I have always had a good looking girlfriend. The kind that guys look at when she walks in the room. In all cases these girls fall in love with me and treat me very good for a long time. Then, they get bored or lose interest and seek "something better". It crushes my ego everytime and I go out trying to find a woman who is just as attractive to fill their shoes, and of course, make me feel better. Now I know this is an ego problem for me and a self esteem issue. The hot chick makes me feel like I have acheived something.... but... they also excite me and make me happy. Sexually I just cannot get off being with a girl below my physical standards and it frustrates me because I know these ones would be the ones that stick around. I am 28 and I dont see this trend changing. I have a hard time overlooking physical faults on other girls and myself. I want to be happy. Should I lower my physical standards and TRY to accept someone for who they are inside? Or should I just keep going?
2006-09-07 05:28:06 · 21 answers · asked by onthedlyoshi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Let me just say that you guys and girls that say I am looking out of my league are haters. You dont have success with something for your life, be it if these relationships end, just by getting lucky. I know I have a lot to offer physically and emoitionally. I admitted to having a self esteem issue. I am not shallow though. I am nice to everybody. I just know what I like. It was an honest question so to all you haters.. go back to the drive through and keep expanding that waist line then go back to your chat rooms and slit your wrists... Thanks but no thanks to the people that like to be mean to others to make themselves feel better.
2006-09-07 05:52:36 · update #1
Dont have any standards at all. Just because at first glance, they aren't a drop dead knockout, doesn't mean they wont BECOME one in your eyes. If you fall in love and the mutual feelings are flowing wildly......she'll be the most beautiful person in the world to you, reguardless of what she may look like on the outside. My girlfriend is beautiful to me inside and out.....but the deeper I fall for her the more and more attracted I am to her.....So yeah, your tastes will change if you actually like the person for who they are.
2006-09-07 05:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to keep something very important in mind:looks are subjective and ephemeral. Translation-beauty is in the eye of the beholder and looks don't last. What are you going to do when you're 60? Going to be one of those grandpas dating 20 year olds?
Think about where you'd like to be in the future, and what level of happiness you're trying to achieve. What's important to you? If the answer is simply arm/eye candy, then by all means, continue down your current path. If you want something more for yourself someday, maybe love, a family, then you might want to consider looking beyond the window-dressing. When you love someone, all those litlte physical imperfections that you're stressing over so hard, well, you cease to notice them. Or they may even endear you to the girl more. I'm not saying that a level of physical attraction isn't important, it certainly is, but pair that with something deeper.
And yes, there are self-esteem issues coming into play here, that's obvious, but at least you know that, and you can work to change that, if you have the courage. In my case (not saying i'm a raving beauty or anything), but looks really aren't a primary concern. Intelligence and sense of humor have always been more important. By getting to know a man, what others might consider a rather average guy becomes the most beautiful thing alive to me.
You're willing to admit and acknowledge that the way you're going about things now is not working out. Don't lower your standards, it's good to have them, just work beyond them...see past the physical and try to seek someone out who might stimulate you in more ways than simply sexually. Try to figure out what other standards you might have, besides height, weight, breast size, etc. ;)
In any case, best of luck.
2006-09-07 05:43:06 · answer #2 · answered by Jess 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't change your taste in women any more than you can change whether you like coffee or mushrooms (or coffee AND mushrooms!).
Maybe instead try doing new things; go places you've never been before, try doing stuff that you would never usually look twice at. You stand a very good chance of befriending the sorts of people you wouldn't usually come into contact with; there will almost certainly be some babes along the way, and with any luck they'll challenge you in ways your previous girlfriends didn't. If nothing else you may even discover some new pursuits that interest you.
2006-09-07 05:37:22 · answer #3 · answered by JA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the problem isn't the hot chicks, the problem is something to do with who you are and your lifestyle. You say these girls get bored or lose interest. This hints that your not providing what they are looking for. This has nothing to do with the girls looks. Maybe you need to either figure out what it is about your life that makes them bored and change that or take time to find a girl who is looking for the same lifestyle as you. This doesn't mean she can't be good looking, it just means you need to take more time getting to know them and how over all compatible they are to you.
2006-09-07 05:34:44 · answer #4 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about you start looking beyond the surface, maybe just maybe you'll have better luck. It's very superficial to look for an "armpiece" instead of an actual mate. You need to stop treating them like objects and start treating them like women.....yes you have self-esteem issues, and no, you cannot resolve them through good-looking women. You need to resolve your problems and get to the root of the situation before you go out looking for another woman to put on your arm. You can't get off with an average chick, please.......get help..........what makes you so sure that you're an above average guy? Being that you have low self-esteem and always get left behind for something better, I'm thinking that you're placing yourself in a league that you are not ready for.
2006-09-07 05:33:54 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first let's just say that it all sounded really shallow. Having a girlfriend who is nice to look at isn't what it is all about. Quit searching for what is outside and look at what is inside. Some of the best looking people are only that just good looking. You need someone who you are attracted to but also someone that you connect with emotionally. As for physical faults, I am sure you have a few of your own.
2006-09-07 05:32:54 · answer #6 · answered by hounchella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you should do is work on your own emotional problems first. You seem very shallow and the females you choose are shallow too. Everything for the physical! So, why are you surprised when things don't work out? There are many beautiful girls out there that aren't shallow. But, maybe they can see you for what you are. Value people for what they are, not what they look like. I hope you can change. If not, see a professional shrink.
2006-09-07 05:39:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your 28 I'm 58 and had your same problem when I was younger. I could do it to girls real good and they wanted to be with me, for just that reason. So I always ended up with cute girls who really liked sex. But girls who really like sex, don't stay around ya know they will find it where they can. So I say get it while you can, it will end someday. If you want a true girl go for the ugly ones, no one else wants,
2006-09-07 05:44:50 · answer #8 · answered by Roy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One word for you SHALLOW. Dude get over you're self your not all that or the hotties wouldn't leave you. Try to meet a women as a friend first .
2006-09-07 05:30:55 · answer #9 · answered by david r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you want what u cant have so try the standard thing and if it dont go like you want then go back and hopefully one day you will get lucky with the pretty girls.. just bc a gurl doesnt look like paris hilton doesnt mean she isnt someone who can satisfy you.
2006-09-07 05:39:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋