everyone says to leave her, but what you all dont know is?

Question

i just asked a question about my girlfriend cheating on me and everyone said to leave her. what none of you understand is that its not that easy and simple. first off i dont want to leave her. second i was in iraq so i know she just did it because she was lonely the second time and the first time was just a mistake.

Answer 1

I read and answered your first question. My response here is the same. I'm not trying to suggest it's 'easy' to up and leave the one you've been with and have cared for for such a long time. I'm not trying to say it's easy at all. I know it'll be hard. It needs to be done though. Next is that it 'is' as simple as we all said it was. (Leaving her) There may be more to the story, but at the core of this story is her still cheating on you multiple times. Maybe I'm reaching too much here, but I'm guessing that you caught her in the act after you came back from Iraq which would suggest that this was an on going relationship with another guy. The first time was a mistake? Ya, I'm sure she said it was. Just like the next time will be a mistake. So on and so on. I get that you don't want to leave her. I really do. I'm not here trying to tell you what you 'want' to do though. I'm here trying to tell you what you (in my opinion) 'need' to do. You were lonely in Iraq. She was lonely here back home. If she wasn't up for being lonely and waiting on you, then she should have told you and broke things off with you 'before' she even considered developing another relationship with someone. Face it. This woman will bring you nothing but heart break and pain. The problem is that you 'love' her too much to see that right now. You will though.

Answer 2

I understand what do you mean, and I am really full of mediocre crab and people living in 15-th century. This is the time when social behavior is adjusting to HUMAN needs. I live with the same thoughts for more than 15 years and nobody has ever even think of me as somebody "pervert", on the contrary. If you understand eachother even on tricky social issues don't leave her, she hasn't bonded with another man so now to have second thoughts about you. She is young, she did what her body and spirit spontaneously did, and actually thats why you love her.
Don't leave her, just be assured that there will be no "excursions" when you are here. (In fact, it isn't forbidden threesome, etc, but just for sex). When the cheating is ONLY about sex (or sometimes, maybe friendship) it doesn't matter. Your muttual soul bond is what matters. I find more and more people living in 21 century, and the others... Let them live with their standards. Make your own standards and influence your "environment". Live here and NOW! But plan the future in which you'll be happy with who you are and what you did. If you leave her, you'll be unhappy. If you stay with her, some people might judge you, but they don't mind their bussines and stick their noses where they should not. Be yourself. (Save the departures of your mind and soul when you'll have to train kids on anything! :-) )

Answer 3

I agree with the first person who answered this question. It's not easy to leave a relationship. But sometimes you have to make tough choices. There's no sure-fire way to "rebuild" the trust - especially if the "mistake" keeps happening over and over again. You have to face the fact that your g/f is not committed to this relationship as much as you wish her to be. It's possible to be in love with the person who is acting in ways to hurt us - one way to overcome it would be to leave the relationship, lick your wounds, learn your lessons, and look for love again. Another way would be to stay, accept the other person's shortcomings, and be prepared for the same thing to happen again, and again. If someone has done it twice in two years, the likelyhood of it happening again is very high. The odds are against you here. If you're willing to compromise on it, then just accept her the way she is since it probably won't change anyway.

Answer 4

Well she'll keep doing it....don't you see......you can continue the relationship and be blind and not notice the signs or find a girl that truley loves you and can live without sex while your gone. Just because your not around doesn't give her a reason for her actions there is porn and toys out there that can be just as fun as a person you could have been killed and while your bleeding to death under a tree she is haveing hot and sweating sex with some man....Is that really how you want it to be? Think about it yourself what did you do in Iraq could you not wait to get home and see her or where you ******* every woman over there because you were lonley? I think you need some time alone to figure out what your needs in life are and who you want to share them with!!

Answer 5

I read through all the posts. Look... I understand your situation -- there were circumstances. I agree with most of the posts, that it doesn't condone her actions. I'd want my girl to wait for me.

Having said that, I think that for you to move forward really depends on whether you all trust each other. Trust is not given... it is earned. She needs to earn your trust again -- otherwise, you have no foundation for a relationship. MAKE SURE you let her know that you were disappointed, but that you would like to try to move past this incident. In time, you will either be able to to forgive her (meaning -- let it go completely) or you won't. And at that point, you made a sincere effort to work it out and can live with your situation with no regrets.

Answer 6

My bf is far away. It gets lonely. I STILL don't cheat. She made a choice. First time, a mistake, ok I can KINDA buy that one. The second time was a conscious decision she made to do something that she KNEW from prior experience would hurt you. You don't want to leave her, fine, but don't complain when she cheats again. You allow it. You even make excuses for it.

Answer 7

Sounds like you just don't want the advice people have given you. Don't ask a question if you don't want to listen to the answer. We can't agree if we don't. She cheated, plain and simple. Why would a woman cheat on a man who's serving our country? You sound like you just want the forum to forgive her, but she doesn't need our forgiveness...that's for you to do. When she cheats yet again, what excuse will you give her? Get used to the fact that she's going to dump on you and you are going to take it. I wish you could see, but one day you will and I hope she hasn't hurt you too much by then. You deserve better....you sound like a nice guy.

Answer 8

I understand it's not easy, but you are being way to lenient in this situation. I know plenty of soldiers and their wives/girlfriends. There is no such thing as being "lonely". If there is love there, then that should overcome any temptation. Secondly, a mistake? How is cheating on someone you love a mistake? Was she raped, drugged?

Answer 9

You aren't showing up as a very strong man. I hope you know that she is going to continue to cheat on you because you are not giving her what she needs. Do you want to continue living under those conditions? Some people like having mates that sleep around on them, but not too many.

Why do you want to stay with her? Do you love her? Do you realize that sex is not love? Are you addicted to her? Do you realize that men shouldn't make important decisions when they are 'emotional?'

Don't ask the question if you don't want the answer.

PF

Answer 10

If you are willing to make excuses for her actions then you deserve what you get. It makes it even worse that you out there fighting, could have cost you your life and she's back at home getting laid while she's telling you she loves you. Of course it's not easy ending a relationship, but if you are not willing to be a strong man and step up to do what's right...don't complain.