She is forced to use my last name in regards to school and doctor visits, but I see on some of the bills she has sent me for things such as gymnastics that she is using her new last name. She thinks this is acceptable and can't understand why I'm hurt and upset about this. He lives about 1000 miles from me, but I still see him every 6-8 weeks and have him during the summer.
Am I wrong for having a problem with this?
2006-09-07 08:23:01 · 21 answers · asked by Kris 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He is 9 years old.
Why did she divorce me? It was the other way around. She was having an affair with her boss.
2006-09-09 15:32:12 · update #1
I am remarried as well and have zero problems with him being with her. He and I talked and he was torn between being with me or moving with her. The judge would not have allowed her to move without my approval as all of his family leaves within 20 miles of my home. Like I said, he was torn and I hated seeing that and told him it was okay to tell me if he wanted to move with his mom. Once he told me he did, I took steps to assure that he would be flown here every 6-8 weeks and all holidays. He was happy with that... I was okay (but really torn up inside). From my point of view, she has him. Why do anything else to hurt me? If we could just go by the agreement she and I signed, things would be fine. Anyway, I had my attorney send her attorney a letter explaining that what she was doing is wrong according to state law and if she continues to do so, then we will return it to the courts. Thanks for all the answers.
2006-09-09 15:40:06 · update #2
I think you are NOT wrong in this.
It sends a very negative message to YOUR SON.
If she wants to call him by a new last name, she should go to court and petition to change it legally, and she will need a good reason to do so.
Further, I think the new husband should object as well.
She doesn't sound like a very nice person, this ex of yours.
Half Hour Later: Looks like some disgruntled ex wife came along and gave everyone negative thumbs. Women are such bitches sometimes
2006-09-07 08:26:46 · answer #1 · answered by Clarkie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can totally understand how you feel. For starters.. this is your son and therefore, he should have your name. You wife using her new name is for her use only. The man she married, married her not your son. It's really sad, because again when two people separate, and there are kids involved.. The best thing to do is assure the kids that the only that has changed is the living status. Mommy is still the same mommy and daddy is the same daddy.. But in your case.. She made a change and now wants to change the identity of your son..not sure how old your son is, but if he is within of age to make some decisions, then he should let her know that he is still the same young boy that he was before she remarried..
2006-09-07 15:29:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you are not wrong having a problem with this, especially if you have not agreed to an adoption. I would guess she's doing this because it's simply more convenient for things like gymnastics etc, because different names in one family can be awkward or confusing for other people, On the other hand this could also be really awkward to your son, if he has to answer to people by someone else's name, like if the gymnastics coach addresses him by his stepfather's name, which in turn could also cause confusion with other kids, who may even make fun of him. So this may be convenient to your ex, this is not a good idea for your son, even if it didn't bother you.
2006-09-07 15:54:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When the boy applies for college, they will look at an "activity list" of all his extra curricular activities. This carries a lot of weight these days with admission officers.
If things like volunteer work, club membership, gymnastics, etc, are not recorded under his legal name, it will be very hard to prove his participation.
If she won't see reason, tell the judge that, for this reason, she is in substantial violation of the custody agreement.
2006-09-07 15:29:44 · answer #4 · answered by Jay 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong for having a problem with this. She should use the correct last name as not to confuse the child. She is sick and the man she married is sick too to allow her to do such a warped thing.
2006-09-07 15:40:36 · answer #5 · answered by sweedima 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are entitled to feel anyway that you want. I do not agree with using the new husbands last name to replace your last name. But the only thing I can say to you is to leave it be because there is nothing you can do really. So move on
2006-09-07 15:42:53 · answer #6 · answered by babymomma 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it might NOT be her intentional doing.
When she signs him up for things, the form might not have a separate space for her last name and his, or the folks she is dealing with might ASSUME he has the same last name as hers. it she is probably tired of having to correct people and explain it. He is STILL your son. And a name is just a name.
If she hasn't had it legally changed by a court of law, then your son still has YOUR last name. If his step-father has made efforts to adopt him, that would legally change his name. And as he gets older - he may wish to legally change it himself, as the double name thing might be hard for him to understand and HE might get sick of explaining it to his friends and teachers, etc.
2006-09-07 16:09:44 · answer #7 · answered by KB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all I can say is that you should be happy you are no longer with her. She is confusing the kid and using the kid to get at you. My ex wife dioes the same and though my kids are older, she still tells them stuff that never happened. Men don't do this but women are all the same it seems to me. I'm afraid you have to pray for your son and for her. Maybe she will lose the viciousness someday.
I'm still waiting for mine to....4 years.
Maybe you could tell her that she is hurting your kid more than she is hurting you and maybe she will see it that way. But, don't hold your breath.
2006-09-07 15:38:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old is your son? Does he get a vote in this? Maybe the other guy is more of a father to the boy than you are and so he's OK with using the name.
2006-09-07 15:25:22 · answer #9 · answered by Kayt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope tell the ho that you aren't paying bills for some other kid, that unless the bill has your son's name on it, his LEGAL name that you don't have to pay for it.
Unless her new husband adopts him the name doesn't change. And I am sure you would never let that happen.
Right? Good.
2006-09-07 16:02:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋