My husband is suffering from some type of mental disorder, I think it's bipolar, but I am not a Doctor. I can't get my husband to admitt to a problem, he thinks the whole world is against him, and especially me, he blames me for his drinking, his violent destructive behavior, In his eyes I am the devil. We have three children 13,7,and 2. I am now starting to fear him, and I am starting to give up. We have been married 9 years, and I don't want him to suffer anymore, but he refuses that there is a problem. How can there not be a problem, when he is starting to threaten my life? I am scared to leave, because he has taken all my resourses away, but I am scared to stay, cause now I feel that I am in danger, please help me.... I love him and want him to be healthy, not for myself or children, simply for himself. Nothing I can say or do, will make him change his mindabout getting help or talking to someone, he says that mental illness is a conspiracy the government made up to control peop
2006-09-07 05:50:20 · 25 answers · asked by scared mom 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
It's not about him vs you. It's about you protecting your children. Get them out now! Sounds like if he's drinking alot he's an alcoholic. It'll really mess with a person's moods & personality.
Call a women's shelter. They have counselors who can guide you. Also talk to a AA counslor. Consider going to a AA meeting for friends/family of alcoholics.
Start a "rainy day" fund he doesn't need to know about. Put cash somewhere and add to it each week.
Fact is he will NOT change until he's ready to. He may stay in denial for years. Protect your kids (and yourself)... and don't feel bad for leaving.
2006-09-07 05:54:29 · answer #1 · answered by Funchy 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It sounds much like schizophrenia. Paranoid behavior, destrucive behavor, and violent behavior are all symptoms.
The problem is, you cannot help someone if they don't want or recognize that they need help. It is sad, but true. If he cannot accept that he needs help, then there is no helping him.
I know he's the father of your children and you love him very much, but think about what your childrens' lives would be like without you. They need their mother just as much, if not more, than their father right now. If he is threatening your life, you should leave.
There are women's shelters out there for women just like you. They take in women and children with no questions asked. Just look around on the net, but don't tell anyone where you are going. Just go.
Sometimes, major changes in the environment around them will cause people to rethink their behavior. Maybe if you leave, your husband will realize that he needs help. You don't have to leave forever, but you can't sit back and do nothing.
Be careful and good luck.
2006-09-07 05:59:32 · answer #2 · answered by nmtgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is suffering from severe mental illness, whether or not it is called bipolar or schizophrenia is irrelevent to the issue.
You should distance yourself and your children, physically, mentally and emotionally. Call the nearest women's shelter and arrange for a swift exit, when he is not there. At that point you have some bargaining power to force him into treatment if he desires having you to control again. Personally, I know you will be better off without that toxic person in your life, most importantly for the sake of your children and their continued emotionally and physically safe childhood years.
You will be financially strapped for some time, but it will be very worth it in the long run.
Love will turn to hate when he harms one of the children, don't let it get to that point. When you have been out a while you will realize what you feel is not nurturing, altruistic love...you want to save him and you can't.
2006-09-07 05:56:57 · answer #3 · answered by finaldx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEITHER. You help your children stay safe, lead healthy, normal lives by getting them the heck up out of there. You said it yourself, nothing you say is going to change his mind. So how is staying going to help him? If you leave and file for a divorce, he may be forced to get the help he needs anyway.
If he wants to see the children an attorney can argue that he is not mentally stable and is dangerous to have around the kids and can force a mental evaluation before contact is allowed between him and the children. If the mental evaluation shows he has a disorder that left untreated can cuase him to harm the kids, he will basically be told to get medicated or give up visitation and/or custody rights.
Sure it sounds extreme and harsh, and i am certainly not suggesting you use your children as pawns, i am simply urging you to do what you need to do to keep them out of harms way. If you love him as you say you do, what is more important, you being with him and him staying unstable or you not being able to be with him but him receiving the help he needs?
2006-09-07 06:02:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe by you leaving will open up his eyes and make him realize that there is some sort of problem he needs to get under control. You know...the whole "you don't know what you had until it's gone" theory. If he's threatening your life, then you need to find a way to go. Easier said than done, huh? You've tried and tried to help him fix his problem, it's not working so now it's time to fix your problem. Your kids don't need to see or hear this either. Before you know it, your husband will be sitting in the basement with aluminum foil over his head so "they" can't read his mind.....lol sorry, just trying to make light of the subject. You know what you need to do sister....it's hard cuz you love him, but the children need a stable father, and they're not going to have one til he realizes he needs help.
2006-09-07 05:56:32 · answer #5 · answered by Shell_Lynn99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's having delusions, threatening your life, this is very serious. If he can't or won't admit there's a problem then that's sad, but it is a problem for you and you have to do something about it. If you really think he might hurt himself or someone else you can go to a doctor and ask about having him hospitalized, but more importantly you need to do whatever you need to do to feel that you and your children are safe, if that means leaving right now maybe you should. Consider the possibility that he may never confront the problem and you may have to leave him forever. Easy sure doesn't enter into grown-up life... good luck.
2006-09-07 05:59:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a sad situation. It is obvious from your question that you are in a n intolerable situation. I'm not a doctor myself, but my advice for you would be:
you have children and yourself to think about. Get out, and get help for your husband AFTER you are in a safe position. At the moment it seems you are at risk. Don't give up.
If you don't move out (temporarily, I am not suggesting you leave your husband) the situation will only get worse. Stay with your folks.
Your husband, drinking? violent destructive behaviour...
YOU need help and fast.
Look after ourself first. There is no point trying to help someone who will not admit there is a problem. If you are a devil in his eyes, well... look after yourself. There are the children to think about.
You are not without resources. He made you think that. Believe me, there are people out there who would be delighted to help you and your family.
It is not you against him. It is you against the illness.
Good luck, I wish you the best.
2006-09-07 05:57:49 · answer #7 · answered by Balaboo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a doctor either, but I have a cousin who went through this. It turns out he had Schizophrenia. He thought everyone was against him and was just in a total different reality. It can be controlled with medication, but the hard part is getting to that point. Maybe you could get him involuntarily committed for up to 72 hours..they can assess him and his/your safety. I would contact your local law enforcement and department of health and human services. OR contact a local mental health professional. The time to act is now.
2006-09-07 07:10:54 · answer #8 · answered by Ralley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband is MY husband! LOL! I am going through the EXACT same thing right now. My husband is swinging from intense highs to raving lunatic in the blink of an eye. He has been accusing me of having online affairs which is simply absurd, as well as several other false accusations. He gets down right mean with our children and has even spanked our 2 yr old so hard that it left her bottom red through her diaper! (I dont care there is no excuse for that!) and when I took her and tried to protect her he went of on even more of a rage and started threatening to leave and all kinds of off the wall stuff. Sometimes his good moods will last minutes, hours, days even a few months at a time and the same with his rages. I have never felt like he would physically harm me but I have feared for our children on numerous occasions and find I spend 99% of my time hovering over them like a hawk to keep them "out of trouble" with him which alot of times just leads to getting ME in trouble with him for some reason or another... to top it all of he is a serious alcoholic in which he knows and takes pride in for some sick reason. He refuses to get help for his drinking let alone even slow down on his drinking and I know if I were to even MENTION that I think there is something going on mentally with him such as bipolar or even some kind of personality disorder it would just set him off on another rage and make things worse and in some way or another it would end up being made into being MY fault that he is acting like this. (His thing is anytime something is bad or goes wrong its MY fault, weither it is or not...) I am at the point of wanting to pack myself and the kids up and leave but I do love him and thats not what I really want. I just want the man I married back... not this raving lunatic he has become... Just know you are not alone I know just how you feel. Please if you need someone to talk to or relate to or anything feel free to contact me...
2006-09-07 06:15:07 · answer #9 · answered by Janes_Addiction 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a mental inquest warrant you can take out on him. They will pick him up evaluate him and treat him or take the necessary steps to helping him. If in fact there is a problem, he will thank you. If you fear for your life, leave! DO NOT STAY! You can not fix him and he is capable of hurting you! You can love him from afar until such time he seeks help. There is no reason for you or the children to live in fear! There are hundreds of programs and shelters that can and will help you. God Bless you!
2006-09-07 05:56:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋