I can't take it anymore. My father has been violent and verbally abusive to my mother, my fiancee, and me for basically my entire life. I've gotten to a point where I don't know how to deal with him anymore. (I have a feeling he is bipolar but he would never go to seek help.)
It has been getting so bad lately to where the littlest thing makes him snap into a whirlwind of F-bombs and name calling. He will even make up outrageous stories if he can't think of something to use against one of us. There are also days where hes really nice, like overly nice, and I can't help but stay in the mentality of him being mean and act accordingly. I am unable to move out of my house yet (I live w/ my parents obviously) cause of $$ issues but hopefully w/in a year I can.
My question is: does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope with this? I've tried the "ignore him and he'll stop" and "dont take it to heart" but I cant help it.
Serious answers only please. Thank you all in advance.
2006-09-07 05:32:59 · 19 answers · asked by Blondie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sadly until your father doesn't agree with the fact that he has a problem and wants to correct the issue .. you are just going to have to break away from the situation. Talk to your mom as well and see if she is willing to move out with you as well. Its a hard situation but if bi-polar is the case well needless to say until he gets medical treatment it can not be controlled. In addition if he does get violent .. call the police. It should never be toleranted if he is violent against anyone - regardless if he is your father.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-07 05:38:34 · answer #1 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are in a typical cycle of abuse (the violent reactions followed by extreme niceness, followed by violent reactions).
The ONLY way to cope with this is to move out. Forget the fact that you're broke, you need to make it happen. Move in with a grandparent or your fiance's family and help out at their house until you can stand on your own two feet.
You need to distance yourself from the abuse RIGHT NOW. Then, once you have a safe haven, go to counselling. You can't make your dad seek help, but you can seek help for yourself (because trust me, the experiences have left an impact on you that you need to address sooner rather than later).
2006-09-07 12:40:35 · answer #2 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do whatever it takes to move out and cut him out of your life. Just because this man is your father doesn't mean you're obligated to have a relationship with him. Would you have friends in your life that treated you this way? I'm positive the answer is NO. So why keep him in your life? It doesn't make sense to continue this relationship. Get away and stay away. Your mom needs to get out too. This man needs to realize that he can't just treat people however he wants. It's not fait to anyone and it's not right. My mother was the same way when I was growing up and now she's paying the price. I haven't spoken to her in years; she doesn't deserve my love, time, or a relationship with me......and your father doesn't deserve you! Leave!
2006-09-07 12:42:11 · answer #3 · answered by ossaciP 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek help yourself he's putting you through too much stress. take mom and fiance if you want then there is a 4th party that is totally neutral . Talk to your mom and fiance if you can scrounge enough $$ up get out and distance yourself then there is a possibility he will see what he has done (Where did everyone go? Why?) If it get physical call the cops and ask that he be mentally evaluated then he has no option. Good luck. Sorry you have to go through this.
2006-09-07 12:47:46 · answer #4 · answered by tazachusetts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well as long as you live there, there is little you can do to rectify the problem. People have a hard time changing, espescially at your father's age--and to be realistic, a person who does not want to seek help, shall never be helped. I advise you to bite your tongue and just tough it out. It will be over once you move out.
You could try writing him a letter to let him know that you're hurt and that you think think that his mood swings are affecting your family's life. Maybe that will help--good luck.
2006-09-07 12:54:52 · answer #5 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ever thought of committing him to a mental hospital/clinic involuntary. Just call the clinic and report him if need be. Is he the main bread maker in the household? If you work and your fiancee works then maybe all of you could move into a bigger house. Try to remove the stress from your household and make it more serene and comfortable. Do not argue with him or belittle him in any way just act naturally.
2006-09-07 12:43:55 · answer #6 · answered by Lone Eagle 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Please give this number to your mother and tell her to call or if she won't pick up the phone you call for her it's the national domestic violence hot line both of you don't have to take this someone is there to listen 24/7 and will give you advice about the right steps to take to get out of this situation.
It's very important that you both get away from this man lastly I'd like you to both know it's not your fault your not alone and there is help.
2006-09-07 12:55:01 · answer #7 · answered by markm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand what you are going through my dad was physically and verbally abusive to me and as soon as I could I distanced myself from him by moving out and he still hasn't changed now he is just doing it to my younger siblings. I haven't talked to him in 3 yrs and I am doing fine without him and it sounds like you just need to get away from him and maybe go see him on holidays but that is about it.
2006-09-07 12:48:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
save the money quickly by all honest means possible & shift out. when u shift out do not waver. tell him u are spreading your wings, invited by good friends to be housemate, any other reasons except the truth,
u can't help him. only he can help himself. he might be depress, issue with money, work pressure or dislike himself & he is venting it out on your guys (which is totally wrong). he feel guity later & try to be extra nice. doesn't help.
shifting out also give u & him some space & less chance to rub each others shoulder.
hope this is helpful. peace, lady
2006-09-07 12:44:30 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you said he won't get help, and talking to him will only set him off?, then your only choice is to get yourself some therapy to help deal with the issues its causing you and gain some coping skills (take mom along!!!) or suck it up , count your pennies and GET OUT.
2006-09-07 12:38:14 · answer #10 · answered by Jep 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋