I do everything for her (this girl is my daughter) I have never mistreated her(just so that is clear here) and for no reason, I can be talking nice to her,and she will yell at me. She just told me this morning that she talked to her friend and friends parents, and she wants tomove in with them!!!! :( I know she is a teen, but dang! This hurts. Dad not around, does not help at all.
2006-09-07 06:45:58 · 48 answers · asked by bvet421728 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I spend a lot of time with her, we go to dinner, shopping, just hanging out in general. Her dad and I have been divorced for 7 years. She has 2 brothers who she does not get along with. No surprise there. When I say I do everything for her, I mean that I am there for her no matter what! She knows this. She is just very ugly to me, and will say anything to hurt me, no matter how nasty it is. I like the whole idea of taking the cell phone away. She would have to earn it back.
2006-09-07 07:06:31 · update #1
I can't have a boyfriend!!!!! Well I can, but she can't know, or be a part of the situation in any way. She honestly makes my life hell. I can spend every waking moment with her, and she will tell me I am not being a good parent, and that I need to spend more time with her, but on the other hand she willtell me to go away, and tell me she does not want me around. She has beenand is tested for drug use on a regular basis due to taking off one night about 3 months ago and staying all night with other teenagers at a nearby lake. All tests were negative then and still are thus far.
2006-09-07 07:15:42 · update #2
tuff love....tell her she can move out when she is 18 and until then she will live under your roof and abide by your rules. if she is sassy then punish her. my son is 15 an got mad and slammed his door, when my husband got home we took his door off and brought it to my parents, it took him about 2 days to apologize (my 4 yr old helped, couldn't keep him out w/out a door). put your foot down!
2006-09-07 06:50:50 · answer #1 · answered by sweetiepi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like there is more to this story that we are hearing. You say you do everything for her, but do you let her get her way about everything? Are you treating her more like a friend than a parent? Teenagers don't want their parents as friends, they want them as their parents, and no matter how much she says that she doesn't - she wants you to set limits with her. Having structure and limits gives kids the sense of safety and security.
There has to be more going on at home for a child to come home and say that she wants to move in with someone else's parents. If you really don't know, I suggest that you do some exploring to find out what could be causing those feelings. Is there a boyfriend or significant other around? Siblings? Is there a possibility that something has happened?
Look into it and sit down and talk to her with an OPEN mind. Listen to what she is saying, and try and figure it out. Or go to a counselor for some help in discovering why she is so angry. There is a reason, you just need to find out what it is.
Take care.
2006-09-07 06:55:45 · answer #2 · answered by just me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes
This is puberty - and for some reason girls can clash harder against their mum than anyone else - especially if the dad is not there.
Just remember that she is a child and you are an adult.
Step back when she throws a tantrum - dont show pleasure or displeasure - just like if a two year old throws a tantrum
Have a think about how you can make sure that you are calm and relaxed and set clear boundaries and consequences to her behaviour but also remember to try and give her lots of attention when she behaves well - even if it is a really small thing.
She will grow out of it.
Me and my mum clashed like hell when we were teenagers. One reason is because we are actually really similar! But now we are really close especially now we don't live together.
Just be there for her and show her how a grown up dignified woman behaves.
Also point out that living with someone requires compromise on all sides.
2006-09-07 06:52:23 · answer #3 · answered by Bebe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your daughter is a typical teenager. I can tell you around that age I did not get along with my mother either. It doesn't make it right. Now I am 23 and my mom is my best friend! Hopefully your daughter will grow out of this phase as I did. Sometimes in life we picture the grass being greener on the other side, but very rarely is this the case!
Sit down and ask her why she feels this way! She needs to have an attitude adjustment that is for sure!! Good luck!
2006-09-07 06:53:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would have to assume the first problem is the fact that there isn't a father figure around. You've probably been to easy on her and let her get her way to often. The question that comes to my mind is What's really going on? Does she think that she can talk to you about puberty and all the other stress of being a teenager? Is there a family member sexually abusing her, or even maybe a b/f of yours? Try to get her involved in some kind of activity. Maybe a church group or something. But don't give up on her... She just needs to know that she can trust you and that you're there for her. Be a parent.... Children come first...
2006-09-07 07:09:01 · answer #5 · answered by drifet_18 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her she can't move out. You are her legal guardian, and her parent. If she moves out anyways, call her in as a run away. As harsh as it sounds. Dont let her talk to you like that. You raised her, you put a roof over her head, food in her stomach, and clothes on her back.
You're in charge, not her.
Ground her. Take away the things she loves most (cell phone, iPod, you know how we teenagers are materialistic) and make her earn them back.
There is a line between being a mother and being a friend, a big bold line. You can't be both at all times. During a situation like this, you cant be a friend. She's gonna tell you she hates you, but all teenage girls hate their moms at some point or time. I can say this because I'm still a teenage girl and flip flop between hating and getting along with my mother. But you have to set her in her place. I could never treat my mom like that.
2006-09-07 06:57:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah im 19 so it wasn't too long ago when I was 15. Thats kinda normal for teens these days. Plus now days lots of parents let their kids run over them and do as they please. So other kids see that and think their parents should do the same.
Other wise they might be something going on with her that she needs to seek counseling for. Maybe she is having problems and dont know how to go about dealing with them and dont think she can talk to you about it.
Don't let her run over you cause if she does it will NOT stop. You need to let her know that what she said hurt your feelings and you are doing the best you can do. Set some rules and make her follow them. Since she is 15 you can work with her on some of the rules, like for example if you give her a curfew and its at 9 P.M and she wants to say out till 11 PM or midnight, you could meet her part way and tell her if she follows your rules and starts showing some respect then you will allow her to stay out till 10 or 10:30 PM.
She is 15 and wants to be treated more like an adult then a kid. She give her some more responsibility and make sure she knows if she wants to be treated like and adult she needs to act like one and that including showing you respect.
Good Luck!
2006-09-07 06:53:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When i was a teen I had the same problem I hated everything and everyone and the grass always seemed greener on the other side. I was horrible to my parents and sibling. I totally regret it now but back them the only thing I cared about was my friends and me. I'm sorry but the only thing that helped was time and growth through maturity. I feel for you but try not giving up on her and DO NOT let her move in with her friend that would put distance between you both. she has to know you love her and no matter what will love her.
2006-09-07 06:51:03 · answer #8 · answered by lunitari601 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question.... "I do everything for her" You are allowing your daughters poor behavior (something many parents are guilty of)... At age 15 your daughter should have been taught a minimum standard of appropriate behavior and you should be able to reason with her... Your daughters remarks are calculated to hurt that's why she said them.. Raising teenagers is like dancing with the devil, sometimes you get burned...
As for wanting to move in with her friends family, talk to the friends parents find out what your daughter has been telling them...
Decide if this is a good time to call your daughters bluff.. Pack her bags and let her move in with her friend for a trial period of 3 months having weekend visitation with you every weekend, ask the parents to treat your daughter just as they would treat thiers giving her chores, punishing her wrong doing, ect.. ... (If it's ok with the friends parents and you feel the parents will show your daughter that live isn't prefect at thier house either...)
Right now your daughter has what I call "The grass is greener syndrome" my son went through this stage when he thought he would have it so much better living with his biological father instead of me... So my son lived for 1 year with his father when my son arrived back home he was a changed boy he no longer said things like "My dad wouldn't do that.." and "My dad is alot more fun than you." Turns out the grass was not any greener at his dad's house and visiting for a month in the summer was alot different than living there full time....
2006-09-07 06:59:54 · answer #9 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to put your foot down, Don't give her her own way and let her know that you are the boss here.
Maybe she's wanting a father figure around and she could also be influenced by her friend and her life style hence the reason why she wants to move in with her. Spend some quality time with her get in her head and find out how she feels and what's going on in her life, seems like all she wants is attention so then why not give her that.
Be very very patient with her...But don't allow her to cross the line and get too big with you...
2006-09-07 06:57:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to my club. I call it "The Hallowed Society of Being a Parent to A Teenage Girl".
Seriously, keep you cool, and things will pass. I also have a 15 year old, and there are days we don't say word one to each other. Does it break my heart? Yes, but I know that in time, she will be ok. At 15, they have so many pressures on them (School, social, puberty, etc), that they have to lash out somewhere. Home is, in a teens mind, the safest place to do that, as they know, deep down, you will love them anyway. At least she's being a b***h to you, and not out releasing negative energy in a non-positive way (like drugs or crime).
2006-09-07 06:51:44 · answer #11 · answered by ffxi_minizilla 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋