could share with them? Maybe she could teach them to play cards or participate in crafts. And maybe her nice nephew (hint, hint) could handle the rough-housing and ball-throwing, and other more physical activities. Even if your aunt isn't participating in physical activities with her kids, maybe she could play board games or even sit and watch a movie with them.

Answer 11

People are entitled to have children at any age.My friend he is 40 yrs old and has a two yr old,he has lots of energy.He is a single dad raising his son by himself and spends every free minute he has with him.Older people having kids is no worse than teenagers having kids.