Is there a poor man's suppernanny? My four year old has me ready for a straight jacket.?

Question

She is so bad tempered. She spends hours screaming, right now she is screaming at my eldest daughter because she is talking. Anything send her off on one, I stirred her porrige one morning and she screamed for 45 minutes. I just walk away and go into another room. I have tried reward charts, exclusion, you name it.

HELP PLEASE!

Answer 1

The way I dealt with my kids when they went through a stage like that is I tried to talk to them at a good moment and explain what was expected of them and tell them ahead of time what would happen if they broke a rule. I would also wait until after they calmed down after a punishment to explain why they were in trouble and also explain that if they did it again the same would happen.

I suggest trying to keep your child active. Take her outside regularly to burn off some excess energy. When you sense that she is about to act up, maybe try stopping what you are doing and taking her for a relaxing walk.

As for punishments: Time outs worked on one, and taking a toy away worked on another. Try to figure out what she likes and would miss the most and use that as the punishment. For my son, punishing didn't work at first so I found a "hobby" that he loved which was helping me cook. I let him do it for a couple of days and then when he acted up I told him he wasn't being a big boy and only big boys could help me cook. Then later I would remind him if he kept acting up he couldn't help me the next time either. If she doesn't like cooking, try introducing arts and crafts, a special singing and/or dancing time, a regular trip to the park, etc. As long as she is behaving she can enjoy these treats if not then don't let her. If she is criying nonstop don't you walk away, send her away. Tell her to go to her bedroom and as soon as she is done crying/screaming she can come out. My four year old did this once and screamed for 30 minutes straight but now I tell her "do you want to go to you room?" and she hushes instantly. If all else fails I do believe in spanking as for a last resort and it does usually work.

Remember anything you do, handle out of love not anger. Make sure you remind her that while you don't like what she is doing you still love her. Also, sometimes kids act up for attention. My sis works at a daycare with 2 year-olds. She gives several random hug times every day and said after she started it, she was amazed at how much better the "bad" kids began acting.

Make sure you stay constant with your punishments and don't threaten if you don't intend to follow through. Good luck.

Here is a site with a lot of guidance for dealing with a "problem" child: http://cyfernet.ces.ncsu.edu/cyfdb/browse_2pageAnncc.php?subcat=Guidance+and+Discipline&search=NNCC&search_type=browse

Answer 2

I don't think discipline is the problem, I'm sure that's the first thing you tried. Long periods of screaming for no easily predicted reason (she fell off her bike, she's frustrated trying something new, you told her 'no') is a sign of behavioural disorders in children.

For instance, children with Aspbergers Syndrome can talk and look normal but can be Extremely sensitive to noises, tastes, textures, touches etc. Stirring her porridge made me think of that, the spoon scraping on the bowl.

Children with ADHD often aren't aware of how loud they are and can break into intense tantrums, they also appear not to listen, promising not to do the behaviour and then doing it anyway, repetitively.

I would take her to the doctor, and tell him/her exactly what behaviours are becoming 'too much for you to handle'. I'd get on this now, because if she doesn't get help by the time school starts she could have real difficulties making friends and learning.

And if the doctor knows of a program that can help her communicate instead of screaming, then it's worth a look into.

Answer 3

I'm going to disagree with a lot of people and tell you to do two things consistently for a month and see what happens. First - Ignore all bad behaviour, temper tantrums everything. Just act like it's a normal part of life for her to have a screaming fit. If she's in any danger of hurting herself or any one else, gently but firmly prevent it. Ignore all screaming, abuse, name calling etc. not in a degrading way but in a calm loving way. As a mum, always be available to give a hug when the tantrum ends - but NEVER reward a tantrum by giving in to her demands.
Second - watch her when she's calm and praise every single effort she makes at good behaviour, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem. Another thing I would recommend is to sit and look at a book with her for say 15 mins every day without fail regardless of whether she's been well behaved or not - that time will be your sacred time with her that you always have. You don't even have to read a story - just look at the pictures together and ask her to tell you what's happening and don't correct her - there's no wrong way when you're four to tell a story. You can do this - be firm and love her even when she's at her worst. I've raised four, and learnt from my mistakes. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

Supernanny will help anyone, just write her! But in the meantime you could learn a lot just from watching. Are you doing time outs properly? Are you taking her toys away for bad behavior? The most important thing you can do is be consistent. Lets say she kicks her sister. You tell her no television for 1 week. After day three you feel bad for her and you let her watch, but only what her sister is watching, because it is already on anyways, right? Wrong! A week means a week. Even if you think the punishment might be a little much, stick it out- it shows her you mean what you say- that is the most important thing you can do for your child is show them you are strong, steady, and mean every word you say. This holds true on coming through with promises as well as punishments.

I just read the answer above mine and it frightened me. I hope that "lady" does not have any children. If she does, I hope dch is involved. A 4 year old is old enough to be dealt with in non- physical ways. Screaming at a child only teaches them to scream. To get in their face and scream, well, that is abuse. Terrible. Teach them to respond in a calm, rational manner- they learn from watching you.

Answer 5

I have so much sympathy for you.
I have two sons aged four and five. Believe me I know what it's like to be screamed at for the smallest "tradgedy" at breakfast.
I do believe that children as young four and five do understand what they are doing but maybe not why.
I learned to ignore them until they realised they were not getting any attention from me, when they stop I ask them whats wrong with what happened, admittedly this was damn hard but after some perserverance it works. I have two children who have learned how to communicate their upsets. It has helped my eldest greatly since starting school. On top of that there was no exclusion, no sticker charts, no smacking and with practice no bad moods. It may not work for everyone because will need to develop a strategy to distract yourself from your child, during this time. As long as there is no throwing or violence from your child don't take her out of the room, or exclude her simply distract yourself until she has finished and then ask calmly what the problem is. It worked wonders for me.

Answer 6

Try getting 50pence worth in pennies. Put them in a jar (clear) so she can see them. When she's good (even just a little) give her a penny for another 'good' jar. When she isn't, take one out. Try stickers for good behaviour too. Remind her who is in charge (not her).

Rewards seem to work better than punishment. But be a bit more creative with the punishment - if she's screaming, have a naughty chair or step or corner and make sure she stays there. Ignore her for the 4 minutes. You have to stay firm - any weakness and they can spot it! You also have to be consistent and make sure your partner is too. She is too old for major tantrums. They're usually after attention good or bad and it seems she gets quite a lot for being bad.

Answer 7

Have you tried applying to the programme? (or Little Angels, House of Tiny Tearaways etc etc.) Does she go to nursery? If not the discipline should help, and it'll give you some welcome time apart as well. Don't despair - it should also get better when she starts school and realises she can't get away with behaviour like this. In the meantime your health visitor should be able to help too - if it's really drastic, maybe there's a medical reason behind it and she + GP can refer you for specialist help. The other thing is - do you recognise any triggers for her behaviour that you could avoid? e.g. certain food colourings or additives in food. Good luck!

Answer 8

I have a 3 year old son and he gets the same way and I quickly correct it with a good old smack on the rear. Pull her pants down and spank her do not walk away from the situation that will make her think that she is running the show!!! You have to put your foot down and do it quick. Children can and will take advantage of you if you do not discipline them. Let my son scream at me or do something disrespectful-pop right in the mouth or if it is really bad I pull his pants down and give him a few!! Disciplining your children is not a crime!! I know this because I am friends with a child protective services worker and as long as you do not beat them or use any objects(belt, stick, ect.) it is perfectly fine to spank your children as discipline. Good Luck to you and don't let a 4 year old control you- YOU take control!!! God Bless

Answer 9

To the human beings who talk approximately rehabilitation, it is for drug purchasers, alcoholics, burglars according to possibility. yet no longer in any way shape or sort murderers, rapists or scum like this. human beings like that who spout rubbish like rehabilitation all of the time are failing in the activity to guard the common public. The regulation abiding publics rights could are available the previous that of a criminal. whilst will human beings study that vengeance could be a piece of a straightforward justice gadget? whilst horriffic crimes like this are committed, retribution could be utilized on the perpetrators. i ponder whether the greater youthful ladies kinfolk might have observed rehabilitation? Or might they as a substitute have all of them overwhelmed to a pulp, gang raped and disfigured with caustic soda themselves in the previous locking them away? precisely. this isn't any better than what they inflicted in this youthful female, and this is a minimum of what those scumbags deserve. Apologies for the rant, i attempted to be as well mannered as available. Very emotive undertaking.

Answer 10

Yes there is a poor man's supernanny and his name is Dr. Sears!
Check out his books on gentle discipline and attachment parenting, they will help you to reconnect with your daughter.

Another book that might help you is Neufeld's "Hold on to your Kids" it teaches how to keep your connection with your child. Your Library should have those books.

Try to constantly throughout the day take time to 'collect' your daughter, with eye contact and positive words, and you will notice a positive change.

You can't teach a child not to hit by hitting them! You can't teach them not to yell by yelling. Treat them the way you would want to be treated if you were upset.