is it bad for a depresed parent to raise a child?

Question

i think so. my mother is always depresser and engery and thus i think she should not have been able to raise me. as a child we look up to our parents and imatate them and i think it was a bad idea for me to end up like her. i am trying to change ofcourse but the more i see her i cant help be feel dislike for her. whst do you think.

fell free to call me an a$$ but at least i am being honest and no she does not know i feel this way.

damn it! i see all my spelling misstakes after i post...bloody hell! lol

Answer 1

I think your mom needs a good therapist and it might help you to see one too. I've suffered from depression on and off for years and I could see how it could mess a kid up. You might want to see a therapist to help with the resentment you have for you mom. I've been seeing a really good one and she's helped me alot. I hope someday when I have kids I don't mess them up.

Answer 2

Excuse me, but Depression is a treatable condition. Good meds, good counseling and family support make a world of difference.
Its unfortunate that your mother suffers from depression but instead of condemning her why aren't you seeking ways to educate yourself so you can help her AND yourself?
People cannot help being depressed and often times it doesn't even show up until after a person has had children.

My husband suffers from depression. After he was diagnosed his parents realized that they, too, suffer from depression as well as his sister. They take meds and simply REALIZING what the problem is actually helps. Its the feeling of helplessness that comes along with it and realizing that those around us might not understand that they cannot help how they feel a great deal of them time that can put people into such a downward spiral that they might do something drastic.
It sounds like your mother needs your understanding and tolerance, not your judgment. Besides, depression isn't a LEARNED behavior. If you find yourself following in her footsteps and aren't able to change perhaps YOU should be evaluated for depression also.
You don't say if your mother has actually been diagnosed by a doctor or if this is just your observation. If its simply your observation that she is depressed and angry (which anger can be a symptom of depression) but she has never actually sought medical help then perhaps you can be proactive in encouraging her to get help.
You also don't say how old you are. Do you have children of yourself? You will find that when the time comes to have children, you will make many mistakes. You will hope that your children will forgive you for those mistakes and not hold them all against you.

Forgive your mother for her depression and anger. She cannot help how she feels, especially if she is not getting any help. Educate yourself so that you don't keep holding onto this anger. Its not helpful to you or her. Move on and grow beyond the difficulties of your childhood. As someone who had a pretty horrendous one, I can tell you that you have the choice to hold on to your anger or to live beyond it.

I certainly hope that you learn to live beyond it and can help your mother. Remember. She IS your MOTHER!

Goddess Bless you and your Mother. I hope things get better for you both!

Answer 3

I think its bad for kids to see illness period. Kids immitate. And you are right they look up to thier parents as protectors and guardians. An ill parent isnt able to properly "cope" with the troubles of raising a child. I dont blame you for feeling the way you do , and you shouldnt blame your mother either really....there comes a point when non-depressed people just dont get it....myself included. We all have our breaking points were we are like f**k it get up and do something its not that damn bed. Ive said it before to a depressed person not caring how callous it sounded. I honestly didnt see the reason for the depression. We all lose patience and no childs should be tested to that extent EVER. The parent is supposed to be the responsible one and realize if they have issues they NEED to deal with them for thier own safety ans well as the safety and welfare of said child.

The best I can offer you mate is dont hold the resentment too close, or it will eat you alive. TRY ...key word TRY to talk to your Mam about this it probably wont help ...Ask her to try seeking help. If it doesnt work learn as much as you can about depression and realize from that ...that we all arent perfect and theres nothing you can do.
Remember you will always lose your temper and your patience will always be tested be strong thats all you can do. lastly never feel guilty about losing your patience ....people can only take so much. I can imagine if youve been dealing with it all your life it must be pretty bad. You could try letting it go. WHen shes incapacitated for whatever reason let it go ....youll have to do for yourself but im guessing you are pretty good at that already
good luck to you

oh DONT tell her you are feeling the way you are that could deepen her depression. Make things worse for both of you.

Answer 4

I hope the "trying to change" isn't all on your own. If nothing else, talking to other children of the depressed would be a good thing for you.

Nearly everyone is messed up one way or another. As a child grows up and realizes this, and begins to understand the ways that their parents' problems affected them and still effects them, it's natural to resent the parent.

But, as you deal with stuff yourself, and gain more perspective, you may well come to understand better: she didn't choose to be depressed and thought she was doing the best she could under difficult circumstances.

I hope you come to this point of acceptance, and that you are able to avoid the worst of your mother's mistakes.

(One thing that can help with the perspective thing is to ask yourself what HER upbringing was. I know my parents did better with us than what they had gotten, so I'm better off than I could have been.)

And, no, I don't think you're an a******, either.

Answer 5

I think it is bad for a depressed person to even conceive children. It is true that if the depressed person has been under a doctor's care and has been managing his or her depression for at least five years there is no reason why the depressed person can not be an engaged, active and positive parent. The thing is, science has not yet unlocked all the genetic answers to depression. So the depressed person can not, at this time, take a genetic test to determine whether or not he or she might pass on this or that gene that would cause their offspring to have the same disorder that they have. In my state, CA, there are over 20,000 kids in foster care awaiting permanent homes. If a person who is managing depression wants to be a parent, that is great. Let him or her adopt instead of giving birth to their own and passing down those harmful genes.

People with untreated depression should not be raise children in my opinion. 36% of depressed people commit suicide before age 35. That statistic does not include those who drink themselves to death or who die due to substance-abuse-related issues. Depression is a disease and a killer disease at that. If my friend had a cancer that killed over 36% of the people who it struck before age 35 and maimed another 10 or 20%, I would greatly advise my friend against raising children until her cancer had been in remission for at least five years. And if the cancer were hereditary, I would advise her to adopt children instead of conceiving children.

Answer 6

It sucks that a depessed parent "shows signs of depression" around their children... I think everyone gets a little depressed... My kids are a HUGE reason why I even get out of bed in the morning!... Howeverrrr as a mom... I try hard and its tough to do, to cover it up... Kids dont need to knwo everything... If im weaping or upset... Then I may go into the bathroom, cry and put make up back on and come out smiling... There are days the t.v. might be on more because I just can't get in the mood to play, butttt even then "mommy always has hugs and kisses!", anddd stays alert *( not lay in bed all day )*.... Anddd no matter what they know I'll always be there for them...

Answer 7

Hello,

I too grew up with a mother who suffered from depression (actually, bipolar disorder), and it was at times difficult for all of us. I wanted my mom to go to my high school activities, but most of the time, she slept all day instead. My mother would withdraw herself, leaving my sister and I to fend emotionally for ourselves. Luckily, we were teenagers when she was really depressed, thus we were OK physically. When she went for treatment and was put on the right medication, all was well.

To answer your question, I believe that clinically depressed parents are perfectly able to raise children--as long as they are getting treated for their disorder. If the parents are not properly treated, a trusted family member or friend should consistantly check up on the kids to ensure that they are being cared for and encourage the parents to seek help. I don't think the kids can be taken away from the parents unless physical and/or severe emotional harm is imminent. In these cases, the extended family needs to be more vigilent and provide the kids with the stability their parents can't offer.

Answer 8

I was extremely depressed during my 2 year custody battle due to the stress and everything going on. I did survive it but my child failed kindergarten, I think largely due to the fact I did not spend enough time working with her. I was too depressed to take care of myself, let alone my 2 kids. I came out of my depression, (i was at the point where i was suicidal even.) I'm feeling wonderful now and am a much stronger person. I go to the gym 4 times a week, my children are thriving now!! You will get through whatever you are going through. Don't give up.

Answer 9

I think it depends on how the parent goes about their depression. I get really depressed sometimes, I don't have kids though. When I get depressed I just deal with it myself, I rarely share it with anyone, there's no reason to bring down everyone around me. I know that if I had kids and I was depressed I would put on a smile for them and do something to make them happy, which would probably cheer me up too.

Answer 10

Yeah, i think of a bad be certain can develop a great newborn. i be attentive to my mom and dad are not appropriate, yet they don't seem to be the worst obtainable the two. My boyfriend's dad is abusive, emotionally and in specific cases bodily, and my boyfriend is the absolute maximum astonishing individual i've got ever met. he's a robust individual and fairly to blame and mature for being his age. It relies upon on the be certain and the youngster, fairly, yet most of the time if a newborn has a bad be certain, which will basically push her or him to be greater effective with their life and that they would be attentive to what to no longer do whilst they have babies of their very own, such as you reported.

Answer 11

What age are you? Are you emancipated yet? If so, I would agree that providing much needed distance from her would be an emotionally healthy option for you. If she is that mentally ill, there could indeed be a part of her that uses her "illness" as a means of manipulating you and other family members.

If you are still too young to leave home, PLEASE contact your school counsellor and agree to counselling sessions to give you the coping skills and strategies to deal with this heinous situation you find yourself in.

You would not be alone. There are many adults who are only able to help themselves once they sever that tie. My husband does not know if his mother is even alive or dead, and makes no effort to find out, one way or another, and is much more content that way. Sad, but true.

Best wishes.