joke,though long but good one?

Question

Subject: Tech Support
*This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you
skip
any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all
true!!!!* =================================*
Tech support:* What kind of computer do you have?*
Female customer:* A white one...
===============*
**Customer:* Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.*
Tech support:* Have you tried pushing the Button?*
Customer:* Yes, sure, it's really stuck.*
Tech support:* That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.*
Customer:* No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still
on my
desk... sorry....
===============
*Tech support:* Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the
screen.*
Customer:* Your left or my left?
===============
*Tech support:* Good day. How may I help you?*
Male customer:* Hello... I can't print.*
Tech support:* Would you click on "start" for me and...*
Customer:* Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not
Bill
Gates.
===============
*Customer:* Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every
time I
try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and
placed
it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find
it...
===============
*Customer:* I have problems printing in red...*
Tech support:* Do you have a color printer?*
Customer:* Aaaah....................thank you.
===============
*Tech support:* What's on your monitor now, ma'am?*
Customer:* A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
===============
*Customer:* My keyboard is not working anymore.*
Tech support:* Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?*
Customer:* No. I can't get behind the computer.*
Tech support:* Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back*
Customer:* OK*
Tech support:* Did the keyboard come with you?
*Customer:* Yes*
Tech support:* That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another
keyboard?*
Customer:* Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
===============
*Tech support:* Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a
capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.*
Customer:* Is that 7 in capital letters?
===============
*Customer:* I can't get on the Internet.*
Tech support:* Are you sure you used the right password?*
Customer:* Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.*
Tech support:* Can you tell me what the password was?*
Customer:* Five stars.
===============
*Tech support:* What anti-virus program do you use?*
Customer:* Netscape.*
Tech support:* That's not an anti-virus program.*
Customer:* Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
===============
*Customer:* I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver
on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
*Tech support:* How may I help you?*
Customer:* I'm writing my first e-mail.*
Tech support:* OK, and what seems to be the problem?*
Customer:* Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get
the
circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
printer.
*
Tech support:* Are you running it under windows?*
Customer:* "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his
printer is
working fine."
===============
And last but not least...*
**
Tech support:* "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at
the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
type
the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"*
Customer:* I don't have a P.*
Tech support:* On your keyboard, Bob.*
Customer:* What do you mean?*
Tech support:* "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.*
Customer:* I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

Answer 1

you had me crackin' up on every one of those. Especially the last. Please, please, please send me more.

Answer 2

These are very good and true!
I worked at an office supply store in the Electronics Dept. for 3 years. Here are a few of my own.
Sometimes after selling a printer I would get a call like this
It would always start out the same way:
"Hi! I just bought a printer from you about an hour ago and I can't get it to work."
I would start out my questions like this sometimes using more then one on the same customer:
Did you plug into your computer?
Ohhh....click!
Is it plugged into an outlet?
Ohhh....click!
Is it turned on?
Ohhh....click!
Is there paper in it?
Ohhh....click!
Did you put the ink cartridge in it?
Ohhh....click!
and my all time favorite customer after telling me that I must think he's a total Idiot and how I have insulted him thoughly and he was going to call Corporate and complain about me after asking him every one of these questions but this one was
Did you pull the plastic film off the bottom of the cartridge?
Ohhh....click!!!!!!

Answer 3

They're all great.

Also, did you know that rather than saying "Press any Key", Microsoft is planning to make it the space key, due to the huge numbers of people calling to ask where the any key is. It's true.

Answer 4

OMG!!! Soooo funny!

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice anand gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his horror, there were twelve dinner guest seated at the table for his surprise birthday party.



A little boy on his trycicle asked the man in the pickup next to him if he wanted to race. The man agreed, so when the stoplight turned red, he went 10 mph. The bot went back a little, then came back next to the man. him. So he went 30 mph. But he was still there. 50, then 80 mph, and the boy was still right next too him. So the man sped up to 100 mph. The boy was still there! The man pulled to a stop, as did the little boy.
The boy was breathing hard. The man asked him how he did that.
"gasp... gasp... My shirt was...stuck in your door!" the boy replied.

Answer 5

Thhose were good.... gives you whole new respect for those tech support folks.

Answer 6

DUDE thats rich thats a good one

Answer 7

lmao the ones in the end are funnier

Answer 8

hahaha that last one is funny, but so were the others

Answer 9

hahahaha
very hilarious
thanks for the tickle!

Answer 10

omg those are sooooo funny to bad most people ARE that stupid!

Answer 11

bah