Ok this is an interesting dilemma. My man out of the clear blue sky asked me what shape of stone I liked. I said I wasn't fussy but preferred square or round and not marquise. He hasn't asked me about size but he's said he doesn't believe in spending all kinds of money on a ring. he thinks its stupid. I've been married twice before. Both of my rings were over 1 ct. in size. I love my man and know I want to say yes already but I hate to see him spend all kinds of money on a ring I know Im going to dislike. He doesn't even want me to help him pick it out because he says "he wants it to be a surprise" because its the surprise that counts. Well today I did the absolute taboo thing. I told him I didnt care if it was a regular band because I'd rather wear a plain band than wear an engagement ring I wasn't going to like at all. He said it hurt his feelings but I told him it wasn't meant that way. It was me who has to wear it the rest of my life. If the guy walks, he walks. I love him
2006-09-07 08:41:04 · 32 answers · asked by sweetypie9 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
and will marry him anyway. Doesnt matter what the ring is. But if I dont like the ring Im not wearing it and I wanted him to know it right from the start. Embarassment just isn't one of my strong suits and I hate to see this guy spend all kinds of money on something dinky thats worth crap. I've tried pointing him to bluenile.com but he says he's not going to look on the internet. Did I do the right or wrong thing? I'm not selfish, I could care less if we just got married with regular old bands and nothing else! He says he's definitely getting an engagement ring but he's scaring the living daylights out of me with concern to my having to wear something I won't like. There really is no tactful way to say at the time "i hate the ring but I want to marry you because I love you". He said in that case why bother buy one at all? I havent even seen what he would choose but just by hearing him talk about how little he would spend makes me feel cheap. Has anyone else ever felt this way?
2006-09-07 08:44:59 · update #1
No offense but yout track record isnt very good with marriage. You arent wearing ring number one or ring number two for the rest of your life so why are you so worried about ring number three? You need to be focused more on the marriage and relationship. Who cares what the ring looks like? You obviously had two nice rings before and ended up with ugly marriages. I dont know you and have no idea what you base a relationship off of and what happened before to cause you to divorce. I do know this though that if you dont mean until death do you part and you dont have the ability to stick when things are at the worst then marriage probably isnt the best route for you. Think about what you really want and are capable of giving in a relationship.
2006-09-07 08:47:34 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah J 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
If you are planning on proposing to that special someone then you have a big decision ahead of you. There is always a bit of nervousness that comes with this life changing event and that is completely normal. You want everything to be perfect and above all else, you need the timing to work with the big question. But in order to do this you need the perfect engagement ring. This can be some tricky business for those that have not ventured into this realm before and it is hard to trust the work on commission sales clerks at the jewelry store to say the least. There are a few rules of thumb that you should follow to make the process a bit easier.
The perfect engagement ring should cost an equal amount to three months salary. This may sound like a bit much but that is the way that it has been for quite a while now. This comes from the diamond cartels that control the market and they know how to price a diamond. So in essence, if you make $1000 a month then the engagement ring that you select should cost around $3000. Of course you should always go with what you can afford and it is not a good idea to go into a marriage with a huge credit card bill from the purchase, so make a responsible decision but remember that this is a one time deal.
The perfect engagement ring should also reflect upon the person wearing it as well. If the person that you are purchasing it for prefers gold then you should not go with silver or platinum. You do not want something that will stand out or look bad on the persons finger to say the least. Also you want to make sure that the quality of the metal is good. There are some handsome looking rings floating around that are actually poorly made and the last thing that you want is some thing that will fall apart before the big day.
Be very aware of the cut and clarity of the stone. The size does not matter as much as the quality of the diamond in question. If you have a large stone that is extremely flawed then you have one of the worst bargains in the world. Make sure that you are getting only the best quality for the money that you are spending.
2006-09-10 07:36:21 · answer #2 · answered by johnzy_08 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If possible, why don't you tell him you'd rather just have a plain wedding band for right now, and you want your diamond later--say for your first anniversary? By that time, it will be appropriate for you to have more of a hand in selecting the ring.
You may sound a bit selfish, but if he has the money to buy you a moderately priced ring and is just refusing to because he's being cheap--that's pretty selfish too! It doesn't matter if he thinks it's stupid. He just doesn't get it! This is a big, one-time gift and he should spend whatever he can afford on it. And that should be good enough for you.
Diamonds are wonderful in that you can get a bigger diamond for cheaper if you don't mind sacrificing a bit of clarity. You can have a huge flashy ring and no one will notice it isn't quite as clear as it could be. Most rings don't look so clear anyway after they've been worn a few months! You're right--you do have to wear it forever, and you ought to like it. It'd be horrible to spend the best years of your life trying to get used to an ugly ring. He needs to take your suggestions to heart when he selects your ring.
Good luck and I hope you end up with one you like!
2006-09-07 14:20:05 · answer #3 · answered by Jenny Alice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to be important to him that he get you a ring. And you're basically telling him that he has to get you an expensive ring or none at all? Of course he is upset!
He asked you about shape, and I think that's the only legit comment you can contribute to his decision of what to buy you. It is a GIFT-- you don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
I don't care if he comes back and gives you the most horrid looking ring ever. The point is not the style-- it is the sentiment. You should wear it proudly. Anyways, engagements are only temporary-- you can switch to only wearing your wedding band after the wedding and put the engagement ring away for safekeeping. So even if you dislike his choice THAT much you only have to wear it for a little while.
2006-09-07 18:26:29 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why his feelings were hurt. He's really excited about getting you the perfect ring. Picking out an engagement ring is very exciting and personal. I'm sure, he won't get you something you dislike, if he's already asked for your opinion. Why don't you suggest getting matching bands? What would you have done if he didn't ask for your opinion and he surprised you with a ring that you didn't like? I doubt you would give it back. That would be very shallow. The ring is a gift. You don't get to say whether you hate it or like it. You just accept it. Hey, if you really don't like it, don't tell him. On your 10 year anniversary, you can get a new ring.
2006-09-07 08:50:10 · answer #5 · answered by Miss Jay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right to a point. He is the one buying the ring so you have to trust him a little bit to pick it out. Maybe stress that you like something very very plain. Thats what I did. I am a very picky person and was very afraid of what my now husband was going to pick out for me, he would not let me help him pick it out. But I am the person who is going to wear it for the rest of my life right? You said it yourself. So you have every right to like it. And if you don't you will look at it every day and think about what it could have been. I look at my ring like that. It is very big but I only wanted a single stone. He didn't know when he bought my ring that it is known as an anniversary ring because of the three round stones. I would never tell him that I want something else though. NEVER. I make him feel like the king of the world for picking out the best ring but I feel....
2006-09-07 11:13:05 · answer #6 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So basically, you won't like the ring if it's "something dinky thats worth crap" and so you won't wear it if it isn't as least as good as the rings you got from your other husbands.
In case you didn't notice, though, the size of those rings didn't indicate anything about the longevity of those marriages. I hope you gain some real perspective about what really matters rather than continue to be petty and vain about the ring.
2006-09-07 09:08:39 · answer #7 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are really contradicting yourself. If you love this person and say the ring band doesn't matter than why are so worried about being embarrassed by it? You do seem selfish, I'm sorry to say. Love the man for him and forget about the ring. Be happy you found someone else after your other marriages didn't turn out so well.
2006-09-07 14:57:17 · answer #8 · answered by Annie One 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The question should be : Is he sure he should be marrying you??
After all, this is #3 for you, right?? A ring at this point after 2 previous marriages really should not matter one bit.
Take whatever kind of ring he gives you and be happy someone else is willing to take a chance on you.
sorry, but if you love him, the ring should not matter. Good luck on this marriage, hope it works out. If it doesn't, it must be YOU!!
2006-09-07 10:37:11 · answer #9 · answered by geminisista 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not to be offensive but you can kind of see why you've been married a few times already. You're taking a lot for granted just in the simple text story. He's trying to surprise you and do something nice, reguardless of whether it's appealing to you or not. You should be grateful he loves you and wear whatever it is, whether its a "Quarter machine" ring or a diamond engagement ring, or somewhere right in the middle. Be happy you're in love and wear it with pride........most people search their whole lives but never find someone who they really love......so be happy that the bond is more important to him than something as trivial as a "fashion accessory".
2006-09-07 08:50:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋