i was abused all through my child hood and so was my mom and my 2 little brothers and my mom knows some of the things he done (the guy is my stepdad) and she claims she loves him and he wouldnt hurt us for nothing but he abuses her to . how do i get her to leave. i am 19 and moved out but my 2 brothers (17 and 15) are still there. what can i do to secure my brothers from more abuse. my stepdad always seems to con everyone including the cops so i dont know what else to dfo
2006-09-07 05:10:31 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I was in a similar situation myself and your question just inspired me to wake up and realize that your RIGHT. I guess there is nothing that you can do to make your mom leave this relationship but eventually she will realize. It will probably be too late and it's a shame that three innocent boys have or had to witness this for most of their childhood. Just give your mom support whenever she needs it and even though it may be hard, try not to be judge mental. Your mom is very insecure with herself and harsh comments or negative advice may lead her right back into the abusers arms. Show her how strong she is and why she is so very special. Make her feel good about herself and give her things to do to keep her away from him and be happy and content with herself. I wish the best for your family and bless you all. Hope this helped a little. Chrissy from Wisconsin : )
2006-09-07 05:20:25 · answer #1 · answered by chrissytina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom has been with him for a long time and when you are with some one for that long you get "accustomed" to a certain way of living. Your mom is probably thinking oh he his me because I did this and he doesn't like that. So it is technically her fault and he wouldn't have done it if she wouldn't have done what she did. So if she doesn't do that he won't hit her or yell at her. Therefore, she can change him. That is what she tells herself anyway. And almost every women believes that they can change the person that they love. It also becomes very easy to believe that no one else will want you or that that person has your best interests at heart. Your mom may also be scared of being alone and she might feel grateful to him for taking care of you and your two brothers (if they are not his children as well). As was the case for my family. So it is easy for her to pretend like nothing is wrong. Congratulations for getting yourself out of it. None of it is your fault and if you can't help your brothers it won't be your fault either. You have to remember that. Now you need physical proof that your mother's husband abuses your brothers. If he is slick then it will be hard to get that proof. If your brothers are scared and don't want to help you you can take pictures of them when they have bruises or even record your mother's husband being emotionally abusive towards them. (yelling, screaming, degrating them, etc) Then you can go to the police with proof. Or if you want them removed from the home you could call welfare or social services and explain everything to them. Good luck and keep you head up. Don't let the pattern repeat itself.
2006-09-07 05:32:13 · answer #2 · answered by strawberries_r_cream 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you are abused for so long, you become brainwashed. This man has made your mother feel like she couldnt survive without him. Sad, but true. If she didnt leave while he was abusing her children, which is the one thing a mother should NEVER stand for, I doubt shes gonna leave now. She has no self esteem, no self respect and plenty of self loathing. As much as I pray that she one day come to her senses, Im thinking shes in it for the long haul. All you can do is get your life together, make good money if you can, and get your brothers out of there. If she think herself not too much of a burden, maybe one day she will come with you.
Much luck and prayers.
2006-09-07 05:16:57 · answer #3 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good job getting away.
Your mother allows the abuse to happen because she is afraid to speak up to stop it.
She is afraid that she will get hurt worse than she is now.
She is afraid that if she were on her own, she would make bad decisions and that she would have many failures.
She needs to learn that making mistakes are ok, as long as we learn from them, and don't repeat them.
She is making a mistake now (by staying in an abusive situtation).
She has to accept responsibility for her own life.
She has to acknowledge that she is responsible for protecting her children (while they are young).
She has to help the man she loves by being strong enough to leave him.
You cannot "get" your mother to do anything.
You can let her know that you'll always be available to talk with her. (Hoping that she will become wise enough to change her situtation.)
You CAN get help for your brothers.
They have to speak up about what is happening.
You are a good girl.
2006-09-07 05:29:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go back to the police... tell them everything,, and if you think as you say, he seems to con everyone including the cops... seek some lawyers advise,, and tell the cops, how they are being used by your step dad..
If this will not work out,, go for other COPs, maybe the FBI etc will listen...
This is total abuse.,, family abuse.. you are lucky he did not rape you.
Seek help before it is too late.
In our country, people could kill him for abuse,, and no one will ever have to go to jail..
2006-09-07 05:19:34 · answer #5 · answered by yulnores 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People that have been abused for a long time have a hard time leaving because they think they don't deserve better then what the abuser gives them.
2006-09-07 05:25:49 · answer #6 · answered by Betty Bee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not only do they abuse us physically, they abuse us mentally - which makes her unsure about leaving. He messes with her head. Gives her low self-esteem. Its a difficult decision for her. Try not to act judgmental with her. I know you care about her and don't want her to be treated that way, but its just not that easy for her. Try to talk her into getting counseling. That may be the only way for her to get away from this lifestyle. good luck
2006-09-07 05:17:02 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest
to leave this problem to a professional. It is simply to difficult to remote-advice without knowing personalities and situation.
Maybe you try to contact a non governmental organisation dealing with child- abuse. Or ask in a bigger city for public counselling? (Big Charity Organisation?).
LOVE makes blind ...and lets you lose controll about your ability of judgement...
2006-09-07 05:23:35 · answer #8 · answered by Paul C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
call child protective services on the house every week
and if there is a bruise on any child under the age of 18
it needs to be taken care of .
and your mom needs to grow up and see her children r getting ****** up
that is going to ruin their life in the long run if they have kids
also keep in touch w/ your younger siblings on a day to day schedule
2006-09-07 05:18:11 · answer #9 · answered by ez-goin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because their abuser has beat, belittled and berated them so much, they don't have any self respect or esteem left. They believe they are worthless and they deserve the treatment that they receive.
They believe that no-one will 'love them', and if they leave their abuser will 'hunt them down and kill them'.
2006-09-07 05:13:15 · answer #10 · answered by Laquishacashaunette 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋