Anyone got any good jokes?

Question

i got one <2 eggs in a frying pan one said "Man its HOT in here" and the other one said "HOLY **** A TALKING EGG!"

Answer 1

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood or anything else I could think of.

But now I found out the real reason:

I'm tired because I'm overworked.

Here's why:. . .

The population of this country is 273 million.

140 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing
Osama Bin-Laden.

Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 14.8 million people who work for
state and city governments.

And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are sitting on your ***, at your computer, reading jokes.

Nice. Real nice.

Answer 2

What do you think of this,
Do you know, you'd make a wonderful fireman.
How that?
You never take your eyes off the hose.

I just bought a new suit with two pairs of pants.
Well how do you like it?
Fine, only it's too hot wearing two pairs.

Don't you know what an oyster is?
No what is it?
A fish that's built like a nut.

Answer 3

Yeh.George Bush and Tony Blair.Theres 2 for the price of 1!!

Answer 4

Whats the difference between ooooohh and aaaaahh?
About 7 inches if your lucky

Answer 5

Who would get on an airplane quicker, Lance Bass or MIchael Jordan? Lance Bass of course, his sh*t is already packed!!!

Answer 6

I GOT ONE! AND IM FROM THE MIDWEST SO I KNOW THIS ONE IS TRUE TOO.

3 INMATES ESCAPED FROM A PRISON IN TERRA HAUTE INDIANA.
ONE FROM INDIANA ONE FROM KENTUCKY AND ONE FROM MICHIGAN

SEARCH CREWS WERE SENT THEY HEARD RUSTLING IN ONE OF THE TREES SO THEY DECIDED TO CHECK IT OUT. THE GUY FROM INDIANA WAS IN THIS ONE HE SAID, THE GUARDS THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A CAT STUCK IN A TREE. THEN THE GUARDS HEARD RUSTLING IN A SECOND TREE. THE GUY FROM MICHIGAN WAS IN THIS ONE HE SAID, THE GUARDS THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A BIRD, AND FINNALLY THEY HEARD RUSTLING IN A THIRD TREE. THIS OBVIOUSLY HAD TO BE THE GUY FROM KENTUCKY. HE SAID.....



IF YOU COME UP WITH ANY GOOD ONES eMAIL ME AT [e-mail]