I am really confused need some serious advice!?

Question

To start with,I have just graduated and working for good company
with a decent payscale
Everday when I return home from work..its war.
My mom and dad always quarrel and fight among themself's..
I have to patch things up all the time,At times I work for 12 hours straight and come home ,try to stop thier fighting and cook the dinner.
Nowadays its getting really worse,My dad who is 60 yrs old is getting more short-tempered and scolds me and my mom most of the time for some reason or the other,
I try to avoid fights keeping in mind that my dad is old and a heart patient too.
I have no problem with my mom(59) but she at times starts
complaning about my dad and talks for hours on end about him !
Which sometimes gets on my nerves.
I have managed for a few years now,But today my mom told me one fact that got me really scared..My mom said that my dad once kicked me repediatly with his boots when I was around 6 yrs old!
I am really confused what to do and dont want to leave them!

Answer 1

WOW...boy did you say a lot. First off...you need your own place. Second...you can't let what your mother had told you about what your dad did to you affect the relationship you have with him. Apparently you didn't even remember what happened which doesn't mean that it shouldn't bother you now, but sounds to me like your father is a very abusive man and your mother put up with his crap all of this time and even stayed with him after he did what he had done to you as a child. I feel she is really the one to blame because as a mother myself I would never let anyone hurt my child or me. I also feel she is only telling you this now because you have become apart of their war. Now she is given you some ammunition to join the fight that she has allowed herself to endure for so many years. By you constantly getting involved you have become apart of their ongoing misery. Your mother could have told you this a long time ago. She is telling you this now so you can be on her team.

Bottom line...get your own place. They chose to live this miserable marriage (if that is what you want to call a marriage). Your are a grown man and deserve some peace especially when you come home from a hard day of work. Get yourself a good woman and treat her like a queen. Don't repeat the cycle!!! You never know...she just might have dinner waiting on you when you come home insead of you having to cook.

GOOD LUCK...

Answer 2

I think first and foremost, you should definitely find another place to live if you can afford it. You should not be in the middle of your parents' quarrels and your mom should certainly not be coming to you for a shoulder to cry on. If your dad did what she claims he did, you would probably have a vivid memory of that unless you blocked it. Either way, you are in a bad position and need to remove yourself from the situation before you grow resentful towards them both.

Answer 3

You, need to maybe think about getting your own place. The arguments, that your parents are having are their problems, not yours.You shouldnt have to be in the middle of their problems, anymore. I know that it will be hard to leave, but, you have to for your own good. If you leave you can always, call your mom, or go over after work sometimes, to see if she is ok. In the long run, this is going to affect you.

Answer 4

Is it correct that you are an adult and there are no other younger (minor) children in the house?

If so, my advise to you is to leave the house.

You are not responsible for your parents - in fact, they are responsible for themselves. If they want to get help, they will. The fact they have not shows that they do not want to, or they don't care to resolve the situation. That is their choice.

Sadly, there is NOTHING you can do to resolve this situation as you can not change adults when they don't want to. You should really recognize this fact.

You can suggest counseling and even tell them you'll go with them, but when they refuse, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do.

Knowing this, you should consider being on your own to save yourself from needless pain.

Answer 5

This is they're issue...your old enough now that you don't have to surround yourself with this all the time...move out...get your own place...tell your mom she can do the same...your dad has heart problems, he's not stupid, he can but chooses not to control himself and its not fair to you or your mother...your mother does not need to make things worse by complaining to you about your own father...because that is still your father...so let her know to try and keep things to the now and not the before...if she doesn't like the situation so much she can leave....stop taking adult responibility for your parents they are adults and have made their own decisions...start thinking what is best for you and your future. they should understand because most parents want whats best for their kids....

Answer 6

Sometimes the best thing to do is to move out. Once you are living on your own, it's easier for your parents to recognize you as an adult, rather than a child. It'll be much better for you, and in the long run, I bet it'd be better for them as well. Just make sure you stay in touch with them. Bring 'em groceries every now and then, show them you love them, but you are an adult, and they need to recognize you as one.

Answer 7

If you don't remember being boot kicked at the age of 6, it probably didn't happen.

You need to save up and get your own place and leave the two of them to duke it out between themselves.

Answer 8

well for 1 at ur age u should be out on ur own , not livin at mommy and daddys, second stop, being a go between, or referee, let em argue, its good to argue, ,, its not ur buisnesss, and as i tell my kids if u dont like what u hear then get out of MY house,,,

Answer 9

i know you said you do not want to leave them, but it is not healthy for you to be in this situation... you are all adults and you should be able to come home from work and live in a peacful enviornment. it really it not your place to have to stop your parents from fighting... they are like i said adults and they can handle fights on their own...

Answer 10

I think it is time you leave them!!!! You have graduated...find your own place to live. Are you planning on living with your parents until you are 50?