2006-09-07 09:26:55 · 17 answers · asked by tasha 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
just to rediscover those dead stuff in a marriage... things which are no-fun anymore...rejuvinate oneself...justified?
2006-09-07 09:31:40 · update #1
No. I think if you feel your relationship is "dead" or without pizazz, then you and your DH should work on your relationship. Talk, communicate, fight if you have to ... find out what it is that is at the heart of the feelings of loss that you have. You may need a marriage counselor. But bringing a new person into the equation is only a short term fix. The new person is only "exciting" b/c they are new and you haven't seen their dirty underwear and socks on the floor and you haven't seen them first thing in the morning looking all ragged. No, I say, work on the relationship and try to rekindle that spark.
2006-09-07 09:43:55 · answer #1 · answered by J.Z. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I didn't need that... but I do. I understand it entirely. It's walking a fine line, because the platonic relationship is answering a need that the spouse is not.
For me, this is common interests, fields of study, general IQ, passion about a project, love for wine, men who are totally into parenting or really know how to gourmet cook.
My husband, while he's a really nice guy, has few of the same interests I do, he has no "field of study", his IQ is quite a bit below mine (not being snotty... just truthful), we have no mutual projects from lack of common interests. He likes drinking wine (now that he's met me - lol) but is struggling to learn about it... we disagree on tastes... long story there... he is incompetent as a parent (but it's not a first marriage for us... we have no children together... I just wind up doing all the parenting for his daughter because he's fairly neglectful there)... and while he obsesses about Food Network and fashions himself to be a great chef, he can barely follow a recipe and turn out a meal. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, because I appreciate it when he does cook... I'm just saying it's not a skill level that you can use to open a restaurant or be a chef for a living, which is what he seems to believe.
That sounds like a huge vent for me... and maybe it is... but what I'm saying is that the only way our marriage works is for me to be able to have social relationships with other men (and women) where I am able to have those needs met... and he doesn't seem to have a problem with it. He's just sort of... well... a couch potato - lol So I get to go my own way and it's just understood that if I need intellectually stimulating conversation, it's going to have to come from somewhere else.
It's also understood that if he's going to play golf... it will have to be with someone else. I try to get him to go off and do stuff he's interested in too... but he's just sort of lazy and he won't. I don't want the pressure of being expected to be someone's "everything" and I don't expect him to be all that for me either. I've had that in a relationship... and it was fairly draining because there's always disappointment if you're not able to meet those expectations.
It's usually better to have those platonic relationships in a group... and not one on one so no one gets the wrong idea, but if it's having lunch with someone you work with because you have things you'd like to discuss and don't have time on the job or something... then I think that's fine. I think it's especially important to respect the marriage so that you're not taking time away from your partner to be with the other person. If you both agree that your individual time will be on Saturdays from noon to 4 and you and a group of people want to go to a wine tasting while your husband plays golf (my dream scenario) then so be it. Then you get together that night, just the two of you, do dinner and a movie. No harm, no foul.
2006-09-07 16:49:05 · answer #2 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you didn't finish your question but yes. just because people are married doesn't mean that they shouldn't have their own lives however on the other hand people can get to into the separate side of their lives and move away emotionally from there spouse.
It's hard to except if your husband has a really good friend that's a girl or the girl that has a guy friend because then the spouse thinks well what do they have that I don't have and why can you come to me and talk. This jealousy can also break a marriage apart.
2006-09-07 16:38:04 · answer #3 · answered by nm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not! How do you think extramarital affairs begin? They were all at a platonic state at one point. If you're involved with some one who gives you comfort and satisfies your emotional needs, you're already having an affair. This kind of intimacy should only be with your spouse. If you just want companionship, hang out with friends of the same sex. Why go after a platonic relationship? I hope your marriage doesn't fail. It looks like you've already planted a bad seed in your mind.
2006-09-07 16:35:03 · answer #4 · answered by Miss Jay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds risky. Yes, everyone needs friendships. Your spouse should not be your only friend. But, seeking out someone of the opposite sex to "rediscover" something about your marriage? That is asking for trouble. It's called emotional cheating. It leads to the physical kind pretty quickly.
2006-09-07 16:33:50 · answer #5 · answered by smurfette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think having a plutonic relationship with a member of the oposite sex could come in handy as a way to seek or relate to relationship probs for the both of you. Also is great because thiers not as much stress to be the "real you" that you are in front of members of the same sex, good relaxation and belching contests with men are fun when the chick wins
2006-09-07 16:31:10 · answer #6 · answered by evilpoutyangel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Work on your marriage. You are headed for a slippery slope. You are going outside of your marriage, a sacred place. This will not solve the issues you have in your marriage. Please talk to a clergyperson or therapist. You can help your marriage by doing little things to make your husband happy, like keeping the house clean, keeping yourself in shape, etc. When he is happy, he will start treating you like the queen you were to him when you were dating. Good luck, dear.
2006-09-07 17:09:39 · answer #7 · answered by Isabella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I do ... platonic relationship allow you to have a healthy interaction with others without just having a sexual basis. It allows you to grow comfortable trusting and confiding in others besides your love interest. It can help you become stronger as a person and more independant.
2006-09-07 16:29:01 · answer #8 · answered by Tyler P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No mam because it will never stay platonic because it always leads to a just on night of sin at first and then everytime their together it keeps getting deeper and deeper.
2006-09-07 16:32:09 · answer #9 · answered by Nicki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just to what? You don't 'need' a platonic relationshipwith the opposite sex if you are married. There is no one I'd rather hang with then my husband, when it comes to the opposite sex. Unless, you are more into flirting then being a friend....c'mon!
2006-09-07 16:29:31 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋