BF's co-worker's Father's Wake... should I go?

Question

I just found out that my BF's Co-worker's father passed away. He and his buddies from work are intending to go to the wake tonight. When I found this out, I immediately offered to go with him for moral support, as he has never been to a wake before. I have been to many wakes and have experience in what is expected, whereas my BF does not.

He told me that one of his buddies from work sent out an email about the wake and (as far as I can tell) it is his assumption that it is just his buddies going to the wake. I tried to explain to him that usually in these situations, significant others are usually expected to attend. He continued to refuse my offer, making it seem as if I could not go because I was not invited.

It's hard enough going to a wake when you have experience, but my BF has no experience. I've offered my support to him, but he thinks he knows what will go on. Do I let him just crash and burn - or do I try and convince him to let me go with him for moral support?

Answer 1

I would try to convince him to take you. It would be nice to have as much support as possible for your boyfriend and his mourning co-worker. It felt great that so many people showed up at my mom's funeral to support my sister and I. However, if your boyfriend really doesn't want you to go, I wouldn't try to force it. Are you friends with any of his other work buddies? Maybe you could find out if any of them are bringing their significant others. Best wishes to all of you.

Answer 2

Actually, I think your BF has made the proper call on this issue. He will be attending with other co-workers, and is his co-worker's father who has passed away. He is there to support his co-worker.

If it were, on the other hand, a co-worker of your BF who passed away, instead of his father, then I would say the situation was close enough that you would definitely need to go for moral support. Even if it is not someone with whom you are particularly close, when you lose someone you worked with on a daily basis it is a reminder of your own mortality, especially if you are similar in age to the other worker.

I seriously doubt that your BF will "crash and burn." It's pretty easy to assess from others around you the appropriate behavior at these events, and it sounds like he is already exercising some courtesy. After all, if everyone who knew a family member but not the deceased also brought someone along for "moral support," the event could become quite crowded.

For ettiquette, I think your BF is headed in the right direction on this one.

Answer 3

What makes you think he is going to "crash and burn" over a co-worker's father? He probably didn't even know the deceased but is going to the wake to support his co-worker. You're saying the support needs support. I doubt it.

Significant others of the family of the deceased may attend, but significant others of friends of relatives of the deceased is carrying it way too far. Step back and let your boyfriend support his friend in his time of grief. He's a big boy, he can handle it.

Answer 4

Why would you want to go to a wake of someone you do not even know? Let your bf go with the other co-workers and be done with it.

Answer 5

On an place of work card, in basic terms signal it. you would say "Sorry on your undesirable loss", yet maximum individuals in basic terms signal it. there is little you'll say at that consider yet another's existence. the truth that folk care sufficient to signal the cardboard is extremely the most acceptable you may do.

Answer 6

I'm assumming that you don't know the dearly departed. If you don't know them then don't go.I'm sure your bf will do just fine at this wake with his buddies

Answer 7

I think he's made it pretty plain he wants to go with his buddies. I'd back down.

Answer 8

I would leave it alone, but follow him and make sure that's where he's going.