What can I say to people when they ask me and my husband why one of our kids does not look like him?

Question

My first son has a different dad and my now husband adopted him and loves him as his own but now we have anotherone on the way and I'm sacared about how we should react to people when they ask or make comments about how one of them don't look like my husband and the other one does or any kind of comment I need help because we have gotten some questions like that and I feel bad because I don't know what to say or how to react to it

Answer 1

Say"thats a odd thing to say,I dont know why you would say something like that"watch them squirm!!!

Answer 2

Well, just be honest for pete's sake. If people are nosy enough to ask such a rude question, you just politely look them in the eye and say "he's my son from a previous realtionship". It's not like it doesn't happen in thousands of couples/families. My nephew was married to a girl who had a son from a previous relationship, big deal. He's still a wonderful child, as I'm sure your's is. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Hope the new baby is beautiful and healthy.

Answer 3

Well, first of all it's really none of their business. But if they are rude enough to ask that, it's at your discretion. Unless you are embarassed about your son's biological father, tell them the truth: That you are no longer with his biological father and that your new husband is his adopted father. Or don't even go into the details. But honestly, it's nothing to be embarassed about. It happens all the time. A good friend of mine is in the same situation - her parents broke up when she was a baby, then he passed away. When her mom re-married, her husband adopted my friend. He is her father, and no one questions it. If they do question it (because they look very different), they are honest and open. Hope this helps! :)

Answer 4

This is an unbelievably thoughtless, if not rude, question whose implication is obvious. I wish I could channel Miss Manners or Margo Howard to conjure up the perfect response.

I would be inclined to either ignore the question altogether, treating it as a gaffe on par with passing gas in an elevator, or to give a non-answer like "Why do you ask?"

Depending on the mood you're in, you can either say the latter with a stony expression or a brief, polite smile that doesn't quite meet your eyes.

Another possibility might be saying "I beg your pardon?" as though truly shocked anyone might ask such a question. Or "I can't imagine why you'd ask that question."

Under no circumstances are you obliged to relieve anyone's curiousity. People who wish to be your friend won't persist.

Answer 5

I don't think people will say anything. If they do, they are rude people, feel free to blast them. Tell them, "Mind your own d*mn buisness"
Whatever you do, don't be embarrased about it. For example, don't say to someone you just met, "This is my husband, John. This is our son Bobby, and this is our other son Tony, he's from another marriage." This will make Tony feel like he's not part of the family.
If you insist on letting people know he's from another parent, just say, "This is John, my husband. This is our son Bobby, and this is my son Tony" Anyone with half a brain will figure out that Tony's not John's son.
I don't think it will become an issue, unless you make it one.

Answer 6

I would say to them - Well certain things tend to skip a generation or Family isn't about looks it's about love. My son who is mine and my husbands dosen't look anything like either one of us, he is a carbon copy of my brother. Theres just no telling. You could also say he takes after your side of the family. It's none of their business anyway. You both love and your son and that out weighs anything anyone can say to you. Chances are also with having another child, the kids will look similar so no one will really question it. Congrats on the upcoming baby and congrats to you on your husband adpoting your son! Thats such a wonderful thing!! Good Luck!!

Answer 7

I think it's completely rude for people to ask such questions; especially in this day and age where combined families are so common. Who cares who the child looks like??

To answer your question....I would just matter of factly reply with the truth. Your husband adopted him. Don't take their rudeness personally or even acknowledge it in any way. Not everyone can have class.

Answer 8

For good friends, an answer like the explanation in you question would be reasonable. For anyone less than a good friend that shouldn't be asking in the first place or unknowingly asked what to you is actually an important question, just tell them it's the magic of genetics.

Answer 9

That's nobody's business. You shouldn't tell anyone he isn't your husband's and if they say anything just make a joke that he's the milkman's.

You don't need to explain anything to anyone. You're under some misguided illusions that you need to explain or justify yourself to people and you don't. Even children from the same dad look different. My kids all look totally different from one another--one is blonde blue eyes, the other takes totally after me, and the third looks like neither of us, and yes they're all mine and hubby's.

Answer 10

Obviously there are a few things in the closet that are none of anyone's business...when someone asks a foolish question like that just indicate that imaculate conception brought him to the two of you and you both love him. Other than that it is nobody's business but your own.

Answer 11

Oh, people are so ignorant, aren't they? In this day and age, divorces and second marriages are not uncommon, so there is nothing to be ashamed of. However, you do have a right to your privacy, so if you don't want to say anything, just smile at them.

But if you are feeling particularly mischievous say "I know...he kinda looks like YOUR husband, huh?"