My son is "testing" all of his teachers and principals at school....HELP !?

Question

My son was diagnosed when he was 5 as being ADHD/ODD...He does take Concerta which helps greatly with the ADHD, but there is nothing helping with the ODD. Since he started first grade, 5 weeks ago, he has been very defiant...testing his teacher and his principal, basically everyone he comes into contact with, just to see how far he can push them. I need some help with his behavior - has anyone else out there experienced this type of behavior with their own children, if so, do you have any suggestions on how to help him. Trust me, I've spanked, put him in time out, taken away all his toys...basically he gets to come home, do his homework, take a bath and go to sleep. I am at my wits end....Please note, that I have a daughter that will be 10 in November, they were both raised exactly the same...she is in the gifted and talented program at school and I have not a peep of trouble out of her.....Why are these children so completely opposite.....HELP !

My son will be 7 in October.

Answer 1

I have one who is 7 with ADD and on Concerta in second grade. It causes some emotional roller coasters and makes them feel a bit strange. 1st grade is a huge change from kindergarten. It is no longer an extension of preschool - they are expected to work harder and sit for long periods of time. Even regular kids have a difficult adjustment. They are also exhausted (expecially an ADD kid) Without knowing your kid, I would suggest the following course:
(1) GO meet with the school - make sure that they understand ADD. Most teachers don't get it. If they say, "he can do it when he wants to" - you need a new teacher. Traditional methods do not work.
(2) Have your psych lay out accomodations specific to your child. have them documented in a 504 plan to make the teachers follow them. It could be that they have sat him in the wrong part of the room, near rowdy kids, and he can't hear and focus - very frustrating.. my guy processes best in his right ear - so they sat him in the front with his right ear to the board. But, our state is very openly accomodating about things like this.
(3) Consider using the new dosing method for Concerta - the "patch" - it is supposed to have less side effects. The hard part is that few doctors have used it, so they are less likely to prescribe it. You may also need to add a mood stablizer.
(4) If he does not improve by October, get him into counseling.

Visit www.chadd.org and find a local chapter. Mine has great educational seminars with tons of advice!

Lastly, smile. ADHD is not the end of the world. These kids are far more creative and fun. It's a roller coaster but the highs are awesome. We are only given challenges that we are up to!

Answer 2

I was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD so I'm familiar with the whole defiance towards authoritive figures symptom. Of course, I've grown out of some of the serious issues I had with me now in college and all.

To tell you the truth, there are thousands on thousands of books that can tell you how to raise your child and it's possible that none of them can give you the right advice-the true answer lies within the mother herself. With that said, it may be that the faculty could be the problem.

You say he "tests" his teachers, is this based off of a statement your son has told you, an assumption you made, or something the school staff set up at an ARD (parent-teacher-student)meeting? It may be that the teachers aren't doing enough for your child and aren't willing to put the extra effort into engaging your child as a student dynamically enough to interest him.

You say your daughter is in the gifted program, that's fantastic; many students who have the syndrom (ADD - etc) tend to be extremely intelligent for their age, they just have some certain personality issues that hurt them socially and academically.

I would suggest testing your son for a gifted and talented program, letting him join some more extra-curriculars, and keep him interested in his education. Once he realized that "testing" teachers doesn't get him far, I'm sure he'll grow out of it.

For now, keep punishing him like you've been doing - maybe increasing the magnitude of the punishment based upon how often a wrongful act has been committed, it's degree of seriousness, etc..

One thing's for sure, though, never stop loving your child; they're the most challenging, frustrating, irritating, greatest experience you'll ever have.

I hope that helped.

Answer 3

My friend has twin boys with same problems and much more . They need to be on a schedule at all times if you mess up there schedule your in for trouble . It's like a security thing they know what is going to happen and when . Some times they miss behave . But usually there is some thing they want or want to do so if they are bad they don't get that thing what ever it might be ( toy, go to store , and so on ) Start a reward system that helps to . Smacking them never helps they think if you smack them they can smack you . try stopping a 9 year old 80 pound boy from going off with out hurting him and making him even more angry . But having a schedule is probably the most important thing . And talk to the school about working with him and setting up a reward system at school . And a special discipline system . like an in school detension from recess and things like that . I know it's a hand ful . Good luck !

Answer 4

Well I see what the problem is...inconsistency. You've hit him which is really not the thing to do, all it does is reinforce the thought that hitting is OK when one is angry so you've pretty much sent him the message that when he gets angry he CAN hit. Also you've switched game plans time after time, instead of continuing on one path of discipline you've gone off on different tangents. You are confusing him, it's not the school officials he is testing it is YOU. He wants to see what you'll come up with next because you are that predictable. He knows that every time he acts up you'll change your form of discipline...in short he has WON and you have basically put him in control. You have to pick ONE form of discipline and STICK WITH IT. Quit changing it because you don't think it's working. Your changing it all the time is WHY it isn't working.

Answer 5

The school is way out of line here, they should be recognizing him for the talented business man he will become and encouraging his entrepreneur spirit! Wouldn't the better solution be enrolling him in drama after a flawless rendition rather than persecuting his creativity, candor and recital abilities... what is wrong with the school systems these day? I would present the following as arguments for his actions: The school is being severely hypocritical calling him out for chocolate sales with all of the coke and vending machines found in schools - they are surely interested first in their own profits. Employing the girls is a kind gesture it shows he thinks of the well fair and income of others. Had they addressed this whole bully situation correctly they could have avoided the whole issue, they really brought this on themselves. The boy calls you dad, what do they really expect. It is my understanding the teacher is a working girl herself. His interest rate on outstanding debts is half that of most credit cards. If we don't encourage our children to expand their horizons and start earning early they will surely be screwed in adult hood. You could also claim discrimination as I am sure this is directed at him for being white!

Answer 6

Sign him up for a karate class or a pee-wee soccer team. He's got a lot of energy he needs to get out, and these type of recreation will help release some of that energy, while teaching him to focus on a goal. Reward him a lot for his good behavior (not with food or sugar!!) but also give him firm discipline when he acts up. Don't compare him to his sister, because they are totally different. He just needs a different type of structure- one that will allow creativity, apply discipline, demonstrate love and allow energy to be used!

Answer 7

One reason could be gender. if he lives without a father that could be one of the main causes. Boys w/o fathers are more likely to act up in school. You and his teacher could make a behavior sheet, and every time he gets a good report give him a reward that he'll enjoy. That should spark his behavioral interests. You should see improvement.

Answer 8

My sons have tested their limits when they went to school.. and then again through their lives. Each year I would ask them if they wanted to make it to their next birthday.. . They knew I was kidding, so I hope all of you do as well!
My sons were above the teachers, in actually being able to teach the class for them, much to the teachers surprise. They were unstimulated with what was being taught, and how it was being taught.
They are so much the same, yet so different. One would 'do' out of defiance, openly.. and the other did it in such a way that you knew what happened, but didn't know how to respond. The first one is like my husband, the second is more like me.. So my husband and I watched for key signs..

http://aacap.org/page.ww?name=Children+with+Oppositional+Defiant+Disorder§ion=Facts+for+Families

Is there a support group in your area.. ask the hospital, the doctor, the library.. Perhaps you can start one in your area..
The site above seemed a good one.. I hope they have some advice they can offer you.

One son of ours has a girlfriend whose son has ADHD/ODD.. but to me, and forgive me for saying this, as I do not mean to offend.. he seems more autistic.

The medication your son is on.. could he be allergic to it. What about allergies to other things, such as food.. or even orange juice. Sometimes, the simpliest of answers are right there, but we fail to see them, as do alot of those in the medical field. I have seen children - including my own - behave like little demons, due to a food allergy. It was trail and error for hubby and myself to figure it out, as back then, the doctors just wanted to medicate.

Good luck mom!

Mike's answer was truly wonderful!! Thank you Mike!!!

Answer 9

First of all he carries an imbalance which won't make him comparable to his sibling, they are two different people. Play therapy for this age works wonders since his verbal and emotion skills may be lacking. It takes a great deal of patience and love.

Answer 10

My 9 yr old son was diagnosed with ADHD, when he was in 1st grade. He takes medication for it. He was also diagnosed with depression that same year. I've had him in counseling and it works really well. I won't say that it's perfect, but it helps alot.